Soul Detox ~ Toxic Comparisons

Today we are going to finish up our Soul Detox series by looking at what might be the spiritual toxin the leads to all the rest: envy.  In his book, Soul Detox, Craig Groeschel defines envy as the marriage of comparison and resentment. Comparison + Resentment = Envy.  When we compare what we have to what others have and resent that they have it instead of us – it’s envy.  Harold Coffin says that envy is counting the other person’s blessings instead of our own. 

Envy is dangerous because it leads to many of the other toxic things we have been talking about.  Envy can lead to toxic words because we not only resent what others have but we end up putting them down because they have what we want.  Envy can lead to toxic fear when we see others get ahead in life when we aren’t and we wonder what will happen to us in the long run.  Envy can lead to toxic relationships when we start comparing our marriages and children with others and when everyone else’s families look perfect we start asking ourselves what’s wrong with ours.  Envy can lead to toxic beliefs about ourselves because we tell ourselves the reason we don’t have what others have is because we aren’t good enough.  Envy also permeate much of today’s toxic culture because everywhere we turn we are told to compare ourselves to others and that if we want to be happy we have to have all the things that everyone else has.  In so many ways envy, or our toxic comparisons of others, is at the root of much of what is poisoning us.

Now envy is not just an issue with material things.  While we can be envious of someone else’s bigger house, newer car or smaller phone, we can also be envious of relationships.  When we start comparing our marriages to the marriages of others and our families with the families we see around us it can lead us to want something different or something more.  We can also envy appearances.  When we start comparing what we look like to what others look like, we can begin to envy someone else’s shape and size and ability.  This kind of envy leads to eating disorders in some and the use of steroids in others.  Some people are looking to get smaller and others are looking to get larger.  Toxic comparisons keep us unhappy and dissatisfied by always by telling us that we need to be someone and something we aren’t.

In high school I was envious of Dave Lyons.  Dave was athletic, good looking and had lots of friends.  One day I happened to hear that Dave weighed 135 pounds and so I thought that if I could just weigh 135 pounds I would be happy.  Remember I was overweight and so I envied those who were thin and I believed that if I could just be thin – I would be happy.  To this day I tell people that my ideal weight is 135 pounds.  Now I know it’s not but that toxic comparison has stayed with me for 35 years.

After college I envied the manger I worked with.  I worked harder than she did and I had better relationships with our staff than she did and our district manager even said, you know I really see the two of you as co-managers – which was nice, but I wasn’t getting the salary or the bonus she was getting.  I had to fight the poison of envy in that job and sometimes I have fight the poison of envy in this job.  Pastors are not immune to toxic comparisons.  In both Altoona and Lewisburg I envied the parking lots that other churches had because we had almost no off street parking.  Do you know what I did my very first week here at Faith Church?  I walked through the parking lot and counted every space!  I was excited to have a parking lot that with 237 parking spaces, but I’ll be honest, there was a little bit of pride and ego that I now served a church that had this kind of parking.  I’m not proud of this, but I share it because envy is all around us and if left unchecked it can lead to many other kinds of evil.  That’s what we read in James 3:14-16.  Every evil practice!

The truth is that envy is not only all around us; it has been around from the very beginning.  Let’s go back to Adam and Eve.  God placed them in the Garden of Eden and told them they could eat anything they wanted except the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, but then the serpent came to Eve and started talking to her about that particular tree and how good the fruit looked.  It was then that she started to make some toxic comparisons.

Look at Genesis 3:6.  Look at the words here, she saw that the fruit was good and pleasing and desirable.  All the rest of the fruit that she had been given was also good and pleasing and desirable, but Eve wasn’t looking at those things, she was looking at what she didn’t have.  She knew this fruit wasn’t hers, it belonged to God and she knew God said don’t eat that fruit, but because in her comparison it looked better than what she had, she and her husband both took it.  Toxic comparisons and envy was part of original sin which means that in some way we all struggle with it.

To prove this point, let’s look at the children of Adam and Eve, Cain and Able.  Cain was a farmer and Able raised livestock and one day they both made an offering to God.  God looked on Able’s offering with favor, but not Cain’s and while we don’t know what the difference was in their offerings, we know that Cain looked at his brother and envied the blessing he received and instead of being happy for his brother and working on his own heart and life in order to bring an acceptable offering to God himself, he went out and murdered his brother.  For Adam and Eve, envy led to disobedience to God but with their children it led to murder.   Envy leads to all kinds of evil and we see it all through the Bible.

In Genesis 30 it says that Rachel envied her sister Leah because Leah could have children and Rachel could not.  Rachel and Leah were both married to Jacob and because Rachel wanted children like her sister, she sent her servant to have a child with Jacob in her place which only led to more children and more dysfunction until that family became the poster-family for toxic relationships.  Envy led to a broken family full of strife.  The brothers born to Leah and Rachel and their servants also struggled with envy because they compared their fathers love and favor for his favorite son Joseph with how they were being treated, and that comparison and resentment led them to sell their brother Joseph into slavery.  Again, we see envy leading to all kinds of evil.

King Saul envied the praise and adoration that the warrior David was receiving with his victories in battle.  Instead of being happy for David and even taking David along side of him to celebrate their victories together, his envy led Saul to be consumed with an anger and jealously that not only cost him the throne, but it cost him his life.  And if you think it about, Jesus was condemned by the religious leaders of his day because they envied the crowds that followed him.  The religious leaders envied the praise that Jesus had among the people and they feared losing their own power so they took action to not only silence Jesus, but to destroy him.  So we see that envy leads to disobedience to God, family dysfunction, sibling rivalry, the loss of jobs, the loss of life and even the death of Jesus.

Envy truly does lead to all kinds of evil.  Proverbs 14:30 says a heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.  Envy rots the very fabric of our lives and maybe it was the philosopher Socrates who said it best, “envy is the daughter of pride, the author of murder and revenge, and the perpetual tormentor of virtue.  Envy is the filthy slime of the soul; a venom, a poison, which consumes the flesh and dries up the marrow of the bones.  Envy is an ulcer of the soul.”

So how do we guard against envy and rid ourselves of this poison?  The first thing we need to do is guard ourselves from the comparisons we make with others.  Envy actually begins innocently enough when we stop and compare what we have with others and these comparisons aren’t bad if we can celebrate the blessings and gifts we see in others.  The Bible tells us this is what we need to do.  Romans 12:15 says, rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

Rejoicing with those who rejoice means looking at the lives of others and not wanting what they have but celebrating with them what they have and how God has blessed them.  Think about the difference in the story of Cain and Able if Cain had celebrated with Able the blessing of God.  Think about how Saul’s life and maybe the nation of Israel would have been different if Saul had taken David under his wing and celebrated his victories and success instead of envying them.  Celebrating with others can transform our lives and bring its own blessing.

When someone is promoted at work above us – we should celebrate with them and not be bitter that we were overlooked.  When people around us find success while we are experiencing failure we shouldn’t resent what is going in their lives but throw a party for them.  It’s not easy, but when we do this we cut envy off at the knees and open the door for God to bless us as well.  The same is true in relationships, when someone finds their true love we should celebrate that relationship and not be angry that our relationships are far from ideal or that we don’t have any relationships at all.

So we need to guard ourselves against toxic comparisons and one way we can do this is to just be thankful for what we have, look at   1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. When we are thankful for what we have, it’s hard to be envious of what others have.  When our eyes are fixed on the blessings God has given us it’s hard to see how green the grass is on the other side of the fence.  One of the ways to fight envy is to simply make a list of all we are thankful for.

What are you thankful for today?  When you look at your life, your marriage or friendships, your children and family?  What are you thankful for?  When you consider your job and career, your home and community, what can you give thanks for?  Can you thank God for the love of family and friends?  Can you thank God for a job and the resources to make it to through the day?  Can you thank God for friends that support you and a church that provides opportunities for worship, support and service?  I am convinced that once we stop comparing ourselves with others and begin to thank God for what he has given us – it begins to beak the power of envy in our hearts and lives.

Not only is giving thanks for all God has given us a way to clear out envy, but so is spending time with people who are truly thankful.  This week at the Young at Heart lunch, Jim McKinley shared about his battle with guillain-barre syndrome and how in a matter of days that sickness took Jim’s health and strength and in time took his home, truck and much of his money.  But it doesn’t take long being around Jim to see that he is an amazingly thankful person.  When he shared with us on Thursday he said over and over again how thankful he was for our prayers, our love and our invitation to him to come and share his story.  After feeding tubes for a long time, Jim is thankful that he can eat and he was thankful on Thursday for all the good food that was provided.  I was humbled. When I envy what others have and get frustrated that my life isn’t what I thought it would be or want it to be and then see what Jim goes through… honestly, I’m embarrassed by my toxic comparisons.  Jim doesn’t envy the life of others – he is thankful for his life and the blessings God has given him even in the midst of his limitations.  I tell you what, spend some time with people who are truly thankful despite their situations and envy disappears while gratitude and humility fills the heart.

Toxic comparisons and envy leads to all kinds of evil and it enters our heart and minds so easily and quietly, so we need to guard against it and overcome it by everyday giving thanks for what we have and truly celebrating when we see God’s blessings in the life of others.  If we can get this right, I believe that toxic words, relationships and beliefs begin to lose their power and we find strength to stand against the pull of the toxic culture around us.  If we get this right and really learn how to give thanks – we begin to the find the life God has given to us.
 
Next Steps
Soul Detox ~ Toxic Comparisons

1.  In what areas of your life do you tend to make the most comparisons?  
• Material possessions
• Relationships and family
• Appearance
• Ability
• Jobs and career
• Faith

What might this tell you about toxic fears and insecurities that need to be overcome or how toxic words that have shaped your life?  


2.  In what ways have you seen envy lead to other problems in your life, relationships and family?


3. If one antidote to envy is to “rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep”, who are the people in your life with whom you can rejoice?  What might that celebration look like?  Who are the people with whom you can weep?


4.  Spend time each day giving thanks for what God has given you.  Share these thanksgivings with others.


5.  Ask people this week to tell you five things they are thankful for and help others overcome envy.

Soul Detox ~ Toxic Culture

I remember sitting at my sister’s house one night with her family watching the Drew Carey Show.  It was a popular show back in the 90’s and it was a pretty harmless in its content as TV shows go.  My niece was maybe 10 years old at the time and after one racy joke with some clear sexual innuendo she asked us why everyone was laughing.  We just avoided the question until there was another joke, and then another and my niece kept asking what it all meant.  I turned to my sister at one point and said, isn’t there a rerun of the Brady Brunch on or maybe the Andy Griffith Show?  I had never thought of the Drew Carey Show as being that inappropriate, but suddenly watching it with my 10 year old niece gave me a different perspective.  Not long after that, the same exact thing happened when we rented the first of the Austin Power’s movies and once again my niece started asking lots of questions that we really didn’t want to answer.

Those two situations taught me two valuable lessons.  The first one is that the messages that surround us in our culture, whether it’s from TV, movies, music, magazines, websites, games and social media, are not always appropriate or in line with our values as followers of Jesus.  Just because something is socially acceptable and popular doesn’t mean it is good for our spiritual well being.  The second lesson was that I had become completely desensitized to those messages.  I didn’t hear the jokes as being inappropriate.  I didn’t see the situations that were being presented as that bad or bad at all and I didn’t see that the values being portrayed were not in line with my own.  I just accepted it as part of how things are today.  I didn’t see the toxic nature of what I was consuming which meant I didn’t take seriously how these cultural toxins were negatively effecting my life.  

In his book Soul Detox, Craig Groeschel defines cultural toxins as things that may be culturally acceptable and yet actually hurt our soul.  The truth is that these cultural toxins don’t just hurt our souls and pull us away from a deeper relationship with God and a fuller life of faith; they are also destroying our lives, marriages, families and community.  Now I am going to be honest and tell you that at this point in putting the sermon together, I just stopped.  For about two days I actually couldn’t keep going because I didn’t know what to say next.  Do I talk about the cultural toxins we see in TV, movies, music, gambling, gaming, magazines, books, social media or the internet?  Do I talk about the cultural toxin of violence or sex, the disregard for human life or the extreme profanity that permeates it all?   These cultural toxins are everywhere and the empirical evidence of their negative effect is at times hard to nail down.  For example, does watching Grand Theft Auto 5 lead to more violent behavior?  Does reading 50 Shades of Grey lead to more promiscuous behavior?

While the scientific studies aren’t conclusive, I think we can all agree that there are negative effects to some of what we see in the world around us.  The messages and images we consume through all the different forms of media available to us today are shaping our hearts and lives.  It is changing what we see as socially acceptable for ourselves and for our children.  We are that frog in the kettle and the water is getting hot and we just don’t feel it.  Our culture is becoming more toxic and we keep saying, but that’s just the way things are.

Even if we do admit that things are getting worse, many times we don’t think that our exposure to these things is making a difference in us or will have any kind of lasting impact upon us, but this is just not true.  I don’t have scientific evidence to back this up, but let me tell you a compelling story.  I spent a summer working with Alzheimer’s patients at a nursing home in Atlanta and one of the things that surprised me and many family members of the residents who lived there was when sweet southern church going ladies suddenly started swearing like sailors.  I had grown children say to me; I didn’t think my Mom even knew that word, after hearing their kind gentle mother drop the f-bomb.  Obviously they did know the word and they knew how to use it as well.  What that shows me is that the cultural images and messages we see and hear do penetrate our hearts and minds.  It’s all in here (head) and it’s all in here (heart) and it does matter.
The Bible also tells us that these things matter and that we need to take them seriously.  Proverbs 25:26 says, like a muddied spring or a polluted well are the righteous who give way to the wicked.  A muddy spring can’t give you clean water to drink and a polluted well cannot provide life for a village.  When we allow the toxic elements from our culture to enter our lives and have free reign within us, then we are that muddied spring or polluted well which cannot produce real life.  So what’s the answer?  Let me be clear that the answer I want share today is not that we stop watching TV or movies; it’s not that we only listen to Christian music and read Christian books, and it’s not that we stop surfing the internet all together.  The answer is not to become a recluse and remove ourselves from society.  We are called to live in the world and to be part of it, but we are not to be of the world, we are not to allow the world to shape us.  The answer to this, for me is to bring God and others into our lives and into our consumption of today’s media.

Look at Romans 12:2 (NIV).  Now listen to it from Eugene Peterson’s version of the Bible, The Message: Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.  

In talking about the culture around us, Paul doesn’t tell us to avoid it or remove ourselves from it, he just says don’t be conformed to it.  In other words we can’t let the culture shape our values; we need our values shaped by God.  Fix your attention on God, he says, and you will be shaped from the inside out.  When we focus on our relationship with God and allow God’s will and desire for our lives and world to shape us we will begin to see the cultural toxins around us for what they are and in time God will direct us away from these things that seek to drag us down.

So the first thing we need to do is focus on God.  What are the values of God’s kingdom?  How does God want us to treat others and what do healthy relationships look like?  What should be our priorities and goals in this world?  What kind of words and messages truly honor God?  It’s important that we have a handle on all of this because not only will these be the things that will shape us but we this will be the standard by which we test the things around us.

Look at 1 Thessalonians 5:21-22:  test everything; hold fast to what is good; reject every kind of evil.  We need to evaluate what we see and hear on TV and in the movies.  We need to test the messages that we get from our popular culture but we don’t test them by using the standards of the world and by what is culturally acceptable or politically correct; we test them by the standards of God.  If something is good and in line with the will and heart of God then we should hold on to it, but if it is evil, we should reject it and consider letting it go.

This week I want to encourage all of us to do a cultural inventory.  Make a list of all the media we consume?  What TV shows do we watch?  What music do we listen to?  What games do we play?  What sites do we visit on-line?  What movies have we seen recently?  As we think about these specific areas of our lives we need to start asking ourselves what messages and values we are seeing and hearing?  Once we can name the message, we can then test it against God’s heart.  Are the values that are being portrayed in the media we consume in line with the values of God’s kingdom?  I’m going to tell you right now that the answer in many cases is going to be “no”.  Our culture has drifted far away from what God wants it to be, but this is nothing new.  Jesus faced this same issue.

Look at Luke 9:46.  Now here’s what we need to understand, the disciples are having this argument about who is the greatest right after Jesus has told them that he is going to suffer and die.  Jesus is saying that the values of God’s kingdom are selflessness and sacrifice but all the disciples are focused on is becoming the greatest.  It’s as if they have been watching too many episodes of Survivor or The Apprentice.  All they can think about is coming out on top.  They want positions of power and privilege because they have been told over and over again that winning is what is important and being the top dog is what will make you happy.  Not much has changed.  This is the same message we hear and see all around us today.

So Jesus had cultural toxins that he had to face in his day and he tried to help his disciples see that what they were focused on was wrong.  Let’s keep reading in Luke 9:47-48.  Jesus tried to give another message about where true life is found, but he doesn’t have much success with the disciples because in Luke 22:24-27 they are at it again.  

Jesus says it well here, the culture around you says one thing, but I am giving you a very different message.  Don’t strive to come out on top – strive to serve.  The leader among you is going to be the servant.  The greatest is going to be the least.  While the disciples don’t have all the electronic media surrounding them that we do, they were getting the same message that we hear today and Jesus is trying to help them test that message to see if it is from God.

So we need to identify the cultural messages we see and hear and test them to see if it is in line with God’s values.  If they are – great, hold on to them.  If they are not – it doesn’t mean we uproot them from our lives altogether, but it does mean we need to stop and think about it.  Now clearly some material we consume might be so damaging and offensive that we need to reject it completely, but much of the material we see and hear is going to fall into a grey area.  Action movies have a lot of violence – does this mean we can’t ever watch them again?  TV, music and books have a lot of questionable sexual situations, does that mean we don’t watch TV, listen to music or read any books unless they are Christian?  Some will say yes, I am going to say – maybe.

Look at 1 Corinthians 6:12.  We no longer live under the law where everything is black or white, yes or no.  We don’t live under a strict set of rules that says all secular music is bad and all R-rated movies are evil.  We have freedom in Christ, but we have to use that freedom wisely.  Again, we are called to be in the world – which means interacting in the world around us – even speaking to it in positive ways at times, but we cannot let the world shape our values.  So how do we walk this tight rope?  Here is what I think can be valuable, invite other people into the world of our cultural consumption.  In other words we need to start talking to trusted people about what we are watching and listening to and what sites we surf online and books we read.  If we are open and honest with others about what we are consuming it gives them a chance to speak to us about the situation and it keeps the us living in the light.  If there are things we don’t want to talk about with others, if there are things that we keep hidden in the dark, then chances are those things are not healthy for us and if left unchecked they will take over our lives.  If we are willing to talk about it and keep it in the light, at least it helps us evaluate and test what we are experiencing.

A couple of years ago some friends and I were away together on a Monday night.  They wanted to watch one of their favorite TV shows Dancing with the Stars because it was the semi-finals and I wanted to watch the next to last episode of my favorite TV show – 24.  Now if you know the TV show 24, you know that it is pretty violent and my friends were surprised that I enjoyed it as much as I did.  We actually agreed to watch our shows in separate parts of the house and during the commercial of Dancing with the Stars Jeff came and watched some of 24 with me.  As I was explaining to him all that had gone on that season and what we were watching in that scene I realized that the show really was pretty violent.  Again, I had gotten desensitized to it all and what was helpful for me was just talking about it.

I’ll be honest, I watched the rest of that season of 24 and I watched the end of the series as well, but talking about the show that night at least opened my eyes to what I was consuming and allowing into my life.  I could see that the message and values of the show didn’t always line up with my values as a follower of Jesus.  Sometimes it is just important to have someone hold us accountable to what we are watching, listening to, reading and visiting on line.  The more we shed light on things and discuss them, the better off we are.

This is especially truth with our children and youth.  Parents, you need to know what your children are watching and listening to you, you need to see where they are going on line and what kind of messages and images they are being exposed to and you need to talk to them about the values that lie beneath it all.  If there can be more discussion with our children and youth about the toxic messages they are consuming and we can remind them and teach them the right values then maybe there can be less bullying and violence, less teenage pregnancy and eating disorders.  Maybe tragedies like the suicide of a 14 year old girl in Florida and the arrest of a 12 and 14 year old girl for the bullying that led to her death can be avoided.

So realistically, the answer to guarding our hearts and lives against cultural toxins isn’t living in a germ free environment.  We can’t become the boy in the bubble.  We will never be free of the messages we see and hear in the media that surrounds us, but we can be aware that some of them are toxic and filled with lies.  We can limit their input by cutting out that which is truly offensive and we can monitor and discuss with others that which remains.  And we always need to invite God into our lives.  Are we comfortable thinking that God is by our side as we watch TV?  Are we comfortable inviting Jesus to go to the movies with us?  Are we aware that the Holy Spirit surrounds us as we surf the net, play video games, read the latest Danielle Steele novel or listen to the latest song by Miley Cyrus?  God is there and maybe just being aware of God’s presence will help us filter out all that is toxic.

If nothing else today, I hope we can take to heart the words we heard from Romans 12 and not be so well-adjusted to our culture that we fit into it without thinking.  Instead, I hope we will fix attention on God so we can be changed from the inside out.  The culture around us always wants to drag us down to its level of immaturity, but God brings out the best in us and it is God and those of faith around us that help develop well-formed maturity in us.



Next Steps
Soul Detox ~ Toxic Culture

*1.  Do a cultural inventory of all the media you consume.  Include specific names of what you watch, read, play and listen to:
Social Media
Websites
Blogs
Podcasts
Games
Apps
Music
Movies
TV
Radio
Books
Magazines

*2.  What are the dominate messages from these sources in the following areas:
Money
Marriage
Happiness
Sex
Success
Beauty
Work
Violence
Friendship
Family

(*taken from Craig Groeschel’s Soul Detox Participant’s Guide)


3.  Share this inventory and the messages you receive with someone you trust who can help you test the messages to make sure they are healthy for you.

If there are areas you aren’t willing to share – consider giving them up.


4. Invite God into your daily consumption of media through intentional reflection and prayer.

Soul Detox ~ Toxic Beliefs

Watch this Video Clip

Our thoughts are important.  The can tell us we are the strike out king, or the greatest pitcher in the world.  What we believe about ourselves, the world around us and the character of God not only shapes our faith but in many ways determines how we live, what we will strive and what we will become.  In Proverbs 4:23 it says. Carefully guard your thoughts because they are the source of true life (CEV) and Proverbs 23:7 says, for as he thinks in his heart, so is he.  (NKJV)  That little boy thought in his mind that he was the greatest pitcher in the world, and for that moment – he was.  And my guess is that in the days he kept working hard. So our thoughts and beliefs are important.  They form our hearts and give direction to our lives.  Jesus affirms this idea several times in his Sermon on the Mount.  In that sermon Jesus says that while our actions and how we treat others is important, what really matters is how we think and what we believe.

 Look at Matthew 5:21-22 and 27-28.  So while the actions of adultery and murder clearly matter to God, they are wrong, Jesus is telling us that just as important are the thoughts that lead to those actions.  When our thoughts and beliefs are based on God’s truth and are in line with God’s word and will then our lives are healthy and we are able to experience the fullness of life God wants for us – we are the greatest pitchers and hitters in the world, but when our thoughts and beliefs are based on lies and half-truths – when they are toxic – there is simply no way we can experience the peace, love, joy and life God wants for us.

Too many of us are being robbed of the joy and beauty of life because of toxic thoughts and beliefs.   When we think that we will never amount to anything, it robs of us energy and passion to dream big dreams and reach for those goals.  When we think that our lives are so messed up and we have sinned so many times that God can’t possibly love or forgive us it robs us of the peace and the joy that comes with salvation.  When we ask ourselves daily, is this all there is to life, it limits our vision and without vision the Bible says, we die.  So we need to identify the toxic thoughts that poison our lives and find ways to overcome them.
Let’s first ask where many of these thoughts come from in the first place. Many of the toxic beliefs we have about ourselves have been formed because of toxic words and relationships that have been part of our lives.  If all we heard growing up was that we would never amount to anything, then that belief shapes our life.  If we are daily surrounded by chronic complainers and constant critics then in time we begin to believe the worst about others and harsh judgment shapes our understanding of God and the world instead of seeing hope and possibility.  Since toxic words and relationships can bring about toxic beliefs about ourselves, we need to make sure we know how to build good fences and limit the toxic words and messages we allow into our lives.  Words and relationships really do matter because they shape and form our hearts and minds and as we heard from Proverbs, life comes from the thoughts of our hearts and minds.

So that’s where these toxic beliefs often come from, but once they have found a home within us we have to own up to them and begin to deal honestly with them.  The first thing we need to do is name them.  What are the toxic thoughts and beliefs that shape our lives?  What are the poisonous messages and lies about ourselves, God and how we view the world that hold us back from experiencing more of what God wants for us?  To help us identify these toxic beliefs, Craig Groeschell has identified four types of toxic thoughts: Pessimism – Anxiety - Bitterness - Criticism

Pessimism is really just being negative about everything we see in us, around us and in our future.  This kind of negative thinking about ourselves leads us to believe that we simply don’t have what it takes to make something good of our lives.  These thoughts tell us constantly that our life is bad and it’s never going to get any better.  If this kind of thinking persists, we slowly begin to see the world this way.  We begin to believe that our jobs will never get any better, our marriage and family is doomed to fail and our county will just continue to just get worse.  With the kind of economic and political problems we see today, this kind of negative thinking is everywhere and it can easily poison our hearts.
Pessimism often leads to anxiety, which brings with it worry and fear.  For example, if the economy never gets better, what is going to happen to us?  What will happen to our families?  Will we be able to keep our homes?  Will our jobs be there next month?  Will we have food on the table?  Will we be able to put gas in the car?  These are personal and economic anxieties we face, but there are also spiritual ones we struggle with and the one I hear most often is this:  how can God truly love or forgive me after all I have done?  And if God doesn’t forgive me then what hope do I have of a good life here or an eternal life to come?  Anxiety and fear chokes out anything good or positive that God would want to bring into our lives and can physically, emotionally and spiritually destroy us.

Bitterness can also take root in our thoughts and cause us to become dissatisfied with everything.  We start asking ourselves, is this all there is?  I thought I would have more, be more, have done more by this point in my life.  Bitterness often causes us to begin to look out at what others have and become jealous and envious which not only destroys relationships including our relationship with God.  When we are bitter and dissatisfied there is no room for thanksgiving or praise.  This is what the Israelites experienced as they travelled in the wilderness.  They thought they would have had so much more after God delivered them from being slaves in Egypt and when they didn’t get things right away, they became bitter and angry toward God instead of being grateful for the freedom and life  God had given them.

Another category of poisonous thoughts that can take over quickly is criticism.  We talked about this last week in others, but a critical spirit in our hearts and minds us to make quick judgments about others that are often not true and the more critical we become the angrier we become and the angrier we become the more isolated we feel from others and from God.   So as you can see, toxic thoughts are everywhere and we struggle with them every day and it is important to identify and name them so we can begin to overcome them.

While we all struggle with these thoughts on a daily basis, we do not have to allow them to shape our lives.  In fact we need to take action against them.  In 2 Corinthians 10:5 it says take every thought captive to obey Christ.  Once we identify and name a toxic thought we need to take hold of it so that it doesn’t poison everything else within us and then we need to work to overcome it.  The antidote to these toxic thoughts is the word of God.  Every toxic thought and lie that leads to pessimism, anxiety, bitterness or criticism can be overcome by the truth and the life giving power of God’s word.  Here’s how it works.

Let’s take a negative or pessimistic thought that many of us might struggle with.  I don’t have what it takes to make it life.  Many people struggle with this kind of low self esteem and if we allow it remain as part of the foundation of our lives, it will keep us from all that God wants for us because we simply won’t try.  So we name it as a toxic thought and belief, call it out as a lie and use the word of God can overcome it.  Look at Philippians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  If we allow this truth of God to fill our minds and hearts we will find ourselves not feeling defeated and hopeless, but filled with courage and power to step out and become who we want to be and who God created us to be.  With this truth we can become the greatest pitcher in the world, or the greatest hitter or teacher or mother or scientist in the world.

Let’s look at the spiritual anxiety we mentioned earlier: God can never forgive me for all that I have done.  My guess is that many of us have felt this way at times, you may be feeling this way today, and if we allow this toxic thought to take hold in our lives, then we will be anxious about our relationship with God and we will never experience the fullness of life and the joy of salvation.  But here’s the thing, the belief that God can’t or won’t forgive us is a lie.  God longs to forgive us.  God’s desire is to forgive us and there is nothing that can keep God from loving us and forgiving us if we turn to him and the Bible is full of these kinds of words of truth and assurance.

Look at Romans 8:31-39.  If God is for us, then who can be against us?  There is nothing that can keep God’s love from us.  There is no sin so strong that it can keep God’s love away from us.  There is no list of sins so long that it can keep God away.  Nothing can keep God from us.  Look at Psalm 139:11-12.  There is no darkness that is so dark that it will keep the light of God’s love and grace away.  Think about Jesus and the times he forgave people.  He not only forgave a woman caught in adultery but he treated her with kindness and respect.  When a paralyzed man was brought to Jesus with the desire just to walk again, Jesus not only healed him physically but forgave his sins as well.  Jesus longed to forgive people and God’s desire is to forgive us.  In John 3:17 it says that God didn’t send Jesus into the world to condemn us but to save us or to forgive us.  God’s desire is to forgive so if we are experiencing some spiritual anxiety about God’s desire and ability to forgive us, we can overcome those toxic thoughts with these words of God.

Bitterness can be overcome by the word of God.  If the thought that keeps us down is the question, is this all there is for me?  Then we need to capture that thought – offer it to God and ask Him to speak in a way to overcome this lie because God has more for us than we can possibly imagine.  Look at what God said through the prophet Jeremiah, Jeremiah 29:11.  So this is not all there is, God has more for our lives and we can find these plans if we are willing to search for them and trust God.  Look at Ephesians 3:20-21.  God can do more in us than we can possibly imagine.  If we are feeling dissatisfied then we need to turn to God’s word and find the truth which is that no matter where we are in life – God has more for us if we are willing to trust in Him.

We can also overcome critical thoughts with the truth of God’s word.  In James 2:13 it says mercy triumphs over judgment.  The way to overcome a critical spirit is to remember God’s mercy and love toward us and others.  Do you remember the story of the prodigal son?  In that story the younger son goes off and squanders his share of the inheritance while the older son stayed home and faithfully helped his father.  When the younger brother returns, his father throws a party to welcome him home and while we love that part of the story because we often see ourselves as that wayward young son, think about how the older son felt.  I’m sure he was feeling pretty critical about his father and his brother.  How come Dad is doing all this for him when he treated Dad so poorly.  I don’t get a party?  I don’t even get a thank you.   I can only imagine the critical spirit the older brother must have been experiencing.  But do you know what happens next?

We often miss this in the story, but the father goes out and talks to the older brother and by going out to him he is showing him mercy.  The father is not holding that critical and judgmental spirit against him, he offers him grace and love.  That father is God and God offers us mercy when we are critical and that mercy helps us extend mercy to those we are critical towards and that begins to disarm our anger and change our thoughts.  So again, the word of God can help us overcome the toxic thoughts and beliefs that poison our lives.

So the best way to get rid of toxic thoughts is to identify and name them, hold them captive and replace them with the truth of God.  Now we can live our lives doing this every time a negative thought enters our mind, but there is another way to approach this.  Think about your lawn.  If you want to have a healthy lawn without any weeds you can go out and capture every weed that you see and pull it out by the roots, but the better way to get keep all the weeds out is to grow really good and strong grass.  If you feed and fertilize the grass you have, in time its root system will grow so thick that there will not be any room for weeds to take root.  The same is true with our hearts.

The best way to get rid of toxic thoughts and beliefs long term is to constantly fill our hearts and minds with the positive, healthy, life giving words of God and this is exactly what God tells us to do.  Look at Philippians 4:8-9.  If we fill our hearts and minds with God’s truth which is true, noble, right, pure and lovely – then toxic thoughts will have no room to take root and grow.  As long as God’s truth is filling our hearts and lives – there is simply no room for toxic lies to enter in.

So what we think and believe is important because it is from these thoughts that our life flows.  If we want to experience the fullness of life God has for us, then it needs to flow from a healthy heart and mind filled with God’s truth.  This week let’s begin to come clean by filling every part of our heart and mind with all that is right and true and lovely from God’s word and when the weeds pop up and those toxic thoughts enter our minds, let’s capturing them and replacing them with God’s truth.  We can take these thoughts captive and we can replace them with the power of God’s word and when we do, who knows maybe we do become the greatest pitcher in the world.    




Next Steps
Soul Detox – Toxic Beliefs

1.  Identify the toxic thoughts and beliefs that shape your thinking and therefore give direction to your life?  What category would you place them in?
• Pessimism – negative thoughts
• Anxiety – worry and fearful thoughts
• Bitterness – dissatisfied and discontented thoughts
• Criticism – critical thoughts about others and God

2.  Can you identify the toxic words or relationships that have led to this way of thinking?  Is there something you can do to limit the words or build good fences in these relationships?

3.  What specific scriptures can you find to help overcome the lies of these toxic thoughts?  Here are the ones discussed in the sermon:
I don’t have what it takes and nothing will ever get better.
Philippians 4:13
God can’t possibly love or forgive me after all I have done.
Romans 8:31-39, Psalm 139:11-12
Is this all there is in life?
        Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 30:20-21
Look at how unjust and unfair everyone else is.
James 2:13

4.  Share the words of God’s truth that you find with others.  This way we are able to help one another overcome the toxic lies that try to shape our beliefs.

Email the toxic thoughts you struggle with and the word of God which you have found to help overcome these thoughts to the church so we can compile a resource for others.  
Email to pastor@bellefontefaith.com

Soul Detox ~ Toxic Relationships

People can be difficulty – you know this and you don’t have to look far to find an example, just think about your own family.  Think about the crowd that gathers at your yearly family reunion.  Is there a couple who always shows up wearing matching outfits or someone that always has to be the center of attention?  What about the person who has the story that can top everyone else’s story no matter what it is?  You know what I mean, you talk about your weekend at Ocean City and they talk about their month in Honolulu.  You’re son made the honor roll and their daughter was valedictorian.  You had a bad cold last month but they had walking pneumonia.  It doesn’t matter if what you say is good or bad, they can always top you.  Have a relative like that?  Don’t we all?

Think about where you work.  Is there that one coworker who never has anything positive to say about anything?  You reach all of your goals but they are still critical of how you do your job?  Around the water cooler or lunch table they find fault with everyone and everything.  I’ve worked with a few people like that, not here of course, but over the years I’ve suffered along with people like that.

What about your circle of friends?  Is there that one friend that reminds you of the classic Saturday Night Live character Debbie Downer? 

If you never saw those sketches, Debbie Downer is the friend who went on and on about all the tragic events in the world from hurricanes to mad cow disease to the increase in feline aids.  The Debbie Downers are those who can throw cold water on any party and ruin even the best events.  Now I have to warn you about something, if you can’t think of the family member, coworker or friend who is this challenging to deal with – then maybe it’s you! 

I thought about that this week as I was watching a classic sketch of Debbie Downer when she goes to Walt Disney World.  It got me laughing until I thought back to my first trip to Disney World with my sister’s family.  My sister knows that I am somewhat conservative with my money.  That might be an understatement because family and friends might use the word cheap.  I don’t like to spend a lot of money and so my sister told me before we went that everything at Disney was going to be expensive and she didn’t want to hear about it.  She said, you have the money so just spend it and enjoy it. Don’t complain.  I did pretty well until one day I must have said something about the $3 bottle of water or $5 ice cream cone and my sister just looked at me… you know that look.  It’s the look that says, keep your mouth shut.  At that moment I was the difficult family member that no one wanted to be around.  They could have written a SNL sketch called Annoying Andy. 

The point is we all have challenging, difficult and at times toxic people in our lives.  Sometimes we think we can change them or save them so we keep reaching out to them, but what often ends up happening is we don’t lift them up – they bring us down.  The Bible has something to say about this, look at 1 Corinthians 15:33.  Paul says, Do not be deceived, bad company ruins good morals. 

And 2 Timothy 2:16-17a, Paul says, avoid profane chatter, for it will lead people into more and more impiety and their talk will spread like gangrene.  Gangrene- that’s harsh.  Have you ever seen gangrene?  I hadn’t so I did a google search and all I am going to tell you is - don’t do that!  The pictures are horrific!  Gangrene is when a portion of your flesh dies and the danger of the disease is that it slowly spreads and your skin turns black and your flesh and muscles decay.  It makes my fear of bats seem like nothing.  And that is what Paul says happens when we associate with toxic people for too long.  Spend too much time around the wrong people and our morals decay, our faith weakens and our spirit dies. 

So let’s look at these toxic relationships because we aren’t talking about people who are evil, violent and psychotic, we are talking about the kind of people we interact with every day.  In his book Soul Detox, Craig Groeschel talks about three types of toxic people who can be dangerous to our faith and spirit.  The first are those who are chronic critics.  These are the people who find fault with everything.  The weather is too wet or too dry.  The room is too hot or too cold.  Their meal at the restaurant is never good enough, the service is never fast enough and the cost is always too high.  All they know how to do is pick everything apart.

You might not believe this, but there are a few people like this in the church too – although again, I have to say that there are far fewer in this church than in any other I have ever served.  But I have been in churches where all some people could say was that the music was too loud (or too soft), the songs were too slow (or too fast), and room is too cold in the summer and hot in the winter (or too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter) and the preaching is too long (ok that one might be true). 

While I’ve had a few church members like this through the years, I am thankful that I have never had an entire congregation of them!  But there is someone who did – Moses.  After God delivered the people of Israel out of slavery you would think they would have been thankful, but instead they became chronic complainers.  Right after God parted the Red Sea to save them; they turned around and started complaining about not having good water to drink.  Then they started complaining about the food, Exodus 16:2-3.  They actually said they would have preferred to die as slaves in Egypt than struggle for food as a free people in God’s Promised Land. 

But the criticism wasn’t over, even though God provided for them everywhere they went, every time they arrived in a new location the complaining would start all over again.  Look at Exodus 17:1-3.  Their critical spirit kept them from seeing the hand of God at work among them and their critical spirit began to bring Moses down.  He gets frustrated and cries out to God.  Bad company was ruining good character.    

A second set of toxic people we have to deal with are the constant controllers.  These are the people who want to control every aspect of our lives.  They can be that overbearing parent who starts by setting out our clothes for us in kindergarten but then never stops and then before long they are choosing our friends, our college, our career and our spouse.  The very first wedding I did had this kind of controlling mother and it was the mother of the groom.  In fact, during the wedding I thought it was odd because the only two people in the room who were crying were groom and his mother.  It was a toxic relationship and the marriage lasted a total of 6 months. 

Now Jesus had some controlling people to deal with, in fact his family was controlling.  In Mark 3 Jesus had just begun his ministry and when some negative publicity starts spreading about who Jesus was and what he was doing, his family came and tried to get him to come home.  It says they tried to restrain him because people thought he was crazy.  Jesus family tried to control his life and ministry and so did his disciples.  When Jesus first makes it clear that he was going to go carry a cross and die, Peter said to him, No way Jesus, I will not allow that to happen.  Peter was trying to control the direction of Jesus’ ministry and Jesus response to Peter was, get behind me Satan!  Jesus was not going to be controlled.  Constant controllers can be toxic because they can pull us away from who God wants us to be. 

And the last group of toxic people we need to look out for are the tantalizing tempters.  These are the people who encourage us to do those things we know we shouldn’t do.  These are those friends who encouraged us to drink and smoke when we are young and the ones who tell us we need to have nicer clothes and newer cars as we get older.  These are those old high school friends we reconnect with on facebook that haven’t seemed to mature beyond high school and still gossip, bully and make fun of others.  It is very tempting to fall into their way of thinking and acting because we still want to fit in and belong even though we know this way of life is wrong and will pull us away from God. 

These kinds of relationships can be dangerous because we can find ourselves sliding down that slippery slope.  For example, it starts with the person at work who tells the off color joke and at first we laugh because we want to fit in but then we find that we are the ones telling the jokes.  Or our circle of friends loves to gossip and while we resist at first and just keep our mouth shut, eventually we find ourselves wanting to share the new that we have just heard.   It’s tempting to go along with the crowd so we can feel validated and accepted, but if we are tempted to do things we know are wrong – these relationships are toxic and in time will destroy our faith and lives. 

The biblical answer to all these toxic relationships can be summed up in 2 words, good fences.  A fence keeps in what is good and keeps out what is bad.  When I moved into the parsonage 5 years ago I asked the trustees if we could fence in the backyard.  I wanted to keep my greyhound (who was good and loved to run) safely on the inside.  They agreed.  The fence protected that which was good and kept out that which was bad like the skunks.   

If we are dealing with toxic relationships, than we need to learn how to build some good fences, which means setting healthy boundaries.  Now let’s be clear, this does NOT mean we dump all the people in our lives who drive us crazy, but we do need to establish healthy boundaries so those who are toxic don’t bring us down and destroy our health and faith.  We hear this in Psalm 26:4-5.  The psalmist is making it clear that he will not associate with those who are going to bring him down or corrupt his character and he is going to spend time at the altar – or in good places. 

Let’s go back to the situation with Peter trying to control Jesus.  Jesus set a healthy boundary by telling Peter to get behind him, or get out of his way.  At that moment, Jesus effectively put Peter on the outside of the fence where he couldn’t control the situation.  Now Peter doesn’t stay outside the fence, Jesus didn’t dump Peter as a disciple and Peter didn’t walk away, but Peter did learn that he was not the one who was going to control Jesus’ future.  The relationship worked to become healthy again.  When Jesus’ family wanted to take him home and keep him quiet, Jesus set another healthy boundary by keeping his family literally on the outside of the house.  Jesus didn’t go out to speak to them because he knew there was nothing he could say to them that would change their mind and he was not going to give them the chance to change his mind and the direction of his life. 

Sometimes we have to establish healthy boundaries so that the toxic nature of others doesn’t poison our lives.  In one of my previous churches I had a very toxic member who loved to get me into conversations that he knew drove me crazy.  He would call me on the phone, remain eerily calm and criticize everything going on in the church and he knew all the right buttons to push to get me worked up.  I talked to the leaders of the church about it and they said, Andy, don’t you have an answering machine?  I said, Yes.  So they said, then from now on, screen all your calls.  Once I set that boundary and started screening all my calls, that man no longer had the ability to make me crazy.  His toxic nature was no longer making me sick because I was able to contact him on my terms and on my schedule and usually with people around me who could encourage and support me.  It was a healthy boundary for me to set.  It was a good fence.

Setting healthy boundaries with people doesn’t mean we automatically cut them out of our lives, it means we protect ourselves from their toxic words, behaviors and actions.  We can still have a relationship with them.  I was still the pastor for the man who drove me crazy, but it was a much healthier relationship.  But unfortunately there are times when relationships are so toxic and unhealthy that we need to cut them off all together.  This needs to be the last resort and it needs to come after all other options like counseling, prayer, honest conversations and gentle but clear confrontation has taken place, but we need to know that there are times when it is ok to walk away from toxic people.  Jesus did.

While many people followed Jesus, don’t forget that many people didn’t and Jesus left many people behind.  There was a rich man that Jesus said needed to get rid of his wealth if he wanted to follow him.  The rich man didn’t want to do that so the Bible says he went away sad and Jesus let the man go.  In essence, Jesus walked away and at times we might need to walk away from those whose toxic words, behaviors and actions risk brining us down. 

If we come to the conclusion that we need to end a toxic relationship, what we need to do is work to end the relationship with as much grace and peace as possible.  The other person may not be at peace or feel much grace, but we don’t have to hold on to their bitterness and anger – we just have to be at peace ourselves.    If the other person isn’t willing to change in order to make the relationship healthy or respect the boundaries we have established, then they can become that gangrene that slowly spreads to every other part of our lives and every other relationship we have.  In these cases we might need to end the relationship completely in order to remain physically, emotionally and spiritual strong.  While it is the last resort, we need to know that this is absolutely ok. 

We all have toxic relationships that require us to establish healthy boundaries.  We establish these boundaries through prayer, honest conversations with others who can help us and at times walking out of the darkness of a toxic relationship and into the light of Christ.  This week we need to take some time to think about the toxic people in our lives and how we can build some good fences.  We also need to ask ourselves honestly if we are the toxic person who needs help and who needs to change.  If we are, let’s ask God and others to help us so our relationships, all of our relationships, can be strong.    

Next Steps

Soul Detox ~ Toxic Relationships

1.  Think of your most significant relationship at work, in your family and among your friends. 

·         Are there Chronic Complainers? 

·         Constant Controllers?

·         Tantalizing Tempters?

·         Are these people spiritual assets or liabilities? 

2.  What kind of boundaries do you need to establish with those who are toxic in order to protect your life, family, faith and other relationships?

3.  Who are the people who can help you build these good “fences”?

4. What kind of impact do you make on the people in your life? 

·         Are you critical, controlling and a tempter?

·         To whom are you a spiritual asset?

·         To whom are you a spiritual liability?

5.  How can you become less toxic in your relationship with others?  (A good place to start is by examining the words and messages we share with others to see if they are toxic.) 

6.  Dealing with difficult relationships requires prayer.  Pray for wisdom in knowing how to move forward in all your relationships and pray for those who are toxic in your life.