More Than Enough - Love Gives

 We are entering a season of the year where we begin to focus on giving thanks and giving gifts.  Because of this, it’s a great time to reset our priorities and remember that it is always more blessed to GIVE than to RECEIVE.  We often say this, but do we believe it?  I mean, do we believe it to the point where we have ordered our life according to this principle?  Do we prioritize giving?  Do we look for ways to give our time, energy, faith, and money.  

While we know it’s better to give than receive, we also know it’s pretty nice to receive.  We enjoy getting gifts and having people care for us and provide for us.  It's a nice feeling, but we tell ourselves that it is better and more blessed to give, but why?  Have you ever stopped and asked why it is more blessed to give?  Is it just that the good feeling we get when we give is better than the good feeling we get when we receive, or is there something more.  

One reason we might believe this principle and strive to follow it is because Jesus said it.  In  the book of Acts, Paul quotes Jesus by saying, we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  Acts 20:35

That alone should be reason enough for us to follow this teaching and trust that the blessing of giving is better than the blessing of receiving, but beyond the words of Jesus and the truth He brings, there is a more compelling reason why it is more blessed to give.  When we give, we embody and reflect the heart of God and what could be better than being a reflection of God and His love.    

In John 3:16 it says, God so LOVED the world that He GAVE.  So God, who the Bible tells us is love, loved the world, and because He loved, He gave.  And when God gave, He didn’t just give a little, He gave a lot.  In fact, God gave all He had.  God gave His one and only son.  So God, who is love, gives, which means that love gives.  So if we want to love God and love others, we have to GIVE.  In fact, if we don’t give, we don’t love.  

The disciple John, who Pastor David pointed out a few weeks ago always called himself the beloved disciple, not because he thought Jesus loved Him more than the others but because John just knew how much Jesus loved him, said,  

If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.  1 John 3:17-18

So the love of God is not in us, it is not part of us, it is not reflected in u0,s if we do not give.  When we do give, the love of God is not only in us but we reflect that love to the world.  But to be truly blessed when we give, we need to give like God did, that means we don’t just give a little, or grudgingly, or by force, we give joyfully, freely, generously and sacrificially.  

My guess is that many of us do give this way.  I saw that huge pile of shoeboxes almost disappear last week and I watched families walk out with multiple boxes.  I have seen the offerings pour in for Western North Carolina and know that we aren’t done giving to support the rebuilding of people’s lives in that region.  I know we want to give and give all the ways God does, but I also know it can be a struggle for us to think about this kind of giving and then to actually give.  

Too often we think that our struggle to give is a problem of resources.  We don’t have enough time to serve in more ways and help others.  We don’t have the money to give more because we’re already behind on our bills.  We think we have a resource issue, but it’s not a money problem, it’s a mindset problem.  We are living with a mindset of scarcity instead of abundance. 

As we talk about the blessing of giving, let’s look at an amazing example of what giving looks like when we give like God.  The example comes from a group of churches we hear about in the New Testament.  

In Paul’s letter to the church in Corinth, he wanted to encourage the people to give so he talked about the giving he saw from a group of churches in Macedonia.  These churches were in Philippi and Thessalonica and they were not wealthy.  Paul says that out of their poverty, they begged him to let them give to those  in need.  

And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.  For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the Lord’s people. And they exceeded our expectations: They gave themselves first of all to the Lord, and then by the will of God also to us.  2 Corinthians 8:1-5

We aren’t told why the people of Macedonia faced extreme poverty, many scholars think that the political instability they faced over time, and being ruled and governed by several different nations, kept them from building any kind of wealth.  But their poverty didn’t keep them from giving and giving generously.  Look at how Paul described their giving.  

Rich generosity, they gave beyond their ability.  They gave freely, urgently pleading with Paul to let them give.  They exceeded Paul’s expectations.  They gave first to God and then to Paul and the people.  What was it that moved them to give this way?  They didn’t have a surplus of money, so it wasn’t a money issue, they gave because they were of the mind to give and they knew they had more than enough to give.  They didn’t approach this situation, or life in general, from a mindset of scarcity, but a mindset  of abundance.  With God they knew they had more than enough to give and give generously.  

In the Bible we find two different mindsets that can determine how we give.  The first one is a BAG mindset. We hear about this from the  prophet Haggai who said to God’s people: 

You have planted much, but harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a BAG with holes in it.

Does this sound familiar?  You work hard but never seem to get ahead.  You think you have to get another job to pay off your bills or to be able to finance the new car you know you need.  Too often this is how we look at our life.  We just don’t have enough.  What we have doesn’t meet our needs  We are putting our money in a bag that has a hole in it because we never have enough.  With this mindset, we will never give, and we will never give generously.  

The problem with this mindset is that we think it is a money issue so we tell ourselves, when I have more money, I’ll give.  The problem is that when we have more money, we still won’t give because we still won’t think we have enough.  Money doesn’t make us more generous, money will just magnify what is already in our heart.  

Studies show that the more money people have, the less they often give. The total dollar amount they give might be more, but the percentage of their income that they give is often less.  While we tell ourselves we will give more when we get more, when we get more, we never end up giving more.  Giving and generosity is never a financial issue, it is a faith issue. If we aren’t faithful and generous now, more money will not make us faithful and generous.  

A Bag mindset puts us into a cycle that looks like this:

God provides

We spend what we get and if we get more we spend more

We don’t have enough

We live in fear, always asking God to provide more.

The second mindset we hear about in the Bible is a BARN mindset and there are few places we hear about it:  

Proverbs 3:9-10.  Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your BARNS will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.  

What changes a bag mindset to a barn mindset is the act of giving.  Instead of consuming what God gives us first, and then feeling like we don’t have enough, we give to God first which activates our faith, which tells us we have more than enough to not only give and give generously but to care for all our needs as well.  The act of giving also reflects the heart of God because God so loved the world that He gave.  

The Bible also tells us that when we give to God first, God will bless us and we will never run out of what we need.  In other words, our barns will be blessed and always full.  God makes this promise to us through the prophet Malachi.

Bring the whole tithe into the BARN, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the Lord Almighty .Malachi 3:10-11

This is the only passage in scripture where God says that it is ok to test Him.  God wants us to give so that He can give back to us.  The way that God has ordered His world is that when we give first and faithfully, God will give to us.  We will be blessed.  In fact, God wants to bless us so much that He is almost begging us here to give.  Test me, he says, try me, see if I’m being honest with you..  I will open the floodgates of heaven and pour out a blessing on you that you won’t be able to contain if you will just give me the tithe.  

It’s more blessed to give because giving reflects the heart of God, and it opens up the floodgates of heaven so God can keep giving to us.  

So let’s talk about the tithe for a moment.  Some Christians don’t like the idea of a tithe because it seems to be tied to the Old Testament law and in Christ we are free from law and live by faith.  I agree, we are definitely saved by grace through faith alone, but the idea or principle of a tithe actually predates the law.

A tithe is simply an offering or gift of 10%.  That’s actually what the word means, one tenth.  We first hear about a tithe when the King of Salem, which was located in the area that today is Jerusalem, went out and blessed Abraham.  Abraham was so thankful for this blessing that he gave the King, Melchizedek, a tenth of everything he had.   In time, giving God a tithe as an offering was set up and different tithes were built into the law.

While we are set from the law and aren’t under any compulsion to give a tithe, we might want to consider it as a measure of our giving because Jesus not only talked about the tithe but he encouraged people to give it.  

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.  Matthew 23:23

Jesus was being critical of the religious leaders who were giving the tithe exactly as they were told to, but then they weren’t being generous in other ways.  They were giving the tithe but then not being generous and caring for those in need around them.  Jesus said, you need to be merciful AND give the tithe.  So Jesus doesn’t wipe out the tithe, He honors it.  So while we aren't under any compulsion to give a tithe, we might want to use it as a Biblical principle that can help us keep a faithful mindset.

The other thing I would say about the tithe is that it is just the beginning of giving, not the end.  Maybe it needs to be a goal you work towards, but if you ever get to a place where 10% goes to God, don’t stop there - keep going. I would say the tithe is where we start giving but the example of giving we have from God is that He gave ALL.  God so loved that He gave His one and only Son so our giving needs to be generous and sacrificial.  

Whether giving is 10%, less than 10% or more than 10% isn’t as important as just giving.  The only thing that breaks the cycle of a BAG mindset is to give, so  find a way to give now.  Don’t wait until you have more money, don’t wait until the end of the year and see what surplus you have, don’t wait until you make out your Christmas shopping lists and see what you have left over.  The longer we wait, the harder it will be to give.  And if we think more money will help us give, it won’t.  It’s faith that helps us give and when we give, God is thrilled and gives us more.   God may not give more money, God may give us those things that money can’t buy.  

The blessing that comes when we give might be better mental health and improved relationships.  If you give as a couple, God might bless your marriage.  If you talk about giving as a family and different ways you can give together, God might bless your family in ways you never thought possible.  As you give, God might show up and show off in your life in ways that will increase your faith.  When God says He will open the floodgates of heaven and pour out  so much blessing that you won’t have room enough to store them, the blessing might be those things that money can’t buy.  

Giving is what breaks the bag mindset and starts a new mindset where God provides – we give –God multiples and we have more than enough – and this leads to a stronger faith.  Why is it more blessed to give?  Because giving not only reflects the love of God but it leads to us having more of what God wants us to have AND a stronger faith.  

Learning to give might require us to sit down and reprioritize our entire lives so that God is first, and loving others is first.   Isn’t that actually the point?  

Aren’t we supposed to put God first in all things?  Doesn’t the Bible say to love the Lord your God with ALL your heart and soul and mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself?  If we are going to love with all we have, we have to also give with all we have because love gives.  

Let me close with some final words of Paul to the church in Corinth.  He was trying to encourage them to give so that they could experience the blessing of God. 

Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  

2 Corinthians 9:6-8

We are blessed when we give.  We are blessed abundantly when we give.  It is more blessed to give.  

 

Next Steps November 20, 2024

More Blessed

What memorable gift have you received?  Given?

How did giving and receiving make you feel?  

Which felt better?  Why?

Why is it more blessed to give?  See John 3:16.

There are two mindsets when it comes to giving:

Summarize each mindset  

The BAG - see Haggai 1:6

1. _______________________________________

2. _______________________________________

3. _______________________________________

4. _______________________________________

The BARN - see Proverbs 3:9-10 and Malachi 3:10-11

1. _______________________________________

2. _______________________________________

3. _______________________________________

4. _______________________________________

Which mindset do you find yourself in today?

Giving is what breaks the cycle of the bag mindset.  

How and where can you give now?  

How can you give not only money but time, faith, and love?

Find one new way to give in this Thanksgiving and Christmas season.   

Read what Paul says about the Macedonians’ giving.  

2 Corinthians 8:1-5.  

Is your desire to give as strong as theirs?  

What step can you take today to begin to develop this kind of passion and commitment to giving?  

For further study:  

Consider the principle of tithing.  

See Genesis 14:19-20, Malachi 3:10-11, Matthew 23:23.

Why might tithing be a good principle to follow?

What benefits are there to tithing?

Do you think tithing is the beginning of giving or the end goal of giving?  

Why don't I feel God's presence?

I know the Lord is always with me.  I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.  No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.  My body rests in safety…  You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.  Psalm 16:8-9, 11

How many of you can say that you have experienced the Lord with you, right beside you?  How many of you have experienced God’s presence in some real way at some point in your life?  Maybe it was a physical feeling that resonated through your body because you knew God was there.  Maybe you got emotional in worship and found yourself crying, or so overcome by emotion you raised your hands in the air.  Maybe it was a profound sense of peace when your life was completely out of control, or a sense of God’s direction that moved you forward when for months, or years, you had been feeling stuck.  

How many of you have felt the presence of God here today?  It’s ok if you haven’t, I’m not sure I have either.  I’ll be honest, there are many weeks that I have gone through not 1 but 2 services of worship and not experienced the presence of God in some real way.  I trust God has been there, but I can’t say that I felt it.  There have been seasons of my life that I have not felt God’s presence, so if you haven’t felt God here today, or maybe ever, you aren’t alone.  In fact, we are all in good company

David, who wrote Psalm 16 and experienced God so powerfully at times, was also the one who wrote, How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me? Psalm 13:1  At times David didn’t feel God’s presence and wondered if God was even there.  

Paul, the man who experienced the miraculous power of God when prison doors opened and chains fell away, was the same man who toiled away as a tentmaker for 14 years before God moved in his life.  

And we can’t forget about Jesus.  The one who walked with God daily, the one who was actually God in the flesh, asked God why He wasn’t there for Him when He needed Him the most.  My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  

Today we are going to finish our series, ever wonder why; by asking, why don’t we feel God’s presence?  Is it our fault?  Are we doing something wrong in how we approach God in worship or in life?  Is it God’s fault?  Does God not want to reveal His presence to us for some reason?  Is it the church’s fault because we didn’t pick the right music for you today?  Were our prayers not filled with enough passion or focused on the right things?  Why don’t we always feel the presence of God?  While I can’t give you all the answers to that question, let me provide a few answers that we can reflect on.

1. We are over-sensationalizing God’s presence.  

Too many times we think that to experience God’s presence means feeling something physical or emotional or supernatural.  Too many people think that unless they have some kind of tangible sign or physical feeling, God is not with them.  The same was true in Jesus’ day.  The people then were also looking for a sign, some kind of miracle or physical experience, to let them know that Jesus was the Son of God.  Wanting this kind of affirmation is nothing new and I’ll confess, I have wanted it at times, and at times, I still do.

At a point in my life when I was really aimless, I asked God to send me a postcard in the mail telling me what I needed to do.  I thought, God can figure out how to send me something through the mail, but I never got that postcard, letter or package.  I can also tell you that when I was commissioned and ordained and had Bishops of the church place their hands on me and pray for me, I didn’t feel God’s presence.  I have served communion over 500 times in my life and I can’t remember any specific time when the power of God showed up in some supernatural way.  

I can remember the time I served the juice before the bread and really confused the congregation, and the time that half the trays didn’t have juice, and the ushers looked at me confused while  the ladies who filled the juice turned all red as they sat in the choir loft.  And I remember the time I showed up on Sunday and there were no elements at all so I ran to Sheetz because it was all that was open and bought the only thing that was red or purple.  It was a cranberry/grape drink infused with ginseng, and it didn’t taste at all like grape juice.  I’m not sure those were signs of God’s presence, but they make great stories.  While we are always looking for and wanting a sign, they don’t always come and for good reason: if we always felt God, we wouldn’t need faith.  

If every moment of life, and every second of our time in worship was filled with a tangible, physical, and supernatural feeling of God’s presence, we wouldn’t need faith.  Faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things unseen, and unfelt.  Faith is knowing that God is with us because God has said He will be with us whether we feel God’s presence or not.  Let me also say that because we don’t experience God in profound ways all the time, it makes the moments we do experience God that much more powerful and precious.  

While I didn’t feel the presence of God at my commissioning or ordination,  I have experienced God’s presence in real, physical and spiritual ways many times in life.  One of the most recent ones was on my trip to Israel.  While seeing the things that Jesus would have seen, and walking in the places Jesus walked was inspiring, there was one clear moment when I felt the presence of God.  We were at the Wailing Wall at night.  The Wailing Wall is located on the site of the ancient Temple, and some say that the wall is in the exact location of the back wall of the Holy of Holies.     

As I approached the wall, I was overwhelmed with awe, but when I put my hands on the wall there was a jolt that went through my body like electricity.  My entire body trembled for what seemed like minutes as I stood there in the presence of God.  I had never had an experience like it before or since.  It was overwhelming to think that I was standing in the presence of God.  

The next day we again visited the wall and I did the exact same thing.  I approached the wall the same way and placed my hands on the wall and felt… nothing.  No jolts, no electricity, no trembling.  I have to say I was a little disappointed, but the reality was that God was still there and God was teaching me to walk by faith and not by sight.  I need to walk with assurance that God is there and not always looking for a sign or a feeling that comes with God’s presence.  

Just because we don’t feel God or experience physically, emotionally or spiritually, doesn’t mean that God is not with us.  God is always with us because God has promised to always be with us and our feelings don’t determine God’s presence.  Like David we can say, I will not be shaken because God is with me because of our faith and not because of our feelings.  .  

2. Our hearts have become hard and closed to the things of God.   Jesus said,  

You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.  For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes.  Matthew 13:14-15

It doesn’t take much for our hearts to get calloused and hard.  If we have been hurt by someone and have decided we aren’t going to allow anyone to love or care for us again, our hearts will grow hard and we will push God away along with people.  Lingering doubts and fears can cause our hearts to grow hard.  Walking away from God’s word and prayer and worship can cause our hearts to grow hard.  But the #1 cause of a hard heart is ongoing and unconfessed sin.  

When we know there is sin in our life and we are choosing to ignore it, or tell ourselves that it’s not that bad, or that it’s not as bad as what others are doing, it hardens our hearts and freezes God out.  

Pastor Craig Groeschel uses an analogy to talk about how sin can harden our hearts to God’s presence that might be helpful  He says, if it is cold outside, you bundle up with long underwear, a long sleeve shirt, sweater and fleece lined jeans, and then you put on your snow suit, hat, gloves, and scarf .  You put on so many layers that you end up looking like Ralphie’s brother Randy in the movie “A Christmas Story”.  Not only can’t you put your arms down, but you can’t feel the cold.  The reality is that you don’t feel anything.

If we are covered in sin, sin we know is not good for us, and then on top of that sin we layer pride or indifference or apathy, we aren’t going to feel God.  If we aren’t feeling God’s presence, we might want to reflect on our lives and ask God to show us where we might need to confess and repent of some sin.  Has jealousy taken hold of our heart?  Do we struggle with pride or anger or lust?  Have we grown comfortable holding on to bitterness and not forgiving someone who has hurt us?  Any of these things can cause our heart to grow cold and keep us from feeling God’s presence.

3, Maybe God is trying to draw us closer.  

I don’t think God hides from us so that we will seek Him. God doesn’t play these kinds of childish games, but God does want us to seek Him, and He says that when we seek Him with all our heart, we will find Him and when we find Him , we will experience Him in a variety of ways.  

After the people of Israel had seen their nation defeated, God’s Temple torn down, and then been forced to live in exile in a foreign land, they wondered if God was still with them.  They didn’t see God and they didn’t feel God’s presence.  It was during this season of their lives, however, when God told them, I am still with you.  

I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”  Jeremiah 29:11-14

When we seek God with all our heart, we will find Him.  Not only will we find God, but we will begin to see God’s purpose and plan for us.  When we seek God, we will find Him and feel Him moving us back into a relationship with Him where we will hear, know, and feel His presence more personally.  It was Israel’s experience in exile that made them truly long for God and turn to seek Him more intentionally.  While God doesn’t cause dark times in our lives, when they come, it is an opportunity for us to seek the Lord. 

If you aren’t feeling God’s presence today, it’s an opportunity for you to seek the Lord.  It’s an opportunity to return to God’s word, and worship, and prayer, with the expectation that God will speak and move.  It’s an opportunity to examine your hearts and confess your sin and return to walking with Jesus in faithfulness and integrity.  It’s a moment for us to open ourselves up and ask God to help us hear Him, see Him, and most importantly of all, know that He is with us.   

Just because we don’t feel God’s presence doesn’t mean that God is absent.  We can’t trust our emotions to tell us God is with us, we have to walk by faith.  We also need to look for God in the ordinary moments of life and not always the spiritual or what we think of as holy moments.  While I felt the presence of God at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, I have also experienced God’s presence in Bible study when a passage spoke to my situation, or a fresh meaning opened up.  

I have experienced God’s presence when the right song came on the radio at the right time for what I am going through.  I have felt the presence of God through a well-timed card, note or word from a friend.  God longs to meet us in the ordinary moments of life and to tell us in those ordinary moments that He is there, He is here.

This month we have an opportunity to help a child experience the presence of God.  Through Operation Christmas Child, a box is given to a child and there are so many stories of boxes being given to children who got exactly what they needed because God put that box in their life.  The box also lets a child know they are seen and loved by God and God’s people.  For a child who has never gotten a gift, the gift of a  shoebox might be the sign to them that God is with them and always will be.  It might be the experience that helps them build a faith of trusting that God is with them whether they can feel Him or not.  We can help give this amazing gift to a child who is asking, why don’t I feel God with me.  

Let me finish with this.  For many people, this is going to be a stressful and anxious week.  We might not see God in the world around us or feel His presence in all the chaos of the elections.  Depending on the outcome, you might think that God did not answer your prayers, and you might be worried about the stability and unity of our nation and if God is still with us.  We all need to remember that just because we may not see or feel God’s presence this week doesn’t mean that God is not present.  God is right here.  Just when we think God is NOWHERE, we find out that God is actually NOW HERE, and He has been here all along.  

So with David we can say, I know the Lord is always with me.  I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.  Psalm 16:8

Next Steps

Why don’t I feel God’s presence?

Think of a time when you experienced the presence of God.  

● What was going on in your life?  

● Was it during a time of worship? A holy moment or an ordinary moment? 

● Why do you think He made Himself known to you in that moment?

Has there been a time, or season, when you did not feel the presence of God?  

● How long did that season last?  

● What was it like to feel far from God?  

● Are you still in that season today?

3 reasons we might not be experiencing God’s presence:

1. We are over-sensationalizing God’s presence.  

● Why do we think God’s presence should always come with a tangible feeling or a miraculous experience?  

● What kind of sign or feeling do you most often look for?  Why?  

If we always felt God’s presence, we wouldn't need faith.  

● What does it mean to walk by faith and not by sight?  

● How have you learned to do this during your life?  

2. Our hearts have become hard.

Read Matthew 13:14-15.

Reflect on what may be causing your heart to be hard.

● Have you been hurt by others so you have closed yourself to any kind of love or relationship?

● Is there unconfessed sin in your life?

● Are you too focused on your performance as a follower of Jesus rather than the reality of God’s presence?  

3. God wants to draw us closer to Him.

Read Jeremiah 29:13-14.  Who was God speaking to in this passage and where were they living?  

● How have difficult times caused you to more intentionally seek God’s presence?  

● How have difficult times drawn you closer to God even if you didn’t “feel” God’s presence.  

● How can you seek God this week with all your heart?

Consider taking part in this year’s Operation Christmas Child to help children around the world experience the presence and love of God in both powerful and personal ways.  For more information on how to be part of Operation Christmas Child, go to bellefontefaith.com/occ.

Why Can't I stop

 

My guess is that all of us have wrestled with a bad habit or addiction that we have not been able to stop.  Whether it is being constantly negative and only seeing the bad in people and situations, or not being able to control our eating, drinking, or shopping, or spending way too much time binge watching TV or scrolling through social media, we have all found ourselves asking the question, Why can’t I stop?  

Many years ago, before binge watching was a thing, I discovered the TV show 24.  I started watching it in the third or fourth season but then someone gave me the first few seasons on DVD.  I started watching it one night and if you know the show, each episode is one hour in a 24 hour day, but it is a day when the nation or the world hangs in the balance due to some kind of attack.  So I watched the first hour and was hooked.  I would tell myself, it’s not a full hour of TV, it’s more like 45-50 minutes so I would watch another episode, and then another.  One night it was 2:00 in the morning and I asked myself, why can’t I stop?  The DVD’s will be there tomorrow, this wasn’t real life, and I needed to get some sleep, but I just couldn’t stop.  

I’ll be honest, I ask this when I sit down with a bag of chips as well.  Why can’t I stop?  Or a half gallon of ice-cream?  Why can’t I stop?  Sometimes I ask this when I visit a new church or am a visitor in worship and I start critiquing everything.  Why can’t I stop and just worship?  I was doing this on vacation once with my friends and they said, Andy - stop.  

Sometimes, the things we wrestle with are much more serious and destructive.  Why can't I stop fantasizing about others when I’m in a perfectly happy and healthy marriage?  Why can't I stop drinking or smoking?  Why can’t I stop the constant negative and destructive thoughts I have about myself?  Why can’t I stop gossiping and putting others down? 

For those of us who walk with Jesus, when we ask this question we might begin to bargain with God.  God, I will read my Bible everyday, worship every week, give 10% to the church if you will just let me stop.  We might find some strength to change for a day or two, maybe even a week or two, but then we find ourselves falling back into old habits and bad addictions.  Why can’t we stop and experience real change?  We want to change, we desire to change, we pray for change, but change doesn’t happen.  

The truth is that there are many reasons why we might feel “stuck” in a pattern of old habits and addictions and we aren’t going to be able to talk about them all.  There are practical reasons why we might not be able to change.  For example, if I buy chips and have them in the house I’m going to eat them.  I know this but I don’t change my practice.  

There are emotional reasons why we might not be able to change.  Old wounds and unresolved issues will find their way to the surface in our lives and usually they come out in negative behavior.  One of my favorite shows is Hoarders and if you watch more than a few episodes, you know that one reason people hoard is because they have experienced some kind of traumatic loss that they have not worked through.  

There are also relational reasons why we might not be able to change.  It’s hard to stop drinking if all our friends go to the bar every night.  It’s hard to stop gossiping when everyone around us is eager to share the latest tidbit they just heard.  And there are physical reasons why we might not be able to stop.  If you struggle with deep and ongoing depression, it could be a chemical imbalance in the brain that needs to be cared for.  

Each of these things can keep us stuck in an endless cycle of asking why, so it’s important to work with people who can help us figure some of this out.  I encourage you to talk with friends or therapists who can help you work through some of these issues, but today, what I want to focus on is what we find in the center of all this - spiritual reasons.  

There are spiritual reasons that cause us to turn to negative habits and behaviors that over time can take control of our lives.  When this happens, it is often because we are trying to meet a spiritual need with something other than God.  In the 17th century, there was a french mathematician and philosopher, Blaise Pascal, who said, 

What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace?  This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself.

Pascal talks about an emptiness and a craving in us that is so strong it leads us to try and fill the void with everything around us.  The emptiness is so strong that we feel helpless in overcoming our behavior, in other words, we can’t stop, but nothing fills the void.  Since the void within us is a longing for a relationship with God, only God can fill it.  Nothing finite can fill the infinite abyss, or the God shaped hole, except God alone.  

Even religion can not fill that God shaped hole.  I’m not saying Jesus can’t fill it, or God can’t fill it, I’m saying religion can’t fill it.  Religion is our attempt to earn God’s approval by trying to follow all the rules.  Religion is trying to please God on our own.  Religion is trying to live like Jesus all by ourselves.  Religion is trying to stop bad habits and addictions in our own strength and working with all our strength and power to be good.  Religion will always come up short.  

Religion won’t change us, but grace will.  The first thing grace does is bring us back into a relationship with God.  For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.  Titus 2:11

We are saved by God’s grace alone.  While our sin separates us from God, God’s grace brings us back to God.  Religion doesn’t save us.  Trying on our own to be good and faithful doesn’t save us.  We are saved by grace alone.  Grace is the unmerited goodwill and favor of God.  Grace is what God has done for us, not what we have done or can do for God.  God’s grace saves us, but it doesn’t stop there, it is God’s grace that will also change us.  

Too many of us know that we are saved by God’s grace but then think we have to change all on our own.  We tell ourselves, I have to overcome all these things in my life, I have to follow all the rules, be obedient to God in all things, and change all that is bad in me and make it good.  If it’s going to be, then it’s up to me.  We are saved by grace but then tell ourselves transformation is only going to come by our hard work.  As long as we believe this and live this way, we will fail.  Let me share a verse that can be a game changer when it comes to change.  

God’s grace teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ. Titus 2:12-13

In other words, the grace that SAVES us is the grace that SUSTAINS us.  Just as it is God’s grace that sets us into a right relationship with God, so it is God’s grace that will transform us into the person God has called me to be. I don’t change by trying harder, I change by trusting more and more in the grace of God that is already at work within me.    

Here at Faith Church, we talk about our faith in the context of 3 relationships: a relationship with God, the church, and the world.  We can grow in our faith by focusing on the rhythms that are part of each relationship.  We can grow in our relationship with God by living fully into our identity.  The rhythm of identity is simply knowing who we are in Christ Jesus and that we are a new creation not by working harder but by trusting in God’s grace.  

Because of God’s grace, we don’t have to work harder to be loved, we are fully loved right now.  Because of God’s grace, we don’t have to dig deeper to find the strength to change because God’s grace leads us to a new life, it helps us change.  Jesus said, if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed.  Well guess what, the Son, Jesus, has set us free so by God’s grace we are free.  We are not slaves to sin and addictions and the habits that hold us back, we are free, free to live a new life by God’s grace.  

So the question is, how does God’s grace change us?  It changes us by helping us focus on the right things.  Too often when we want to change, we focus on the outward problem.  We focus on our eating, or shopping, or drinking, or the time we spend online.  We focus on the problem and tell ourselves that if we can change our outward behavior, everything will be ok.  

As long as we only focus on the outward appearance and our behavior, we will fail.  In many ways this is religion.   Religion focuses on the outward appearance and behavior and tells us that we need to clean things up. This is what the religious leaders were doing in Jesus’ day and Jesus told them, you’re doing it all wrong.  

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.  Matthew 23:25-26

Jesus often talked about how religious people always got it wrong because they started by focusing on the outside.  He was critical of those who worked to make sure their prayers were just right but whose hearts were hard.  He was critical of those who made sure they gave exactly the way the law told them to but then weren’t generous with their family and friends.  

In the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus was critical of the religious leaders who all passed by a man in need because they had important things to do or didn’t want to defile themselves by stopping to help.  What Jesus wants us to do is focus on and fix what is inside of us and allow that to change our actions and behaviors.  What changes the inside is not our actions but God’s grace.  

So the first step to real change is to stop looking at the outside and what needs to change and more deeply accept God’s grace on the inside.  The second step to real change comes when we can be honest about all that we find when we do look inside, and we can be honest, brutally honest, when we fully trust in God’s grace.  

When we know beyond any doubt that God loves us, and that His grace alone has forgiven us and saved us, we can confess all our sins, even those sins we don’t want to acknowledge.  When we know the full power of God’s love, we can be brutally honest about all the darkness that lies within us and open up about the secrets we carry, the shame we hide, and the lies we tell ourselves and others.  

Because of God’s grace, we can be honest about the things inside us that need to be cleaned up, and when we start being honest and confess those things to God, our lives will change.  If we can’t see the brokenness on the inside that needs to be healed and the void that needs to be filled, and if we aren’t willing to confess our sin, then God can’t forgive us and heal us and make us whole.  We have to allow God’s grace to lead us to a place of confession and forgiveness.  

It can be painful when we come to terms with the spiritual issues in our lives and the sin that lies deep within us, but the wonderful thing about God’s grace is that the more sin we uncover in our lives, the more God’s grace appears.  Paul said, where sin increased, grace increased all the more. Romans 5:20.  

We don’t sin more to get more grace, but as we uncover and come to terms with the reality and tenacity of our sin, the sin that keeps us holding on to our bad habits and behaviors, we find God’s grace abounds all the more to set us free.    

So, why can’t you stop?  I can’t completely answer that in your life.  It’s complicated.  There can be many issues that keep us stuck and unable to change, but behind much of our struggle is a spiritual problem.  We are trying to meet a need and fill a void that can only be met by God’s grace.  Religion won’t solve our problems.  Trying harder to stop bad habits and addictions doesn’t always work.  What we need is to trust in the power of God’s grace alone.  The grace that saved us is the grace that will sustain us, but even more important is this.  

The grace that saves us is the grace that will set us free.  

Freedom and new life doesn’t happen in an instant, we might find success and failure in our walk of faith and our relationship with God, the church, and the world, but the more we focus on the power of God’s grace, the more we find the power to live a life free from sin and the power to really change.  

 

Next Steps

Why can’t I change?

What are the habits, behaviors and addictions you want to stop?  

● How have you tried to stop in the past?  

● Were you successful short term?  Long term?

How have you been trying to fill the “God-shaped hole” in your life?  

What do you tend to turn to when you feel isolated or alone?  

The grace that saves you is the grace that sustains you.

Read Titus 2:11-13

When has God’s grace led you to a more self-controlled and godly life?  

How can seeing yourself as a fully loved child of God help you grow in the rhythm of “identity”?  (check out the 3 Relationships Workbook at bellefontefaith.com/3r)

What other rhythm in the 3 Relationships can we grow in by focusing on God’s grace.  

Set your heart and mind on God’s grace each day this week by reading a verse about God’s grace .  Ephesians 2:8-9

Romans 5:20-21

 Romans 6:14

1 Corinthians 15:10

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

John 1:16-17

Hebrews 4:15-16.  

Why is it easier to focus on the outside, and work to clean up behaviors and actions, instead of trying to clean up the inside?  See Matthew 23:25-26

How can God’s grace lead us to a place of confession and repentance?  How can that help us clean up the inside?  

Why did God not answer my prayer?

 

Last week we started a series called “Ever wonder why?” and asked the very difficult question that people have been asking for centuries, why did God let it happen.  Today we are going to consider another difficult question that people have wrestled with for centuries, why didn’t God answer my prayer?  

Prayer can be very confusing at times because while we believe in its prayer and see all kinds of prayers answered in the Bible, we often question why God doesn’t answer our prayers.  

In the book of Joshua, when the people of God were in battle, Joshua prayed for the sun to stand still, and it did.  

The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the Lord listened to a human being. Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel!  Joshua 10:13-14

God answered that prayer, but when we pray for flood waters to recede to ease the suffering of people, or storms to weaken so they don’t devastate communities, it doesn’t happen.  God didn’t answer those prayer.

We read about Elijah asking God to send down fire from heaven to show His power and glory, and God does, but when we pray for God to show His power and glory by healing someone with cancer, it doesn’t happen.  Why does God answer one person’s prayer and not others?  

In the story of Daniel, Daniel prayed for the mouths of the lions to be shut, and they were, but when we pray for a door to open for employment, it doesn’t come.  All of this can cause us to question why God didn’t answer our prayers.  Did God not hear us?  Did we pray the wrong way?  Does God not love or care about us?

Like last week, let me be clear at the beginning and tell you that I am not going to be able to give you a clear answer about why God may not have answered your prayer.  

What I can do, and want to do, is share some thoughts on prayer that can help guide us when we ask the question why and some teaching about prayer that can help our prayers be more effective.  If you hear nothing else today, I hope you will hear this:

The purpose of prayer is not to get God to do our will.

The purpose of prayer is to know God so we can do His will. 

 Believe it or not, God does not exist to answer our prayers.  We are not the main character in the story - God is.  While God created us in love and loves us unconditionally, God does not exist to do our will and fulfill all our desires, we exist to honor and glorify God.  So, prayer isn’t about getting what we want or telling God what He needs to do in our lives and in the world, prayer is about surrendering to God so we can learn more about what He wants and how we can serve, honor and glorify Him.  

While the purpose of prayer is about growing in our relationship with God and surrendering ourselves to God’s will, Jesus does say that whatever we ask for in God’s name, we will receive.  

I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.  John 14:13-14

This seems to say that God will answer all our prayers. Ask for anything in my name and you will receive it.  Jesus makes prayer sound like we have a genie in a bottle who will grant all our wishes, but this isn’t all Jesus said about prayer or all that the Bible says about prayer.  The Bible says many things about prayer, and we need to take them all into consideration when we ask why God didn’t answer our prayers.  God’s willingness to answer our prayer doesn’t just depend on our asking, it depends on many things.  

We are going to look at 4 things that lead to effective prayer and the first one comes from Jesus.

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.  Mark 11:24-25

1. Effective prayer needs healthy relationships with God and others.  Jesus said that how we treat others, our relationships with others, will impact how God hears and responds to our prayer.  If you stop and think about it, this makes sense.  If your kids are yelling and fighting with each other all day, how likely are you going to be to let them have friends over for the night?  How likely are you going to be to give them anything they want?  As parents, how your children treat each other, and how they treat you, impacts how you respond to them.  

If we are being unkind toward one another, if we are putting others down, if being negative and critical of others at home and at work, if we aren’t lifting others up as the Bible tells us to but tearing each other down, and if we aren’t willing to forgive as God has forgiven us, why would God look graciously at our prayers?  We may not like hearing this, but how we treat one another has a direct impact on how God hears and responds to our prayers.  It’s not the ONLY thing God takes into consideration, but it is one thing, and it is one thing we can control.  

If you don’t think there is a direct link between our relationships with one another and our prayer life, then consider this verse.  It is written to husbands, but I would say it is true for husbands and wives, children and parents, siblings, friends, and neighbors.  

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect… so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7

How we treat one another impacts our prayers.  If God doesn’t seem to answer our prayers, maybe our relationships are broken, and we need to start treating one another with respect and grace.  

2. Effective prayer needs the right motives.  Not only does effective prayer need right relationships, it needs right motives. 

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.  James 4:3

If we ask God to bless us financially so we can spend more money on ourselves, why would God answer that?  If we aren’t willing to tithe, or give or be generous towards with what God has already given us, why would God answer our prayers for more?  If we ask God for gifts and abilities but all we want is to use them for recognition and fame, why would God answer our prayer?  If our motive in prayer isn't to give glory to God and serve God and others, why would God answer our prayer?  

We always need to check our motives because even if we think our hearts are good and right and pure, they may not be. Jeremiah said, The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Jeremiah 17:9

It’s important for us to examine our motives when we pray because we can be easily deceived.  More than once God has pointed out that my motives may not have been as right as I thought they were.  Motives matter.  Relationships matter.  And faith matters.  

3. Effect prayer needs faith.   When we pray, do we believe that God can do what we are asking Him to do?  Do we have faith, even the size of a mustard seed, when we ask God for help?  Faith matters.  Jesus linked people’s faith to His ability to answer prayers.  Jesus said, if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.  Matthew 21:22

A few weeks ago, we heard the story of the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years.  She went to Jesus and believed that if she could touch the hem of His garment that she would be healed.  She reached out in faith.  We might say she prayed in faith and Jesus said, daughter, your faith has made you well.  

Another time Jesus was approached by two blind men who cried out to Him for healing.  Jesus asked,  "Do you believe that I am able to do this?”  “Yes, Lord,” they replied. Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you”; and their sight was restored.  Matthew 9:28-30

Their faith had a direct effect on Jesus’ ability to answer their prayer.  Now let me be clear and say that faith is not the ONLY thing that God takes into consideration when He answers our prayers.  If God doesn’t answer our prayer, it is not always due to a lack of faith, but we do need to have faith when we pray.  And if our faith is weak, we need to ask God to strengthen it.

A man came to Jesus asking him to heal his son from a spirit that threw him on the ground and into fires, but his faith was weak.  

Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”  Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”  Mark 9:22-24

I love Jesus' response to the father, If I can?  You're asking me to do something but aren’t sure that I can do it?  All things are possible if you believe.  The father is passionate about wanting his son healed, but he is also honest, I do believe but help my unbelief.  

I don’t know about you, but this is often where I find myself in prayer.  I believe God can answer prayers and move in miraculous ways, and I believe God wants to do these powerful things, but there are doubts that creep up in the shadows.  So, I cry to God, I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief.  God, wipe away the darkness of doubt that too often creeps into my faith because I know that my faith matters when I pray.  I believe, help my unbelief.  

Relationships matter.  Motives matter. And faith matters if our prayers are going to be effective, but even when all these are spot on, when all our relationships with God and others are as good as we can make them, and our motives are pure and humble, and our faith is strong and powerful, there are still times God may not answer our prayers the way we want Him too.  One final thing needed for effective prayer is for us to surrender to the will of God.

4. Effective prayer needs to yield to God’s will.  

This takes us back to the beginning when I said that we aren’t the main characters of the story and God isn’t here to do all that we want Him to do.  We pray to know God and to obey His will.  Sometimes we pray so that our hearts can surrender to God’s purpose and plan.  As much as we might think we know what God’s will is, we might not know it fully.  As much as we think we know what is right, what we think is right might not be what is best in the short term or the long term.  

And no matter what we think is right for us and best for us, God might have a different plan.  Notice I didn’t say a better plan, God’s plan is not always better in our eyes, it just might be different.  A great example of this is seen in the life of the Apostle Paul.

Paul was the major leader of the Jesus movement after Jesus ascended into heaven.  He helped spread the gospel of Jesus across the Roman Empire and his wisdom and faith accounts for much of the teaching we find in the New Testament.  He was a man of faith and passion who always tried to align himself with God’s will.  We might think that God always answered Paul’s prayers, but He didn’t.  Paul prayed diligently for something that God did not provide

I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  2 Corinthians 12:7-9

We don’t know what this thorn in the flesh was. Some think it was a person who always seemed to work against Paul.  Others thought it may have been a physical ailment that held him back.  We do know Paul suffered from some type of eye problem so it could have been that Paul prayed for this healing, but it never came.  What God told Paul was that He had a different plan for him.  

Instead of bringing Paul healing and removing the thorn, God was going to teach Paul how to lean on His grace and strength.  Clearly, for Paul, a better plan would have been to be healed, but God’s plan was different.  Our prayers always have to yield to God’s will and God’s will is not always our will  

Now you might be asking, if God is going to do whatever He wants to do anyway, why should I pray?  If God is going to follow His plan regardless of how healthy our relationships are, how pure our motives are, and how strong our faith is, why should we pray?  It’s a valid question and it takes us back to the purpose of prayer.  

We pray not to just get what we want; we pray to know God more.  We pray to align our hearts with God’s heart.  We pray so that our will surrender to God’s will.  

The purpose of prayer is not to get God to do our will.

The purpose of prayer is to know God so we can do His will. 

Next Steps

Why doesn’t God answer my prayer?

When have you struggled because God didn’t answer your prayer the way you thought God should?  (Some of these situations can be deeply painful.  Ask God for light to understand and grace to ease the pain.)

Jesus said, I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.  John 14:13-14

Does this mean we will get everything we ask for in prayer? 

What other teachings on prayer help you understand what Jesus is saying?  

4 teachings on what makes prayer effective.

1. Effective prayer needs healthy relationships with God and others.  Mark 11:24-25.  

● Why does God care about our relationships?

● What relationships do you need to work on before you go to God in prayer?  

● How can prayer help strengthen your relationship with God?  

2. Effective prayer needs the right motives.  James 4:3 and Jeremiah 17:9.  

● When have your motives not always been right when you prayed?  

● What motives need to be set right before you prayers?  

3. Effective prayer needs faith.  Matthew 22:21, Matthew 9:28-30, and Mark 9:22-24

● When have you prayed for a stronger faith?

● How can you strengthen your faith so that you fully believe in what you are asking for in prayer?  

4. Effective prayer needs to yield to God’s will.  2 Corinthians 12:7-9

● How does Jesus show us this during His prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane?  Matthew 26:36-46

Keep the purpose of prayer always before you.

The purpose of prayer is not to get God to do our will.

The purpose of prayer is to know God so we can do His will.