Life Apps ~ Encouragement

A number of years ago I was on vacation in Maine and had dinner at a Friendly’s restaurant. I was by myself and many times what I have experienced when I eat out alone is that the wait staff just hurries you in and out, but not here. The waitress and manager both asked me if I was on vacation, gave me suggestions of things to do and engaged me in conversation the entire time. It was wonderful, so when I got home I decided to contact the Friendly’s home office to tell them about my experience at this location. When I got through to someone at their headquarters, I was surprised that instead of thanking me and taking down the name of the franchise and the manager there to contact them about their outstanding customer service, they simply said, that is the kind of customer service we expect in all of our locations.

Because they seemed a little caught off guard and defensive I wondered if the Friendly’s home office had ever received any compliments or if they were only used to handling complaints. It also left me wondering if the Friendly’s home office every encouraged their local restaurant managers or employees because they never took the information about the location I was at in Maine or the name of the staff that made me feel so good. What this all reflects is that we live in a culture that is much more comfortable with criticism than compliments. In fact, studies have shown that in business, the ratio between complaints and compliments is about 10 to 1, but it isn’t much better in personal relationships. According to a Gottman Institute study, for every one encouraging comment we receive there are 6 critical comments to go with it.

This explains a lot. This explains why our work places are so negative and why employee morale is so low. It is hard to stay positive when what we hear over and over again is that we aren’t doing a good job. I was talking to a local business owner who recently had given a lot of free services to a family going through a crisis and he was really discouraged because things just had not gone well and after he ranted for about 10 minutes he said, I would be willing to endure it all if they would have just said thank you. For him that one message of encouragement and thanks would have made everything else bearable – but he never got it.

This not only explains why the work place is so stressful and negative, but why marriages and families are struggling as well. When all we hear from those who are supposed to love and support us unconditionally is criticism – it undermines relationships. When all we hear in a marriage is, “why can’t you do anything right?” or “Why can’t you be more like…?” it undermines trust which weakens the relationship. And when all that children hear is how they don’t measure up to their peers or why they didn’t get a higher grade or into a better school, it undermines their feelings of self-worth and confidence which has a negative effect on everyone.

So let me ask you to take a moment and reflect on your words this past week. At work, at home, at school, and among your friends or peers what was your ratio of complaints to compliments? Did you spend more time being negative and putting people down or did you spend more time encouraging people and building them up? I don’t ask this to make us feel bad but because we need to be aware of our own ratio so we can improve it – which leads us to this week’s life app – encouragement. The Bible tells us that when we encourage others, 2 very important things happen; the first is that others are lifted up and that makes sense, but the second thing might surprise you. When we encourage others we ourselves are encouraged ourselves.

Let’s look at the biblical foundation for all of this and let’s start with God’s call to encourage one another. We see this several places in the New Testament:
1 Thessalonians 5:11,
Ephesians 4:29
Hebrews 3:13.

All three of these passages us tell us that we need to choose our words carefully but Ephesians 4 takes it one step further and says we should only speak words that are useful for building others up. So any critical words we give need to be constructive criticism given in love to build up the other person, not just negative words said to be critical. To follow these biblical principles we have to become more intentional in our conversation and actually think before we speak, and we need to do this in every relationship we have.

As we begin to think about what the application of this principle looks like, let’s break down our relationships into 3 separate circles. The first one is our circle of life.

These are the casual relationships we have with people that we might see on a regular basis like the people who wait on us at banks and coffee shops and the neighbors we say hi to as we are out raking leaves. What words do we use when we encounter these people? Do we take the time to notice how they are doing and if they seem stressed and in need of encouragement? If they are people who spend their time waiting on us in the store or restaurant do we thank them for their service or encourage them in some way? So many people are beaten down by life and when they go to work and hear negative comments 10 times more often than anything positive it can be devastating, but we can begin to turn that around with just one positive word. Make it part of your thinking to look for something positive to say to encourage someone when you enter a store or restaurant.

Last year I was at the outer banks and again was having dinner in a restaurant when I noticed how my waitress cared for a single dad and his 3 young children and another table. She took the time to talk with them and even stood at the table with one of the children while the Dad took the other two to the bathroom. I was so impressed by the sensitivity and service of this waitress that I not only made sure I gave her a good tip, but I made sure to find the manager on my way out and comment about how amazing she was. Unlike the home office of Friendly’s, that manager there was so pleased to hear the comment. If we look for something positive – we can find it and when we share it we begin to build others up.

Within our life circle there are relationships in which we go deeper and we will call these our circle of influence.

These relationships would include the people we work with – both peers, leaders and employees, as well as people we serve with in the church or community, the teachers and coaches of our children, team mates and band members in school, church members and our friends. This might be the circle where we can make the greatest impact because it is the area where we are probably the least active in sharing positive feedback. Too often at work we are so focused on our job that we forget to look around and see how other people are doing, and when the ratio of complaints to compliments is 10 to 1 in business – many people at work are needing to hear that one compliment. So if you are a boss or supervisor at work, one of the questions you should be asking those you lead is this, how are you doing? Not what are you doing, but how are you doing? That question builds people up. That question lets people know that we care about them and not just their work performance.

Again, this circle is where we might be able to have the greatest impact, but only if we take the time to identify the people and their needs. Make a list of the people you work with and think about ways to encourage them. Make a list of friends that might be going through difficult times and find ways to let them know that you care about them. Look around you this morning and pick out one or two people in the church that God is leading you to encourage this week, write down their names and then because application is…. (everything), do something about it.

And then there is the inner circle of our relationships and this would include spouses, children, siblings, parents and close friends.

While the greatest impact we might be able to make is in the circle of influence because it is where we are the least active, it is in our inner circle where the words we say carry the most weight because these relationship are the most intimate and vulnerable. Our words here carry so much weight that we need to be careful about what we say and we need to make sure we are saying all that we need to.

So let’s take a moment and think about a few of these relationships and let’s start in a general way by looking at what we need to say to men and women. Women, let me start with you, do you know what the men in your inner circle are asking themselves? At any age, they are asking themselves, do I have what it takes? In Jr. & Sr. High, teenage boys are asking if they have what it takes to make the sports team or join a club or organization or make it into college or have the kind of career they want. They ask themselves, do I measure up to my peers? Younger men are asking themselves if they have it what it takes to be a good husband or father. Most new fathers are asking themselves this very question the first time they hold their new baby. Do I have what it takes to provide for this child throughout its life?

Not only do they ask that at home, but they ask it about work as well. Do I have what it takes to make it in business or on the job? I talk to so many men who do a wonderful job at work but every day live in fear of being discovered as being totally incompetent in what they do. They aren’t at all, but the question that plagues them is do I have what it takes? Even in retirement they ask, do I have what it takes to still make a difference when I’m not working full time? Do I have what it takes to still provide for my family? Women, I tell you that every man asks this question and they need to hear words of encouragement letting them know that you believe in them and that you believe they do have what it takes. Men need to hear those words of encouragement.

Now men, do you know what women ask? They ask the same thing, do I have what it takes, but women not only face the same issues men do, they have the added pressures of trying to look a certain way. Women, more than men, have to live up to an impossible ideal of what it means to be beautiful and they need to hear words of encouragement that tell them that they are noticed and valuable and beautiful just the way they are. If you don’t believe this to be true, listen to these sad facts. 1 out of every 10 girls has an eating disorder but the issue goes deeper than that. 40% of girls age 9 & 10 have already dieted and 53% of American girls are unhappy with their bodies. It’s an epidemic that can be reversed with some encouraging words said on a regular basis.

And parents, if you hear nothing else today, hear this, while the average ratio of criticism to compliments is 6 to 1, in the parent child relationship it is 8 to 1, that means while the world may put down our children a lot, we put them down more. We give our children 8 negative comments to every 1 positive comment. Can I just say this clearly – we have to do better. Think about what the conversations are like with your child? What is your ratio? How can you improve it? What positive words can you start giving your children today? What negative comments can you cut out today? This doesn’t mean we don’t instruct and guide and direct our children, but we need to find encouraging ways to do it?

And teens – your parents need some encouragement too! I know you think your parents simply can’t do anything right – but they can and they are trying and they love you more than you know and they are working hard and being beaten down every day, so a word of thanks and appreciation and encouragement from you could dramatically improve your relationship with them. We need to examine all the relationships in our inner circle and begin to find ways to encourage one another and build up one another more.

Now here is what is really sad, do you know where we get the ratio right? At funerals, at funerals we don’t focus on people’s faults and failures, we focus on the positives. We share the ways the person inspired us and helped us. What we need to do is start saying these things to people while they are still alive and when sharing these words of encouragement will do some good. To share encouraging words at a funeral is nice, but it’s too late for the person, we need to say those words now.

So the application of this principle is simple, find ways this week to encourage people in every circle of life. Be intentional and look for specific ways you can encourage people. Set a goal of encouraging a certain number of people in each circle every day and then begin to do it, keep score. Don’t make it a law to follow make it a game to play and share this game of encouragement with others.

Now, here is the consequence of encouraging others that will make you want to do it more and more. When we encourage others – we are encouraged ourselves. Let me say that again, when we encourage others – we are encouraged ourselves. This isn’t coming from experience or studies or conventional wisdom, it is coming from God. Look at Proverbs 11:25, just the second half of the proverb. Refresh others and you will be refreshed. Replenish others and you will be replenished. Encourage others and you will be encouraged. Build others up and you will be built up.

You see, this life app of encouragement isn’t just for others it is for us as well. When we apply it – we will be encouraged. It’s hard to imagine how something that seems so small could make such a big difference, but it can – in every relationship. And the ripple effect is huge because the more people we encourage, the more they will encourage others and the more we all encourage others the more we will be encouraged and in time every relationship in every circle of life improves which means marriages, businesses, schools and communities all improve.

Now when we started this series we heard that we should not be hearers of the word only but doers of it as well. Or, as we have heard over and over again, application is… (everything).
So we can’t just hear the word today to encourage people – we need to do it. So commit to finding specific ways to encourage people in every circle of life.


Life Apps ~ Encouragement
He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. (Proverbs 11:25b)

1. Determine your compliment / complaint ratio?
Take some time to reflect on your conversations this past week and see how often you were positive vs. how often you were negative.

2. Make the decision to be more encouraging.
If this is not your natural inclination (and for many of us it is not, so don’t worry), ask God for the help you need to be more encouraging in your conversations and relationships.

3. Identify 3 people in your circle of life or influence who need encouragement and then encourage them this week.
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4. Think about the relationships in your inner circle (children, parents, siblings, and friends) and identify those who need your encouragement the most. How can you change your conversations to build others up?

5. As you encourage others, trust that God will be lifting you up as well.

Life Apps Series Overview:
Forgiveness, Confession, Rest, Trust, Encouragement:

Which app will make the greatest impact in your life if you keep living it out?
How can you commit yourself to that today? And remember…

Application is EVERYTHING!

Life Apps ~ Trust

I hope that you are well rested today because that would mean that you listened last week and applied the principle of rest, but I also hope you are well rested because today we are going to look at a life app that is hard for many of us and that is trust. While there are many reasons why trusting others is hard, there are 2 that stand out: one is because of what we see and the other is because of where we have come from. Let’s start with what we see. It is hard for us trust people when what we see all around us are people who fail to live up to what they have said. Whether it is in our marriages and families, our relationships at work, or from our community and national leaders we are surrounded by people who make all kinds of promises but then fail to follow through on therm. As we enter into the final stages of the presidential election, we are confronted with this situation just about every day. The Republicans are quick to point out all the things that the president said he would do but didn’t do during the last 4 years and the Democrats are equally quick to point out the gaps and failures with Gov. Romney’s word. So every day what we see are leaders whom we have a hard time trusting which creates a climate which makes us wonder if we can trust anyone at all.


Not only does what we see make it difficult to trust, but so does what we have experienced in our own lives, or where we have come from. If we have personally experienced a lot of pain and brokenness because of mistrust and broken promises then it makes it that much harder for us to think about trusting anyone in the future. And if the failures of trust took place when we were children and teens from those we should have been able to trust like parents, teachers and coaches- it creates huge walls which make it hard to trust anyone as we move forward in life. If all we have known in the most significant relationship in our lives is the pain of broken trust, then learning to trust anyone is a challenge.

So what we see and what we have experienced make this life app difficult to apply – but not impossible. We can overcome what we see and we can overcome the pain of our past and learn to trust because trusting others is a choice. Whether it is with family, friends, coworkers or elected officials, trusting others is a choice we can make and to help us understand how to make this choice and what this app is all about we are going to look at a scripture that is familiar to many of us, 1 Corinthians 13. It is known as the love chapter because it talks a lot about love and what we will see here is that love and trust go hand in hand, so let’s look at 1 Cor. 13: 4-7.

Now the passage starts out pretty easily and makes perfect sense (13:4). We know this and can easily accept this. Love is patient and kind and we are ok with this, but then it gets a little more difficult. (13:5) Did you hear that last phrase? Love keeps no record of wrongs. Ok, this is hard because we not only know people who have compiled this kind of a record on us but if we were honest we would have to admit that we have made our own lists. We can remember the day and hour when someone hurt us. We can remember the details of when we were wronged and the very words that were said and even the tone of voice that was used, so when it says that love keep no record of wrongs – that’s hard, but it is what love is all about and it is a choice we make. We saw this a few weeks ago with the app of forgiveness – love is about letting go of the grudge so that we experience freedom and life. It really does mean we keep no record of wrongs.

As hard as that might seem, it is about to get harder, let’s look at 13:7. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ALWAYS … not when we feel like it, not when it’s easy, not when it doesn’t really matter but always which tells us that the kind of love we are talking about here is not an emotion. If love were just a warm feeling we have in our heart, it wouldn’t be something we do at all times, but because that word always appears 4 times, we know that love is not a feeling but a choice we make. And when it says that love always trusts, we begin to see that not only is love a choice we make, but so is trust. While it is hard to trust because of what we see around us and what we have experienced in life it is not impossible because trusting others isn’t left up to our emotions and feelings, it is a choice we make when we choose to love.

So what does it look like to choose trust in relationships? What does the application of trust look like in relationships? Here’s how I think it works: in every relationship there will be gaps between expectations and experience. Here’s an example, when I was growing up, my parents expected me to be home by 11PM and when it was after midnight and I still wasn’t home, when my actions didn’t match up with the expectations, there was a gap. When we expect our spouse to follow the budget that we all agreed upon but then open this month’s Visa bill and see some unexpected charges - there is a gap. When we expect our coworkers to carry their load on a project but it comes time for the presentation and their tasks aren’t done - there is gap. When we elect politicians and expect them to follow through on their campaign promises and they get into office and do things differently – there is a gap. So in every relationship there are gaps between what we expect and what we experience and the truth is that we choose what goes in the gap.

When confronted with these kinds of gaps in relationships we choose what fills the void, will we choose to believe the best or will we assume the worst. When we choose to trust we are choosing to believe the best in the other person. When I was in high school and didn’t come home by 11 the night after the church play and I didn’t call home so my parents had no idea where I was – there was a gap. Now when I did get home around 1 AM the gap was filled with a lot of frustration and a lot of questions, but in time my parents allowed me to explain and they believed the best. Now I was still grounded for a while, but because they believed the best in me, because they chose trust, the relationship was restored.

When we believe the best we narrow the gap and relationships can grow stronger, it doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences and at times discipline, but relationship can remain strong. When we assume the worst we broaden the gap and the relationship weakens. If my parents had not allowed me to explain what had happened or if they simply assumed I would never follow the rules again and continue to make bad choices, the gap would have grown and the relationship would have crumbled. So how we choose to fill this gap makes all the difference. While many times the gap has been created by the actions of the other person, we are the ones who choose what to do with that gap, we choose what will fill the gap – will we choose suspicion or will we choose trust?

In Deuteronomy 30 Moses is near the end of his life and he is encouraging the people to be faithful and he says to them, I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Choose life so that you and your descendants may live. Later Joshua reminds the people again that they have choices to make in life and faith. He told them, choose this day whom you will serve. What Joshua and Moses make clear to us is that we all have choices to make in life, in faith and in all relationships. When we face this kind of gap will we choose trust and love or will we choose suspicion? Will we think the best and narrow the gap, will allow our love to bend toward the other and strengthen the relationship, or will we give into suspicion and assume the worst about those who have not met our expectation which will weaken the relationship?

This really is our choice. We can’t control the actions of others but we can control the choices we will make in response to those actions. We can choose to trust our spouses, children, coworkers and even our elected officials and believe the best about them or we can assume the worst. In many ways, this is where faith comes in; faith not only in the other person but faith in God. Can we trust God enough to help us narrow the gap and believe the best. God believes the best. God believes the best about us and others, God always chooses trust which means that we should as well.

Another reason we should choose trust is because choosing suspicion and assuming the worst will never strengthen or improve a relationship. Think about it, how do you feel when you know someone doesn’t trust you? Does it make you want to go deeper in that relationship or pull away? When children know that parents don’t trust them it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, after all why be trustworthy if no one is going to trust me anyway. If my parents never trusted me again, there would not have been much desire on my part to try and be trustworthy. When spouses know there is no trust in their marriage there is no motivation to move forward and seek reconciliation or understanding. Nothing good happens when we choose to be suspicious, but when we choose to trust people we open the door for healing and hope. When we choose to trust people we make room for love to take root and give life to the relationship.

So we need to apply this trust app every time we experience a gap in a relationship. Every time our experience doesn’t meet expectation we need to make the decision to think the best and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. When our children are out past curfew we need to give them the benefit of the doubt and give them time to explain. When the Visa bill comes we need to listen before we jump to conclusions. Even with our elected officials, ok, I know this hard, but even with our elected officials we need to believe the best about those who are on the other side of the political aisle and not paint people out to be evil leaders who either don’t care about people or don’t care about our country. We choose what fills the gap and we fill the gap with love by thinking the best. I think the Apostle Paul encourages us to do this – look at Philippians 4:8. What is noble and right and admirable is to love others – which means thinking the best about them in all situations.

But let’s also be honest and talk about what we need to do when trusting others is not the best or healthiest option. The reality is that some relationships are so toxic and some people have proven themselves over time to be so untrustworthy that we can not, and should not, trust them. In these situations, what should we do? Well, Jesus makes that clear to us. He says, if you can’t trust them – confront them.

In Matthew 18, Jesus gives us some of the most detailed teaching on relationships we have in the gospels and he says that if someone sins against us, in other words if the experience doesn’t match the expectations, we are to go to them and point it out, look at Matthew 18:15. We confront them – not to accuse and put them down but in an effort to forgive and restore the relationship. We confront people about the situation in love with the goal being to restore trust. Now if they refuse to listen and if they refuse to understand their problems or acknowledge their sin, then Jesus says we are to take someone with us and confront them again in love, but if the gap still can be lessened then Jesus says we are to separate ourselves from the person – Matthew 18:16-17. What Jesus is saying here is that if trust can’t be established we are to walk away. So choosing to love doesn’t mean we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of over and over and over again and trust doesn’t mean we allow ourselves to be beaten down – if we can’t choose trust then we need to choose to confront.

Now the problem is that many times when we struggle to trust someone we don’t confront the person directly, we will either remain silent and hold on to the grudge, or we talk to anyone and everyone else. But gossip doesn’t strengthen a relationship and holding a grudge doesn’t do anything but destroy us, so neither of those choices are very good. If we struggle to trust we need to confront the person in love and seek to bring understanding and if that doesn’t work, then we need to walk away. Somewhere we have gotten the idea that walking away from relationships that are unhealthy is never the right thing to do, but it can be. There were many relationships that Jesus allowed to end and he says in Matthew 18 that at times we need to separate ourselves from those we can’t trust. So if we have confronted the person and provided opportunities for healing and hope in the relationship and it hasn’t worked, then it is ok to walk away, not in anger but in peace.

As we close, I want to share with you 5 commitments that can help build trust in any relationship. They come from North Point Church in Atlanta, GA, and while they are commitments they have made among their staff, I think they can work in every relationship. You can find these on the next steps in your bulletin.

1. When there is a gap between expectation and experience, I will believe the best.
2. When other people assume the worst, I will come to your defense.

3. If what I experience over time erodes my trust, I will come directly to you to talk about it.

4. When I am not able to deliver on a promise (when my actions create the gap) I will inform you ahead of time.
5. When you confront me about the gaps I have created, I will tell you the truth.

If we can apply these steps in every relationship – trust will grow and our relationships will get stronger.

Life Apps ~ Rest

I want to thank Scottie for in a very humorous and yet powerful way showing many of us exactly where we are in life. Scottie shows us two important truths, the first is that our lives our full. Now they are full of some very good things like families, jobs, friends, activities and the church but are lives are full. The second thing Scottie helps make clear is that many of us are trying to live life at a pace that is unsustainable. We can’t hold on to everything we have in life and keep up the pace at which we are living.


Now before we dig into this app let me be clear that the answer to our problem isn’t to let go of the good things in life – the answer isn’t to let go of jobs, relationships, church, or supporting our children in their faith, school, sports and activities, the answer is to slow down the pace of life and make sure we are taking care of our physical needs so we can hang on to all those good things. Of all the life apps we are looking at during this series, this is the only one that specifically addresses our physical needs and it may be the one that can have the greatest impact on every other aspect of our lives because it helps us live at a more sustainable pace and the reality is that every part of our lives will move to a better place when we live at a sustainable pace.

So the app we are going to look at is rest and we learn what it is all about from the prophet Elijah. What many of us might remember about Elijah is that he was the prophet that took on and defeated all the priests of Baal. It’s an amazing story found in 1 Kings 18 and in a nut shell Elijah challenges all the priests of the god Baal to prove once and for all which god is truly God, Baal or the God of Elijah, the one true God – our God. So both Elijah and the priests prepare a bull as a sacrifice and they lay it on an altar and whichever one can call down fire from their god to consume the sacrifice will prove which god is God. Elijah lets the priests of Baal go first and they call out to their god and nothing happens. They cry louder and louder and louder, and nothing happens, they begin to dance around the altar and nothing happened. No matter what they do, no fire comes from heaven.

Now Elijah didn’t just watch this with amusement, he actually began to mock them. He told the priests that maybe their god was busy, maybe he had wandered away and gotten lost, or maybe they just needed to cry out louder so he could hear them. All day long the priests of Baal cried out to their god and nothing happened.

Then Elijah steps forward and before he does anything he has the sacrifice that he has prepared doused with water. In fact, he pours so much water on the altar that a trench that was dug around the altar filled with water and then Elijah calmly says… 1 Kings 18:36-37. No shouting, no pleading, no dancing around the altar, just simple words and once they are said, God acts. 1 Kings 18:38.

Not only are the priests shown up, but Elijah then has them captured and killed. Elijah then says that God will end a three year drought that has devastated the people and sure enough not long after that, the rains come and bring an end to the drought.

Now after all of this you would think that Elijah would be celebrated, but he is not, in fact Jezebel, the queen who has opposed Elijah this entire time, doubles down on her efforts to destroy him. Look at 1 Kings 19:1-2. Elijah is again being persecuted and attacked so he runs for his life and ends up alone and exhausted in the wilderness where he simply says to God, enough. I have had enough. 1 Kings 19:3-4a.

Have you ever been there? Have you ever gotten to that place where you just said, God, I have had enough. I can’t do this anymore, I’m just too tired. We have all been there; some of us are there right now. We are running that treadmill trying our best to hold on to everything and yet in our hearts we are saying, I have had enough. I can’t keep this pace up anymore and hold everything together. I just can’t do it. We all get to that place and what we need to know is that it is a dangerous place to be because it is a place of discouragement and depression – it was for Elijah. Look at 1 Kings 19:4b.

What’s amazing to think about is that Elijah has gone from an incredible victory to a place of complete despair and the reason he has sunk so low is because he is exhausted. The pace of his life has been unsustainable and God’s answer isn’t to scold him – it is to save him and God saves him by showing him a pattern for life that will help Elijah in the long run and the pattern is simple: rest, replenishment and recreation, look at 1 Kings 19:5-9a.

Do you see the pattern here? God has Elijah sleep, then eat, then sleep some more, then eat some more, then take a nice long walk (ok a 40 day journey – but still a nice long walk) and then sleep some more. The pattern is rest, replenishment and recreation or sleep, eat and then go take a walk. Today a lot of time and energy is focused on eating right and getting enough exercise so we aren’t going to talk about that, instead lets focus on rest. I’m not sure we take seriously the need we have physically, emotionally and spiritually for rest, but God takes this seriously. God takes rest so seriously that he built it into creation. God gives rest its own day, on the 7th day of creation God rested so rest is actually part of the creative order and process. But then God goes further and commands us to rest in the 10 commandments by telling us to remember and keep the Sabbath as a day of rest.

God takes rest seriously and we need to as well, but I’m not sure we do. Studies show that the average person needs 8 hours of sleep each night, but we get only 7. Think about it, every year we are losing 365 hours of rest which is the equivalent to 15 days. Think about what your life would be like if you stayed awake for 15 days in a row? How effective or ineffective you would be on your job if you were to stay awake for 15 days in a row. Think about what your relationships would be like. I don’t know about you but when I don’t sleep well just one night I am cranky, irritable and less able to deal with simple every day stress and that just gets worse as it goes along. In other words I can’t sustain a normal pace in life let alone the pace that I try to keep at times when I don’t get good rest.

So our lack of rest is having a negative impact on our lives, it effects our work but even more importantly it is having a negative effect on our relationships. There was a study done by Marcus Buckingham a number of years ago that asked 600 parents what they thought their children most wanted from them. What do you think they said? What do you think children most want from their parents? You might think it is money, the latest electronics, maybe even more time, but it wasn’t any of that, what children want most were parents who were less tired. Think about this parents, your children don’t want more time with you, they want a more rested you. They want someone who isn’t tired and stressed out but refreshed and ready to engage them in the fullness of life. Are you willing to give your children what they want? Are you willing to fight to give your children what they need?

So let’s get practical for a moment. I’m not going to tell you that you need 8 hours of sleep because the truth is everyone is different, and you probably know how many of hours of sleep your body needs – the question is are you getting it? Not only are you getting enough rest, but is the rest and sleep that you are getting good – is it truly restful. Here is one practice that can dramatically improve our sleep, don’t check email or social media before you go to bed at night and don’t make it a habit first thing in the morning. There are two reasons for this and the first is emotional. When we check email and see that note from work or a reminder about the appointment we have the next day, how well do we sleep? We don’t sleep well because our minds are suddenly engaged and we are planning or worrying about what we need to do the next day. Or if you check facebook and twitter at night and you see that post or tweet that gets your blood pressure going it’s hard to then calm down and rest.

So the first reason not to check email and social media right before you go bed is emotional, but the other one is physical. A study has just been done that shows how the light that comes from laptops, ipads, notebooks like kindle and cell phones is a blueish light that suppresses the production of melatonin in our brains and melatonin helps us fall asleep. What they think is happening is that the light from all our devices is tricking our brain into thinking that it is daylight and so our brains are telling us that we should stay awake. The problem is that because ipads and mobile phones are so small we can take them to bed with us where we hold them closer to our eyes as we check our email, social media and search the web which means that our brains are chemically being told to stay awake – which means that it takes us longer to fall asleep and our sleep is less restful. So if you check email or social media right before you go bed at night or if you are in the habit of spending time on the computer right before you go to bed - you aren’t getting a good night’s sleep. So here is one thing you can do to get a better night’s sleep – unplug to recharge. Unplug from social media, unplug from your ipads, notebooks and laptops, unplug first thing at night and first thing in the morning to fully recharge.

Another practice you might want to try would be to unplug from all electronic devices for a day. For one day don’t turn on your computer, stay away from facebook and twitter and allow your mind, spirit and eyes time to just rest. I’m pretty sure that the next day facebook will still be there and you will be able to see what everyone did. For many people today the addiction they struggle with isn’t drugs or alcohol it’s social media. If we constantly need to check email, facebook and twitter we are not getting the rest we need and we are not being present with those who are with us. So don’t just unplug before you go to bed at night, unplug for a day to recharge.

Not only do we need good rest every day and maybe unplug for a period of time every week, but we need some times of rest every season as well. To keep a sustainable pace in life we might need to take quarterly or seasonal days off. Plan a few days off or a few days away every season or after long periods of stress at work to allow yourself to rest and reflect. Jesus did this. After a busy and stressful period of ministry Jesus would get away, sometimes by himself and sometimes with his disciples. So we should build a day off or a day away into your schedules and then don’t allow anything to rob you of that day. Keeping these days of rest can be a fight, but the end result is worth it.

Let me also so that rest with your spouse or with your family is just as important, so take a few days every season to get away with your family and don’t make it a vacation where you fill every moment with activity, make times for rest, remember your children want a more rested you not a more active you and not just more time with you, so plan some time of rest and reflection with your family. Take a walk. This is the best season of the year to simply take a walk as a family and when you do, leave the cell phone at home.

So what Scottie showed us and what the story of Elijah teaches us is that our life will move to a better place when we move at a sustainable pace. What is your pace like? Is it sustainable or out of control? The truth is you may not be the best one to answer that question, so ask your spouse, ask a friend who knows you well and no matter what they say, don’t get defensive and don’t make excuses, apply what you need to do because application is…. Everything!

We need to fight to apply the pattern God has given us. Rest, replenish and recreation. Sleep, eat, take a walk and then… yes, you hear me right… then … take a nap.


Next Steps

Our life moves to a better place when we move at a sustainable pace.

Ask someone close to you if the pace of your life is sustainable. As they share, don’t defend or explain, just listen.

If the pace of your life is unsustainable, start a new pattern by
• Taking a nap.
• Taking a walk with family or friends.
• Scheduling a few days away to rest and reflect.

Unplug to Recharge
• For the next 7 days, don’t check email or social media before bed or first thing in the morning.
• Turn off all electronics for one day this month.
• Find someone to hold you accountable in these areas.

Pray. It’s ok to tell God you have had enough, but then ask God for help and support as you work to change the pace of your life.