More Aware - Less Oblivious

We certainly do want to wish all the Dads out there a Happy Father’s Day, and I want to be clear that we did not choose the theme for today’s message with you in mind.  This month we are talking about how to improve our relationships because the thing about relationships is that they are important.  We were created for a relationship with God, and we were emotionally wired to be in relationship with one another, so it’s important for those relationships to be as healthy as they can be.  Today we want to talk about how to be more aware and less oblivious and we didn’t choose this for today because we think that Dads are oblivious to the things and people around them, but…  

Dads, have you ever gotten in trouble for not noticing when your wife or children got their hair cut, or were wearing new clothes?  Have you ever come home and not noticed that your family has worked hard to clean the house or clean up the yard?  Have you been oblivious to the family schedule and missed birthdays or anniversaries?  Sometimes we are all oblivious to the details that mean so much to others and it is important to be more aware of what is going on in our homes and with our families.  We need to take the time to notice what is going on in others so that they feel valued and important, but that is not the kind of awareness we want to focus on today.  What we want to look at is the importance of being self-aware.  

We will be better in our relationships with other people, all other people, when we have a better understanding of ourselves.  We have all been created in very unique ways and the more aware we are of how we think, and act, and relate with others, the healthier our relationships will be.  A great example of this are my parents.  My Dad is a classic introvert.  It’s not that he is shy or quiet, but he needs time alone to recharge.  After working as a chaplain in a large hospital all day, he needed to come home and quietly read the paper or watch TV.  

My Mom, on the other hand, is an extrovert.  After a long day of teaching 2nd graders you might think she would want some peace and quiet, but she wanted to be around other people and be engaged in activity.  Instead of staying home in the evenings, my Mom sang in the choir, played bells in the bell choir, served on different committees at the church, and was the secretary for her teachers association and a beach association.  She got recharged by being around others.  

You might think that two people like this just wouldn’t be able to stay together, but my parents have been married for 66 years this past week because they were both aware of who they were and what they needed.  They were also aware of who the other one was and what they needed.  My Dad was fine having my Mom out every evening getting involved in things because he knew she needed that, and my Mom was ok having my Dad stay home because she knew he needed that.  They both were aware of how they were created and what they needed to be healthy, and they knew what the other needed as well.  

Not only is it important to be aware of how we were created and what we need in life and how all of this impacts our relationship with others, we also need to be aware of our own brokenness and sin.  Part of self-awareness is being honest with ourselves when we fail and being willing to confess our sin to God.  Without this kind of self-awareness, sin gets a foothold in our life and leads to greater problems and pain.  We see this happen in the life of King David.  

David was a man chosen by God to be King of Israel and after years of struggle and conflict, David finally was established as the King and began ruling in Jerusalem.  Everything was going well for David until he had an affair with the wife of one of his officers.  Instead of confessing this sin and being honest about his failure, David tried to cover it up.  When several attempts to hide his sin failed, David had the woman’s husband killed and took Bathsheba as his wife.  David’s lack of self awareness, his lack of honesty about his failures and his inability to see and confess his sin, led to greater problems.  Adultery led to murder.  

To help David open his eyes and be aware of all that was going on in his life, God sent the prophet Nathan to speak to David.  Nathan told David this story:  2 Samuel 11:1b-9a

There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

“Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”

David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.”

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own.

Being aware of our sin and failures so we can confess them to God and rise above them is so important that God sent Nathan to open David’s eyes.  When David became aware of his failures, he repented of his sin and gave us one of the most powerful psalms we have, Psalm 51.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.  For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.  Psalm 51:1-3

David was only able to ask God for mercy and forgiveness because he became aware of his sin and failures.  We will never get to the place of asking God for his mercy and forgiveness until we are also able to acknowledge our sin.  To be able to see and confess our sin takes self-awareness.  We need to look honestly at our lives and own up to our weaknesses and failures so we can turn and ask God for the mercy and strength needed to help us overcome them.  

I invite you this week to read those first few verses of Psalm 51 and ask God to open your eyes and the eyes of your heart.  May we become aware of our transgressions and sin so that we can confess them to God and ask for His mercy to wash us clean and make us new.  Being made new not only puts us in a right relationship with God, but it restores so many of our relationships with others.  This forgiveness and new life is the amazing gift we have in Jesus when we are willing to ask God for his mercy and grace.  

While being more aware of our brokenness and sin is vital to our lives and relationships, so is being more aware of our gifts and strengths.  I am a firm believer that we need to build on our strengths and not just focus on our weaknesses.  One way we can be more aware of our strengths and all the ways we live in relationship with God and others is to evaluate our faith.  

Several years ago we began to talk about how our faith needs to be lived out in three primary relationships, a relationship with God, the church, and the world.  These three relationships are what we see in Jesus.  Jesus had a deep and abiding relationship with God, He formed a strong relationship with His followers, the church, and Jesus reached out to bless all those around Him in the world.  For us to think about living more like Jesus, these are the 3 relationships we need to focus on.  

One way we can be more aware of who we are in these 3 primary relationships is to take the spiritual health assessment.  You can find a link to this assessment in the next steps and even if you have taken it before, I encourage you to take it again because it is a great way to help us be more aware of who we are today.  What are the strengths that we can build on?  What rhythms are fueling our relationship with God and others?  How can we expand on these rhythms?  Where might we want to grow?  

Each of the 3 relationships expands into 5 rhythms that are vital to our faith and the spiritual assessment helps us understand which rhythms we are doing well in and where we might want to focus some attention.  Whether we choose to build on our strengths or grow in our areas of weakness, being aware of what is going on in our relationships is the first step.  Let me show you how this works.  

A few years ago I took the assessment and in my relationship with the church, this is what it looked like:  

1. Service 20/20

2. Community 18/20

3. Family 18/20

4. Accountability 13/20

5. Generosity 13/20

The numbers aren’t important, it’s the ranking of the rhythms we want to look at.  Service is one of the primary rhythms of my relationship with people in the church which makes sense.  Since I am a pastor, much of my time and energy is focused on serving in the body of Christ.  I then looked at the lowest two rhythms, accountability and generosity, and reflected on what this meant for me.  

Accountability.  One of the questions they ask us to reflect on is: Do I earnestly and honestly seek feedback in different areas of my life?  To be honest, no, I don’t.  Who really wants to hear that? Who wants to be accountable to others?  But like King David, would it be good for me to get that kind of feedback so I can be more aware of those blind spots in my life?  Yes.  More accountability would be good.

I then looked at one of the reflection questions for generosity.  Do I intentionally live below my financial means so I can give more to God?   While I see myself as a faithful and cheerful giver, I had to ask myself if I really look to live below my means so I can bless others.  As I honestly thought through both of these questions, there were moments of self-awareness that have moved me to consider how to be more faithful to God and others in my life.  

The 3 Relationships assessment and the information we can get on the important rhythms of our life is a great way to become more aware of who we are, how God has created us and shaped us, and how we can be more faithful in all of our relationships.  I would invite you to take the assessment this week, or take it again, and reflect on the rhythms of your life and faith.  The more aware we are of what is going on in our lives, the healthier all of our relationships will be.  

While the 3 Relationships is a great place to start, there are many great resources out there to help us be more aware of who we are.  There are personality tests you can take online like Meyers Briggs and the enneagram which can help us be more aware of how we interact with others.  There is also a great book called the 5 Love Languages which might help you be more aware of how you look to give and receive love in your marriage.  There is an online assessment you can take for this and you can find links to all this material in the next steps.  

Later this year we are also going to provide an opportunity for you to discover your spiritual gifts.  The Bible tells us that when we ask the Holy Spirit to enter our hearts and lives, the Spirit brings unique gifts to each of us.  

Romans 12:6-8 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

These are just some of the spiritual gifts the Bible talks about and the more aware we become of the specific gifts God has given to us, the more we can use them to serve God and build up others in the church.  Once again, the more aware we are of how God has created us and how the Holy Spirit has gifted us, the stronger all of our relationships will be.  

We really will be stronger in our relationship with God, our family, the church, our friends, neighbors, and coworkers when we are more aware of who we are and how we live.  We need to be aware of our failures and sin and confess those to God so they don’t become stumbling blocks in other areas of our life, but we need to be aware of our strengths, and gifts, and the rhythms of our life and faith so we can use these to their full advantage and be all that God has called us and created us to be.  The more self aware we are, the stronger all our relationships will be.  And the thing about relationships is that they are important, they are vital to our lives and faith.  

 

Next Steps

More Aware - Less Oblivious

When have you been oblivious or blind to changes that were made around you?  Why did you not notice?  

Self-awareness: we will be better with others when we have a better understanding of ourselves, both our sins and our strengths.

Read 2 Samuel 11:1-12:15

● How did David’s lack of awareness about his sin lead to more problems?  

● Why is it important for us to be aware of our sin and confess it to God?

● What blind spot do you have in your life when it comes to failures, weakness, and sin?  

● Where would some “self-awareness” help strengthen your relationship with others?  

Read Psalm 51 and ask God to help become more aware of your own sin and brokenness.  Confess this sin to God.  

To help you become more aware of how God has created you and gifted you, and how you are living in relationship with God, the church, and the world, check out these resources.  

3 Relationships:

5 Love Languages:  

Meyers Briggs: 

The Enneagram:

More Present - Less Distant

During the month of June we celebrate a lot of people.  This week we celebrated many young adults as they graduated from High School, and in a few weeks we will celebrate our Dad’s on Father’s Day.  June is also a month when we celebrate a lot of couples because June used to be THE month to get married.  My parents were married in June 66 years ago and for anyone who has been married more than 60 years, or even 6 years, you know there is a lot of work that goes into relationships.  This month we are going to look at how to strengthen relationships in our families, at work, among our friends, as well as in the church and our community by looking at how God is in relationship with us.  The thing about relationships is that they are vital to our well-being.  Relationships are fundamental to who we are because we were created for relationships.   

In the creation story it says that we were created in God’s image and if we think about God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we see that at God’s core there is a relationship, and so to be created in God’s image means that at our core, we were created for relationships.  First and foremost we were created to be in a relationship with God.  God created us to walk in the garden with Him and to share in all the fullness and joy of life with Him, but we were also created to live in relationship with other people.  

Again, in the creation story, after God created Adam, He looked at him and said, it’s not good for man to be alone, so God created a partner for Adam.  We were created for love and companionship.  We were created for family and community.  We were created for relationships and this is true for everyone.  Whether you are married, have never been married, are divorced or widowed, young or old, each of us need healthy relationships with other people to experience the fullness and joy of life, so let’s look at how to strengthen these relationships.  

If 2020 has taught us anything, it is that the most powerful and important part of any relationship is to be present with others.  While zoom and facetime and phone calls are good, and we have learned to livestream everything from weddings to funerals to birthday parties, nothing can replace the power of in-person relationships.  Not only do we need to be held and hugged for our physical and emotional well-being, actually, we need that physical touch to survive, we also learn so much about others through facial expressions and body language.  All of our relationships will be stronger if we will be fully present with others, and we see the importance and power of presence when we look at God’s relationship with us.    

All through history God has been present with His people.  God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden.  God was present when He spoke to Abraham and called him to leave his home and walk with Him into a new land.  When God led the people of Israel out of slavery in Egypt and into that Promised Land, God was with them.  God used a pillar of fire at night and a cloud by day to not only guide the people but to be a physical reminder that God was with them.  One of the promises that God makes over and over again in scripture is that He will always be with us.   

Psalm 139:7-12 says, 

Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?  If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.  If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast.  If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.

God is always with us.  There is no place we can go where God does not go with us.  God is present with us at all times and in all places, and even if we don’t feel God close by, or experience His presence, God is there.  As we look at the different ways God has been present with his people, we see God with us in 3 distinct ways:  God over us, God with us, and God in us.  

God over us is the God we see in the creation story.  This is God the Father who not only created the world but then watched over the world to protect it and provide for it.  God over us is the God who saw His people hungry so He gave them food.  He saw them thirsty so brought forth water from a rock.  God over us is the God who fought for His people in battles but also settled them into the Promised Land.  God is over us as a father and mother are over their children, God is there to provide for us and protect us, but for God, just being over His children was not enough.  God wanted a deeper and more personal relationship so He came to be with us.  

God with us is what we celebrate in jesus.  In Matthew 1:23, Joseph was told that Mary was going to give birth to the son of God and His name was to be Emmanuel, which means God is with us.  God was no longer going to simply watch over His children and provide for them, God was now going to actually come in human form and walk with them.  In Jesus, God walked with people, and all of the relationships that Jesus had with people were defined by a love that wasn't expressed in words alone but in service and sacrifice.  

Jesus never kept his distance from people but was willing to literally be present with them.  Children had little to no status in Jesus’ day and no one spent time with them, but Jesus called them to come and sit with Him.  Jesus went to the places where the sinners and outcasts lived to show His love for them.  In face to face conversations, Jesus forgave people and called them to a better life.  Jesus loved people in ways that gave their life new meaning and it was His touch that helped the lame to walk and the blind to see.  Jesus served the people of His day and His love gave them new life, but then Jesus sacrificed Himself for all people by taking the sin of the world to the cross.  

In Jesus, God not only walked with us but God took upon Himself the penalty and consequence of our sin so that we could be forgiven.  It’s that forgiveness that not only set us into a right relationship with God, but it helps strengthen our relationships with one another.  God’s presence with us in Jesus changed our lives and it changed our relationship with God and others forever.  

When God’s presence over us wasn’t enough, God came to be with us.  God’s presence with us changed everything, but there was still more to come, God in us.  Before Jesus ascended into heaven, He said,   I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.  John 14:16-17

Did you hear that?  God doesn’t just live with us but IN us and God dwells in us through the gift of the Holy Spirit.  Now I’ll be honest, most of the time I don’t feel like the God who created the world and raised Jesus from the dead is at work in me, but God is.  When I find the strength to do more than I ever thought I could, that’s the power of God in me.  When I find comfort in times of deep pain or loss - that is God at work in me.  When I feel convicted to stand up for what is right against all odds - that is God in me.  And when I feel convicted of my own sin to the point of brokenness and tears and then confess that sin to God - that is also God in me.  God is at work in us to do all that needs to be done so that we can be all God wants us to be.   

God’s presence is over us and it is with us and it is in us and this is a model of how we can be present with others.  At times we need to be present to watch over and care for others.  Young children, older parents, and those who are the most vulnerable in our community need us to watch over them and care for them.  And let’s be honest, there are times we need others to watch over and care for us. 

 We also need to be present with people and literally walk with others in service and maybe even sacrifice.  Children and youth need the physical presence of parents, which is why the foster parent program is so important.  When biological parents aren’t there or can’t be there, we need to walk with children and love them.  But it’s not just children, it’s all of us, we need the presence of others in our lives if we are going to be healthy and whole.  Studies continue to show that social isolation leads to physical and emotional decline and again 2020 has shown us that we really do need and want others present with us.    

We need to be present over others and with others, but what about in others.  OK, there is no way someone can be physically present in us, but there are other ways their presence can be an ongoing part of our lives.  Have you ever had a coach, teacher, or youth leader who inspired you growing up and you can still hear their words of encouragement?  Maybe you had a parent or grandparent that you could always count on and you can still hear their voice?  These were the people who told you that you could do more than you thought you could.  They were the ones who said, I believe in you and that voice still motivates you.  I had youth leaders in my church who believed in me and they were the ones who told me I was a leader who needed to stand firm when I wanted to run away.  I still hear their voices at times and it encourages me, it literally it gives me courage, to keep going.  They live in me and their love and support is still at work in me.  

It might seem odd, but I often use part of 1 Corinthians 13 at funerals.  While we typically think of the Love Chapter being read at weddings, there are a few verses that need to be heard when someone we love dies.  It says, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.  When love has been present in our lives in powerful ways, it doesn’t end, it remains in us.  It’s the voice we hear, the encouragement we need, and the comfort that heals.  The love of others is their presence in us that never ends.  

Again, God’s presence with us can be a model for all of our relationships.  We can be present and watch over others.  We can be present with people and walk with them in love.  We can be present in people by making sure our words and love will empower them not only today but in all the days to come, but being present in any and all of these ways means more than simply being in the same room with them, it means being available and intentional.  

Just as 2020 taught us the power of being present with others, it has also given us lots of opportunities to learn how to be present without really being present.  If you have used zoom, or any other virtual platform for a meeting, then you know what I’m talking about.  We can be present in a meeting but with our microphone off, we don’t have to be listening at all, in fact we can be doing 100 other things at the same time.  We have learned how to look like we are present without being present at all.  And you have all probably been at a family gathering where at some point you looked around and saw everyone either watching TV or looking at their phones and tablets.  We are in the same space with others but we are not fully present.  

Last week, Justin talked about how much attention we give to others when we are dating.  We not only spend a lot of time getting ready for a date but when we are together we actually listen to what is being said.  A recent study found that couples who are engaged spend about 15 hours a week talking.  They make it a priority.  They are not only learning about each other but they are sharing their hopes and dreams.  They make plans together, they set goals together, and they work on their relationship together.   Any idea how much time married couples spend talking to one another?  2 hours a week.  You can’t be fully present with others in 2 hours a week.  We need to be more available and intentional if our relationships are going to be healthy.  

So it’s time we look to God and learn how to be more present and less distant so that all of our relationships can be stronger.  Let me give you 3 quick suggestions on how to be more present and less distant in your marriage, with your family, and even among your friends.  

1. Every day have one meal together without screens.  No TV, no phones, no tablets.  Just face to face conversation. 

2. Every week spend one evening with no netflix, no sports, and no TV.  Instead, engage in an activity together like a game, or a walk, or making s’mores at the fire pit.  Spend time laughing, sharing, and talking to one another. 

3. Every month set aside one day to do something together (and going to a movie doesn’t count, a movie is just a giant screen that you look at together).  Serve together, help a neighbor together, take a hike, go on a picnic, but do something together. 

God did not create the world and then remove Himself from it, God is not distant from His children but present with us.  God’s presence with us is a model for how we should be in relationship with others.  When we are fully present with others, those relationships will be stronger and healthier.  

 

Next Steps

More Present - Less Distant

How did the covid shutdowns and limitations of 2020 impact your relationship with others?  How did virtual meeting platforms like zoom help or hurt your ability to be present?  

God has promised to be present with us: Deuteronomy 31:6, Joshua 1:9, Psalm 23:4, Psalm 139, Isaiah 41:10, Zephaniah 3:17. Matthew 1:23 & 28:20, John 14:16-17, Romans 8:38-39, I Corinthians 3:16

Through history God has been present in 3 main ways

● To watch over us

● To walk with us

● To live in us 

How have you experienced God’s presence in these ways?  Where would you like to experience more of God’s presence?  

God’s presence with us is a model for how we can be present with others.  How can you be present:

● To watch over others (to provide and protect them)

● To walk with others (to serve and sacrifice for them)

● To live in others (to encourage)

How has the presence of others helped you in these ways?  

Which relationship in your life needs the healing touch of God’s presence and the focus of your presence?  

3 Ways to be more present

1. Daily - Commit to one meal with NO SCREENS

2. Weekly - Set aside one evening with NO SCREENS

3. Month - schedule one day for a “day date”.  Engage in an activity together with family or friends that encourages personal interaction.