Chasing Approval

This month we have been looking at some of the things we chase in life that we think will make us happy, or help us feel safe and secure.  There are times we chase fame and popularity because we are convinced that having our videos go viral on social media will validate our lives and bring us fulfillment.  At other times, we try to live up to the expectations that others have for us, or those unreal expectations of perfection we set for ourselves.  Most of us struggle with pursuing money and possessions because we have bought into the lie that more things will make us happy and more money will make us secure.  What we find in each of these areas is that the race is never won so we have to keep running.  There is no real life found in these pursuits.  

Today we are going to talk about chasing after the approval of others, and for many of us, this is how we live.  We are true people pleasers and we want to do anything and everything to make sure that people like us.  On the surface you might not think there is anything wrong with this, after all, making others happy seems like a noble goal, but as we dig below the surface, we find that the need to please is a sickness that can eat away our happiness, our health, and our spiritual wellbeing.  

Psychologist and bestselling author, Harriet Braiker, said “the disease to please is a form of addiction.  Like a drug addict seeks drugs, so a people pleaser seeks approval.”  While this may sound extreme, it is true.  When our pursuit is to please all the people all the time, we will tie ourselves up in knots trying to make it happen.  We will never succeed because everyone wants something different, and the race never ends because we will always find one more person we will want to please. 

People pleasers struggle in three main areas.  First, they obsess about what other people think of them.  They don’t wonder or worry about it, they become obsessed over it.  They think of it constantly.  Their need for approval drives all their words and actions.  People pleasers will obsess over what they are wearing: is it appropriate, will I fit in, is it fashionable, will others judge me because of how I look, will I get any likes on social media.  They will obsess over what they say: was that joke funny, was my story engaging, did what I say make me sound intelligent or cool.  Our need for approval can literally make us sick with worry and stress.

I will be honest, I am a bit of a people pleaser.  I want people to like me, I want to fit in, I want to be cool (ok, I think I failed on that one once I hit 4th grade).  Being an overweight kid who was completely non-athletic, there were many times I didn’t fit in at school and all I wanted to be was part of the in crowd, I wanted to belong.  Those desires shaped not only what I thought of myself, they drove me to try and please others so I would feel better about myself.  That people pleasing perspective stayed with me.

For probably the first 10 to 15 years of being a pastor I returned home from Sunday worship and felt an overwhelming sense of dread as I looked at my answer machine.  I was terrified that something I said in worship, or something that I did on Sunday, or didn’t do, would get them so mad that they would call to let me know.  I didn’t want to disappoint them, I didn’t want them to be mad.  I didn’t want to deal with the conflict and so I lived in fear until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon when I figured everything was ok.  Being a people pleaser robbed me of joy and peace and being able to enjoy a Sunday lunch for 10 years.  

People pleasers obsess over what others think of us and it slowly kills us.  People pleasers are also overly sensitive to suggestions.  Again, I’m not talking about feeling a little defensive, I’m talking about going to pieces because someone wanted to share a helpful suggestion.  Whether it was helpful or critical, people pleasers will often shut down when others just want to share an idea.   

The third struggle for people pleasers is that we (and I will include myself in this) have a hard time saying no.  Because we want everyone to like us, we think we have to do everything people ask of us.  We say yes to everything even when our lives are spinning out of control and we don’t have the time to do one more thing.  We take it all on so that we don’t disappoint someone or make someone mad.  People pleasers will go to great lengths to avoid conflict because we don’t want one side or the other to think negatively of us.  

As I was reflecting on the dangers of chasing after the approval of others, I realized that like money, fame, or perfection, anything we chase after in life that is not God, is an idol.  It’s not a statue that we bow down to every morning or evening, but it is something other than God that we chase after, and constantly seeking the approval of others means we are placing ourselves under their authority and not under the authority of God.  Chasing the approval of others means we are serving them first and not God. 

In Galatians 1:10 Paul says, Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.  If you know anything about the life of Paul, you know he was not a people pleaser.  Paul started out as a very zealous Pharisee who did everything he could to destroy the followers of Jesus.  He arrested them.  He beat them.  He put them in prison, and he even gave the approval for the stoning of Stephen, one of the early church leaders.  

Once Paul accepted Christ as his Savior and started to follow him as his Lord, he lost the approval of his Jewish friends and had no real friends among those who followed Jesus because they didn’t trust him, but none of that mattered to Paul because he wasn’t seeking their approval but God’s approval.  Paul was not much of a people pleaser because he was not going to serve anyone other than God.  To chase after the approval of people was to serve them and allow them to have authority in his life, and Paul would not do that.  

As harsh as it sounds, chasing after the approval of others is a form of idolatry that pulls us away from God.  Proverbs 29:25 says fear of man will prove to be a snare. The word snare literally means a noose, like you would use to rope an animal, or a hook that you would use to lead them where you want them to go.  So when we are living to please others, we are allowing them to lead and guide us instead of God.  We are giving them the authority in our lives that we need to give to God.  

As long as we are trying to please people we will be led around by the desires, ideas, wants, and needs of others instead of God, but the rest of Proverbs 29:25 shows us the way out.  Whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe.  Here, trusting in the Lord means listening to and believing what God says about us more than what others say about us.  

Now here is the good news, what God says about us is that through Christ we are already approved by God.  Because of God’s love and grace, we are already loved by God.  We already belong to God.  Since we are already approved by God we don’t have to chase after His approval at all.  That’s the good news, the bad news is that as soon as we start chasing after the approval of others, we will immediately forget what God thinks of us.  Obsessing over what others think of us is the fastest way to forget what God already sees in us.  Placing our faith and trust in God is the key to stop chasing the approval of others.  

The approval of God heals the disease to please and it is God’s approval that can set us free from feeling like we constantly need the approval of others.  And once again, we already have God’s approval.  We don’t have to seek it, ask for it, or chase after it, we just need to accept it.  Now, if, like me, you are someone who just never feels quite good enough and so tries to please others all the time, I want to invite you to do something intentional this week to turn things around.  Since the voices around us, and in us, are usually the ones telling us we need the approval of others, I want to encourage you to replace those voices with the voice of God.  

Every day this week, maybe morning and evening, read a passage of scripture that tells you exactly who you are in God’s eyes.  And read it out loud, so you can hear an audible voice telling you that you are already approved, and that you are already loved, and that you are already forgiven, and that you already belong to God.  You are God’s workmanship, you are God’s child, you are a new creation, and God’s perfect love for you has set you free from the need to chase after anything else.  

Included in the next steps this week you will find a list of scriptures and I invite you to read one or two of them each day.  Maybe you need to hear them in the morning to start your day right.  Maybe you need to hear them in the evening when all the negative thoughts beat you up.  I had to tell myself every Sunday for years that I was approved by God and that my value and worth didn’t come from what others thought of me but from the one who already loved me and died for me.  It took a while for God’s approval to help me overcome my disease.  

In time, God’s word has the power to replace the lies of the world that tell us that we need the approval of others.  We are not what others think of us, we are fully who God says we already are in Christ.  God says we are loved.  God says we are forgiven.  God says we are redeemed and belong to Him.  God says we are precious in His sight so there is no more approval that we need to pursue.  

Next Steps

Chasing the Approval of Others.

When you were young, whose approval meant the most to you?  Why?  Have you ever cared too much about what others thought? 

People-pleasers battle three problems: 

1. obsessing over what others think, 

2. feeling overly sensitive to criticism, 

3. having a hard time saying “no.” 

Which problem most describes you? Why do you think you have a hard time with that particular problem?

Read Proverbs 29:25.  

In what ways is fearing what others think a trap?  

In what ways do you see people pleasing as a form of idolatry?  

What are some ways you can stop seeking approval from others?

What steps can you take to start embracing who God says you are?

Scriptures to read out loud this week”

2 Corinthians 5:17

Ephesians 1:4-7

Romans 8:37

Ephesians 2:10 

Matthew 5:14

Romans 8:11 

Romans 8:17

2 Corinthians 5:20 

2 Corinthians 5:21

Romans 1:7 

1 Peter 2:9

Exodus 19:5

Philippians 3:20-21

John 15:15

Philippians 4:13

Ephesians 1:7

Psalm 139

Colossians 2:10

Galatians 2:20

Philippians 2:13

Chasing Wealth

Do you consider yourself to be rich?  When people were asked how much money they would need to make in order to consider themselves wealthy, the answer varied by how much they were currently making.  Those making under $35K a year said they would need to make $70K.  Those of you currently making $70K might be thinking right now, wait, I’m not rich.  Those making $50K a year said they would need to make over $100K, and those in the top income bracket didn’t talk about how much they would need to make at all, they talked about how much they would need in assets and to be rich they said they needed 5 million dollars.  

One of the interesting things about that survey is that it didn’t matter how much money a person was making or had on hand, being rich always meant having more, often twice as much.  So it doesn’t matter how much we make or how much we have, being rich is always seen as having more.  So being rich is a moving target where the line is always ahead of us.  So if we chase after wealth in order to be rich and feel happy and secure, we will never be satisfied, never have enough, and never stop running.  

This month we are looking at some of those things we chase after and pursue in life because we think they will make us happy, and for many of us, wealth and possessions is at the top of that list.  We know that money won’t make us happy and solve all our problems, in fact, one of the biggest news stories right now is that apparently having $130 Billion can’t save your marriage.  We know that wealth and riches are fleeting, and that wanting more only leads us to wanting more, but we get sucked into the culture around us that says we will be happier and be more fulfilled if we can just get a little more money.  After all, who wouldn’t want more money?  

Chasing wealth and possessions is so common and so dangerous that Jesus spoke about it often.  Luke 12:15, Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.  It’s not often Jesus tells us twice in a row to watch out about something, but He does here because wealth and possessions are that dangerous.  

Jesus told a story that gives us some insight on how we need to look at wealth and possessions.  Luke 12:16-21

The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’  Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.

One of the surprising truths about this story is that God is not upset with the man for being rich, in fact, it is God who gave him his wealth.  It was God who gave this man a bumper crop and a successful harvest.  God is not upset with him for being rich, God is upset that the man is not rich toward Him.  The man is not humble, he is not thankful, he is not a good steward of what God has given him. The man is not being generous with what he has been given.  He simply wants to store up more for himself and take life easy.  

It’s important for us to understand this because too often we simply demonize all those who are rich, or we start feeling guilty for what we have earned or been given in life, but there is no shame in wealth or possessions.  There is nothing wrong with living in a nice house or driving a new car.  It is not evil to put money into a savings account or invest in an IRA.  Being rich in the things of the world is not a problem as long as we remain rich toward God.  

This is good news for us because the truth is - You are rich!  By any measure we might use, when we compare ourselves with the rest of the world, we are rich.  

Globally, 10% of the world lives on less than $1.90 a day, which is less than a med coffee at Dunkin and a small coffee at Starbucks.  Over 30% of urban populations around the world are living in slums, and if you think the rural population has it better off, they don’t.  If you live in a rural area around the world you are 7 times more likely to be drinking contaminated water.   

If you want to know if you are rich, just look at the daily struggles that make you mad.  If you got mad after you got in your car, drove past 5 or 6 restaurants to go to your favorite, placed your order, drove home, and then found out they forgot to give you your dipping sauce - you are rich.  Some people call this a first world problem, and we face many of them.  Here are some of the most common first world problems we face:

● Having to watch ads while on youtube or facebook.

● Not getting our amazon prime package in 2 days.

● Forgetting the password for our email or online banking.

● Not knowing what to wear when you get up in the morning.

● Having to wait for netflix to load.

● Not having access to wifi.

If these things have irritated you recently, you are rich.  I was frustrated last week because I broke the headphone jack off in my ipad so I had no sound.  Not having sound for a few days was frustrating and I spent a lot of time learning how to solve this - a true first world problem.  I also spent Monday cleaning out a closet and a couple drawers because I had too much stuff - another first world problem.  

We are rich, and again, there is nothing wrong with that, we just need to learn how to be good at it, and we can’t be good at being rich until we acknowledge that we are rich, so let’s just acknowledge it.  Say it with me.  I am rich. 

Now, in no way do I want to minimize the financial struggles you might be facing today.  These problems are real and painful and difficult to navigate.  What I want us to do is understand that by the world’s standards we are rich and we need to learn how to be good stewards of what God has given us so that no matter where we might be financially, we will not see that the answer to all our problems is more money.  

We are rich, and God is the one who has made us rich, Ecclesiastes 5:19, When God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God.  Whether we are making $35K or $50K or have $5 million in assets, God is the one who has made us rich and it is a gift that we are to enjoy and use faithfully.  

So that’s the good news, now here is the bad news:  You are rich!  

That’s right, being rich is bad news because Jesus said that we are at a spiritual disadvantage because of our wealth.  Luke 18: 24-25.  How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.

One of the disadvantages of being rich is that because of our wealth, we have learned to trust in ourselves and our wealth more than God.  For example, when we pray, give us this day our daily bread, most of us aren’t really trusting God to give us the food we need for dinner tonight because we will go and get it out of the fridge, the freezer, the cabinet, or our favorite restaurant.  When we have a roof over our heads, cars to drive, clean water in our homes, and food on our tables, we really don’t have to trust God from day to day.  In many ways we have never learned to trust God because we have never known what it means to be in need.

Another disadvantage is that with all of our wealth and possessions come a lot of distractions.  The more we have, the more we need to take care of what we have.  We have to clean it, store it, fix it, and update it.  We have to watch over and protect all our stuff which means learning new passwords every 30 days for all our online accounts, or making sure our ring doorbell has had the latest update so we can make sure no one gets our packages.  The more we have, the more we have to manage, care for, and sort through our stuff, and this makes life more complicated, takes up more time, and pulls us away from the things that matter most.  \

A third disadvantage to being rich is that with wealth comes great responsibilities.  Jesus said, From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.  Luke 12:48.  Since our wealth and possessions come from God, God gives them to us not just to enjoy but to use faithfully.  Are we being faithful and generous?  Are we using our wealth to be a blessing to others?  

There are real challenges we face because we are rich, which is why Jesus said, be on guard AND watch out because life, real life, is not found in an abundance of wealth or possessions.  And here’s the thing, we know this.  None of what I said is new - we know this, we just struggle to live this.  Too often we buy into the world around us which constantly tells us that more stuff will make us happier, but we know that money won’t strength our marriage, keep our kids off of drugs, lift us out of depression, or heal our hearts, minds, or bodies.  Every time we chase after money, we are living under the curse of money and the power of the world, and we don’t need more of the world, we need more of God.  We don’t need more stuff, we need more Jesus.  

Paul said to his companion in ministry, Timothy, but the words are true for us today. Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 1 Timothy 6:17.

Once again, notice that it is God who provides us with riches and wealth and He gives it to us to enjoy, so there is no shame or guilt in being rich, but we can’t be arrogant, look down on others, or trust our money to take care of us, we have to be good stewards of what we have and use it all according to God’s will, and trust God.  

Paul goes on and says, Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.  1 Timothy 6:18-19

We are to be rich in good deeds and generosity. We are to be rich in humility and faith in God.  We are to use responsibly all that God has given us and if we do this, Paul says, we will take hold of true life.  Chasing money won’t bring us life - chasing God will.  

This week I invite you to stop chasing money and do something that ultimately matters.  Take your riches and richly bless someone.  If you can, pay it forward for someone else.  Send an anonymous gift to a friend in need, support the mission of Faith Church or one of our mission partners like the Bridge of Hope, or Habitat for Humanity.  Give your time to serve in the community, or give your time to our upcoming VBS and help children learn how to place their faith and trust in Jesus.  Maybe you can save up your vacation time at work and go on a mission trip this fall and bless others with your gift of service and faith. 

The world will never stop telling us that we need more and that the more we have and spend ourselves, the better life will be, and Jesus will never stop saying, watch out AND, be on your guard, for life is not found in an abundance of wealth and possessions.  

Let me close with three sentences that I hope you will write down and repeat this week.  I am going to ask that you repeat these with me.  They can be found in the next steps on the digital bulletin and we will be posting them on facebook later today.  

God has blessed me with more than I need, I am rich!

But I will not trust in my riches, but in Him who richly provides.

Because I have more, I will give more and do more.  

We are rich.  God has richly blessed us, don’t be embarrassed or ashamed for being rich, learn to be good at it.  First, keep your faith and trust in God and then learn to give more and do more.  Because we have more, let us learn to give more and do more - in Jesus’ name.  

 

Next Steps

Chasing Wealth

Important questions for reflection:

● Do you consider yourself wealthy?  

● How much would you need to consider yourself rich?  

● Why do we always think that we need a little bit more?

By any global standard we are rich.  Ask God to help you see all the ways in which you are rich.  What “first world problem” do you struggle with?

Read Luke 12:13-21

Who gives the rich man his wealth?

Being rich is not a problem if we are also rich toward God.

How would you describe a life that is rich toward God?

In what ways do you need to grow in being rich toward God?

Jesus tells us to watch out AND be on guard as there are spiritual disadvantages to wealth.  In what ways do you struggle with these 3 disadvantages:

● Trusting in our wealth more than God

● Being distracted by all our possessions

● Being responsible for faithfully using all our wealth according to God’s will and purpose.  

Read Luke 12:48 and 1 Timothy 6:17-19

What is one thing you can do this week to bless others with the wealth God has given to you?  Where can you use your wealth of time, talent, and treasure to make a real difference in our community or world?  

Read and reflect on these 3 sentences each day this week:

God has blessed me with more than I need, I am rich!

I will not trust in my riches, but in Him who richly provides.

Because I have more, I will give more and do more.  

Chasing Perfection

We want to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there.  None of us would be here today without a mom, and all of us have had our lives shaped by moms as well as women who have stepped into our lives with a mother’s love.  We are grateful today for mothers, grandmothers, step-mothers, foster mothers, mothers-in-law, aunts, sisters, friends, mentors, teachers, pastors, and any and all women who have made an impact on our lives.  We honor you, we remember you, and we celebrate you today.  

If you’re a mom raising young children today, my heart goes out to you because the expectations placed upon you are impossible.  The pressure is on for you to have a pinterest worthy home, instagram worthy looks for both you and your family, and you have to post all your activities to fb so relatives and friends can see just how well you are doing it all.  This past year you have also had to help home-school your children which means not only helping with math and science, but you had to prepare arts and crafts, teach music, and organize gym class.  

Every day you are expected to give baths, read books, sing songs, and pray with your children.  You have to take your turn being a homeroom mom at school, and set up elaborate birthday parties for your children at home.  A Betty Crocker cake from a box with those premade sugar letters spelling happy birthday don’t cut it anymore.  You are also expected to have a career, maintain hobbies, keep in shape, and feed your family healthy and nutritious meals, and for some of you that means organic vegetables or homemade GF bread.  Not only do you have to do it all, you have to maintain all kinds of social media accounts to show the world that you are doing it all.  

Moms, I’m tired just thinking about it.  My heart goes out to you.  If you are a working mom, there are times you might feel guilty about not being home with your kids, or maybe you feel guilty about not wanting to be home with your kids.  If you are a stay at home mom, you might feel guilty about not contributing financially to your family, or you feel bad about not using the college degree you spent so much time on and that you're still paying off.  

It seems like you can’t win.  Whether it’s the impossible expectations others place on you, or that you have placed on yourself, the pursuit of being the perfect mom in today’s world never ends and I’m not sure you can ever attain it, but you try.  

Many moms and dads are overwhelmed today by trying to be the perfect parent, but the pursuit of perfection is not just limited to parents, many of us wrestle with it.  Whether we are trying to live up to our own impossible expectations, or the expectations of others, many of us live our lives striving for perfection, and since we always fall short we either feel guilt, or shame, or unworthiness.  Our feelings of inadequacy push us to try harder in order to meet those expectations, and then we fall short again.  It really does become a never ending pursuit of perfection that leaves us empty and broken.  We are on the proverbial hamster wheel running hard and never making progress.

There are three basic types of perfectionists, the first is called the self oriented perfectionist.  This person sets unrealistically high expectations for themselves and when they fail, they battle feelings of guilt.  Their obsession over doing things perfectly can also cause them to be ineffective in everything.  They will often procrastinate because the need to do things perfectly paralyzes them and keeps them from doing anything.  These people often wrestle with constant feelings of inadequacy, which can push them to try harder or quit altogether.  

The second type of perfectionist is the externally oriented perfectionist.  This person believes that others expect them to be perfect and perform at an exceptionally high level of competence.  To cope with this pressure, these people often use self-deprecating humor as a defense.  They will make fun of themselves and put themselves down in order to try and lower the expectations others have for them.  Trying to live up to the impossible expectations of others can make these people feel alone, depressed, and desperate because they know that they will never measure up.  

The third type of perfectionist is the others oriented perfectionist.  This person expects everyone around them to live up to their standards.  In other words, they expect all those around them to be perfect.  These people often lack empathy and ridicule those who don’t measure up.  

I don’t know if you heard yourself described just now, but I’ll be honest, I have always been a bit of a perfectionist.  I try to live up to the expectations that people have for me as a pastor, and then I also try and live up to the expectations I have for myself as a pastor, as well as a son, a brother, a friend, and a follower of Jesus.  I fail at these every day and that failure leads to guilt, and shame, and feelings of inadequacy.  

When I first started as a pastor I was much more aware of the expectations others had for me and I tried to do it all and be all things to all people.  Every day I realized that I had failed because I could have done more, done things differently, or done things better.  Every day I told myself I needed to try harder.  It was a dangerous cycle that after a year left me empty and unable to do just about anything.  I was feeling alone, inadequate, depressed, and wanting to quit.  

While I have learned how to deal with some of these expectations, I still struggle with being a perfectionist, and I  have to say that being a follower of Jesus doesn’t make this any easier because Jesus said, be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect.  Matthew 5:48.  And 1 Peter 1:15 says, Just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do.  So not only do I wrestle with living up to my standards and the expectations of others, I now have to be perfect like Jesus and holy like God.   

No matter where the expectations come from, one of the reasons we chase perfection is that we feel we have to perform at this high standard, and do all things perfectly, in order to be loved and accepted.  We hide our basic insecurities and our need for approval by trying to work harder, and be all things to all people.  

We not only think we have to work harder and be perfect for people to love and accept us, but we also think we have to be perfect for God to love and accept us, and as long as that is what we think, we will be chasing perfection forever and always come up empty and broken, but God has given us a way out.  

To understand God’s solution to this problem we need to understand how it is that we are made right with God in the first place.  Romans 3:20 spells this out for us clearly.  Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin.

No one is made right with God by what we do.  In other words, we cannot be perfect enough for God to accept us on our own.  God’s word sets such a high bar of moral and ethical behavior that we cannot attain it, let alone get over it.  Whether we are talking about the 10 Commandments, or the 613 laws that the people in Jesus’ day were supposed to follow in order to be holy, we can’t do it.  Let’s just look at the 10 Commandments.  You shall have no other gods before Me - how are we doing on that?  You shall not lie, you shall not covet anything of your neighbors, you shall honor the Sabbath and keep it holy - how are we doing?  

I’m not doing so well.  We are all sinners, and if you are thinking that you aren’t that bad, then your heart has been deceived because Romans 3 also says, there is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.  All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.  

On our own we don’t measure up to the standards of God.  On our own we can’t be perfect, and we can’t gain acceptance by our performance, and we will never be good enough.  It’s important for us to come face to face with the reality of our sin because without seeing our sin we will never see our need for a savior.  

That is how we are made right with God, not by being perfect but by trusting the one who is, Jesus Christ, our Savior.  Romans 3:22, Righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.

Notice that it does NOT say we are made right with God by amassing a lifetime of good works but by accepting a gift, and that gift is given when we place our faith in Jesus Christ.  We are not made right with God, we are not loved and accepted by God, because of our performance, we are made right with God and accepted by God because of God’s mercy and grace.  And let’s be clear, it’s not God’s grace AND some of our work.  It’s not God’s grace AND trying to be better, it is God’s grace ALONE that saves us, and when we begin to step into this reality, when we step in and walk in God’s grace and love, the pressure to perform and be perfect goes away and there is freedom to live in peace.

Chasing perfection puts all the pressure on us.  

Perfection

• All about me
• What I do
• If I obey - God will love me.
• I must win God’s approval

But living under God’s grace takes the pressure off because…

Grace

• All about Jesus
• What Jesus has done
• God loves me - I can obey
• I have God’s approval

If we can live under God’s grace, the pressure is off us to perform.  We no longer have to be perfect, but… what about what Jesus said?  He said we are to be perfect.  Yes, he did, but in many ways Jesus was talking about being perfect in love and not performance.  Matthew 5:43-48

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?  Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.  

Jesus’ call here is for us to focus on loving others - all others.  Jesus was always more interested in loving people than following the rules, in fact, His love for others caused Jesus to break all kinds of rules.  He healed on the Sabbath, He touched those sick and unclean, He forgave sinners freely and sent them off to live a new life.  Jesus chose love and calls us to choose love as well.  

Let me give you one clear example of what this might look like in our day to day lives: choose people over perfection.  Too often we miss the moments with family and friends because we are too worried about having the perfect home, or setting the perfect table, or cooking the perfect meal.  If you get so stressed out when people come to visit that you can’t enjoy the visit - or the people - you are choosing perfection over people.  Jesus tells us the better choice is always to choose people.

The best story that illustrates this comes from Luke 10.  Jesus has gone to visit his friends Mary and Martha, and when he arrives, Martha is trying to do everything she can to make the visit perfect.  She has cleaned and cooked and is now in the kitchen serving Jesus and his followers.  She is striving to make sure everything is perfect and in her pursuit of perfection, she is upset that her sister Mary is not helping her make things perfect.  Martha is an internal perfectionist and an others oriented perfectionist and she is doing all she can to make the evening perfect, and into her whirlwind of activity, Jesus says, My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:41-42 (NLT)

Martha was chasing after the perfect evening for Jesus, Mary was loving Jesus.  Jesus didn’t care about how clean the house was, or how perfect the meal looked, He was there to spend time with His friends.  Don’t sacrifice the relationships with those you love for a false reality of perfection.  Things won’t be perfect, so live in God’s love and pursue loving others.  Choose people over perfection.  

The bottom line is that we often chase perfection in order to be loved and accepted and when it comes to God, we are already loved and accepted.  With faith in Jesus, we have already been made right with God by God’s grace and there is nothing more we can do or need to do.  Today, Jesus is calling us to choose the perfect love of God over the perfectionism we often strive for. There is not one thing you can do today to make God love you more.  There is no work you can do that will help God accept you more.  The pressure is off - we don’t need to perform - we need to step into God’s love and be set free.  We need to step into God’s love and learn how to really love others.  Stop chasing perfection and step into the full embrace of God’s perfect love. 

 

Next Steps

Chasing Perfection

What situations bring out your inner perfectionist?

There are three types of perfectionism: self-oriented, externally-oriented, and others-oriented. When was the last time you struggled with one of these kinds of perfectionism?  How did the struggle make you feel?

In what ways might perfectionism mask insecurity? How have you seen this play out in your own life?

Read Romans 3:20-22. 

Why might it be difficult to accept that we are perfected not through our own efforts, but through our faith in Christ?

How can we focus on Christ and the work He’s doing in our lives rather than on our desire to make ourselves better on our own?

How can accepting God’s grace set us free to live in peace?

Read Luke 10:38-42.  

How was Martha’s perfectionism keeping her from Jesus?  When has it kept you from Jesus?  

How can we prioritize loving others over chasing perfection this week?

Dig Deeper:

Read Matthew 5:43-48.  

Do you think Jesus is talking about perfect performance and actions or perfect love?  

What do you think perfect love looks like in our lives?  

How can God’s perfect love cast out our fear and insecurities so we can love more completely?