No Offense - Week 4

 

This month we have heard that being offended is inevitable.  It is going to happen to us and in our culture today, it will probably happen often.  Being offended is inevitable but living offended is a choice.  We can choose to be constantly offended by everyone and everything around us that doesn’t line up with our own beliefs and practices, or we can learn how to be quick to listen to others and then slow to speak.  We can remind ourselves that we are not always right and even if we are right we often do the wrong thing, so in humility, we need to be kind and compassionate.  As we finish up today, we are going to hear that what it really takes for us to live unoffended lives is forgiveness.  

There are many passages that talk about forgiveness. We are going to look at one from the NT book of Colossians.  

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.  Colossians 1:13-14

The word rescued here really means to be snatched from harm’s way.  Think of a parent snatching a child from a dangerous or even deadly situation.  That is what God has done for us.  God’s forgiveness has saved us from the penalty of sin which is death and darkness and separation from God.  God’s forgiveness not only saves us, but it brings us into a new kingdom, the kingdom of Jesus, and the kingdom of Jesus, the kingdom of God, is all about forgiveness.  

We are forgiven by God and then we are called to forgive others.  The vertical and horizontal nature of forgiveness forms a cross which shows us the lengths God is willing to go to forgive us.  If God was willing to go to the cross to forgive us, we should be willing to forgive others.  Over and over, Jesus said that we are to forgive others, and in the model of prayer He gave to His disciples, that we still use today, it says, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.  Jesus is clear that forgiveness is the foundation of our faith and if we are not willing to forgive those who sin against us, God is not able to forgive us.  

Forgiveness is a key element of our faith, and it is essential if we aren’t going to be continually offended by others, but forgiveness is not easy.  It’s not easy to forgive those who have hurt us and those who have deeply offended us.  It’s not easy to let go of our anger before the sun goes down so that we don’t hold on to being offended and allow that bitterness to poison our lives.  Anger does not produce the righteousness that God wants, so we have to learn to forgive, but it is not easy, and it is really not easy when we find ourselves having to forgive the same person over and over and over.    

One day Peter came to Jesus and asked Him how many times he have to forgive someone.  Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?  Matthew 18:21

Wouldn’t you love to know the backstory of this question?  Who was Peter thinking about when he asked this?  Who was he struggling with?  Who had offended Peter over and over again that he may have just wanted to walk away?  While we don’t know the answer to those questions, we can relate with Peter’s.  How many times do we have to forgive those who hurt us, offend us, and make us angry?  

The response from Jesus is challenging because He doesn’t say 7 times, or even 70 times, but 70 x 70 times.  Even that answer doesn’t mean we can forgive someone 4,900 times and then hold on to the offense, it means we forgive them every time.  We are always to forgive those who offend and hurt us and the reason we are to always forgive is because God always forgives us.  

What helps us lean into forgiving others is knowing that God has forgiven us.  To give us a perspective on God’s forgiveness of us that can help us forgive others, Jesus told this story.

The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denari.  He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.  His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’  In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.  Matthew 18:23-35

The basics of the story are pretty clear.  A servant begged his master to forgive a large debt and the master did.  That same servant then came across a friend who owed him some money and the friend begged him for forgiveness, but the servant refused. When the master heard about the unforgiving attitude and action of the servant he had forgiven, he was angry and had that servant thrown in jail until he could pay his debt in full.

In the story, we are the servant and God is the master.  When we ask God to forgive us and have mercy upon us, God is willing and He forgives ALL our sin.  All that we have thought, said, and done that has not lined up with God’s will and desire is forgiven and we are set free.  We are snatched from the penalty of our sin which is death and moved into the kingdom of Jesus which is all about forgiveness.  In this kingdom we are now expected to forgive others.  

The motivation for us to forgive others is made clear when we look at the details of the story and put it into today’s context.  First let’s look at the debt owed to the servant.  The friend owed the servant 100 denari.  One denari was the value of a day's wage and today, in PA, the average daily wage is $235.  So, 100 x 235 = $23,500.  

$23,500 is a significant debt that many of us would have a hard time forgiving.  So the debt is substantial, it is important.  We can understand why the servant might not have wanted to just let his friend go without paying, but what was that debt in comparison to the debt the servant had forgiven by his master?

The servant owed his master 10,000 talents  One talent equals 6,000 denari so again, using today’s wages in PA:

235 x 6,000 x 10,000 = 14,100,000,000  

14 billion, 100 million dollars!  How did the servant ever accumulate that much debt?  What did he spend it on?  What was his life like?  How in the world did he think he was ever going to be able to pay it back?  Remember, he told the master, just be patient and I’ll pay it all back.  There was no way he was ever going to be able to pay off that debt. And this is where we are.  

There is no way we can ever repay God for our sin.  There is no way we can make things right with God on our own.  We can’t pay the debt, so God paid it for us and it didn’t cost God $14 billion, it cost God much more because it cost Him His one and only son.  That was the price God paid to cancel our debt.  

God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son so that whoever believes in him might not perish but have everlasting life.  John 3:16

When we couldn’t pay the debt of our sin, Jesus paid it all.  The final word of Jesus on the cross was the single word, tetelesti which is translated, it is finished, but would be better translated, paid in full.  We are forgiven completely.  We are rescued from the kingdom of death and darkness and placed into the kingdom of Jesus which is all about redemption and the forgiveness of sin.  We are forgiven and now we are called to forgive. Even when the price of forgiveness is high and the offense is strong and the hurt is deep, we are called to forgive.

One of the attitudes that kills our desire to forgive is pride.  When we begin to think that our sin isn’t as bad as what people have done to us, we begin to feel that it’s ok to hold on to our offense and demand an apology.  The servant actually thought his debt of $14 billion was less than the $23,000 he was owed.  His pride blinded him to his own sin.  As significant as $23,500 is, it is nothing compared to $14 Billion.  When we keep this perspective, it helps us remain humble and willing to forgive all those who sin against us.  

While pride can kill forgiveness, peace comes with forgiveness.  First, there is peace that comes when we know that we are forgiven by God.  John Wesley said that when he was assured that God had forgiven his sin and that he was fully saved through Jesus Christ, his heart was strangely warmed.  He had peace.   I have listened to many people who knew they were near death and talked about the peace they had because they trusted God to forgive them.  They knew they hadn’t lived perfect lives, they knew they had sinned often and fallen short of God’s glory but they also knew they were forgiven and so had great peace.   

Not only is there peace when we know we are forgiven but there is also peace that comes when we forgive others.  We often think that not forgiving someone is only hurting them or only causing them harm, but in reality, the only person hurt by not having mercy and offering forgiveness is ourselves.  

You may have heard the expression that not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  An unforgiving spirit doesn’t do anything to the person we are holding a grudge against, it only poisons our heart and life.  Not being willing to forgive only destroys us.  God even says that if we are not willing to forgive others, He cannot forgive us.  If we are not willing to forgive others, then we can’t fully live in the kingdom of God, but when we forgive, we experience a peace that passes our understanding.  

And finally, the power and love of God are unleashed in this world when we forgive.  43 years ago this month, the world was shocked by the news of an assassination attempt on Pope John Paul II.  While pictures of the pope after he was shot spread around the world, it was not those pictures that most people now remember, what people remember is this:

In 1983, two years after he was shot, Pope John Paul II visited the man who tried to take his life and the Pope personally and publicly forgave him.  I was in college at the time and growing in my faith and I remember seeing this picture and realizing that this is what forgiveness looks like.  

This is Jesus saying, father forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.  This is what forgiving those who have deeply hurt and offended us looks like.  This is what the kingdom of God looks like.  This image has always been a powerful reminder to me of just how much we are called to forgive all those who have offended, hurt, and harmed us. Yes, it really does go this deep.   

23 years later there was another powerful picture of what forgiveness looks like when an Amish community was thrust into the spotlight of the world media when they reached out to the family of the man who shot 10 children in their school, killing 5 of them.  The story of the Amish community in Nickel Mines, PA, has been shared around the world as an example of how God calls us to forgive.  

In a recording on Story Corp, the mother of the shooter, Terri Roberts, shared that at the private funeral of her son, 30 Amish men slowly appeared in the cemetery and formed a half circle around their family.  It was an act of forgiveness and grace that surrounded them and began a process of healing for them all.  An Amish farmer in Nickel Mines later said, this forgiveness story made more of a witness for us all over the world than anything else we can ever do.

Every time we forgive someone, it is a powerful witness to the grace, love, and mercy of God.  Every time we are willing to let go of anger, stop being offended, and forgive those who have sinned against us, we are shining the light of Jesus into our world and showing the world what the kingdom of God really looks like.  When we are willing to stop being offended and offer mercy and grace to others, when we forgive, we allow the light of Christ to change our own lives and change our world.  

Next Steps

No Offense - Week 4

A key to living an unoffended life is to forgive.

Read Colossians 1:13-14.  

What does this tell us about God’s forgiveness and our need to forgive?  

Read Matthew 18:23-35.

● Reflect on all the ways God has forgiven you.  

● What offenses and sins have you been unwilling to forgive and why?  

● How does Jesus' parable motivate you to forgive others? 

● How can you extend grace and mercy to others this week?

What stores of forgiveness have motivated you to forgive?  

Check out these amazing stories from storycorp.org.

Their choice to allow life… - Terri Roberts  

I just hugged the man who murdered my son - Mary Johnson

Both ends of a gun - Tony Hicks & Azim Khamisa

For more stories check out theforgivenessproject.com

How can your own story of being forgiven and forgiving others be a witness to the transforming power of God’s love and grace?  

No Offense - Week 3

 A few weeks ago, I was watching a news show where they had two people from different political perspectives talking about an issue.  This wasn’t a show set up to create division and drama, it was actually a show to promote dialogue and discussion.  I don’t remember what the issue was, but I do remember that they each shared their views and then realized that they both believed that what they were saying was right and the other person was wrong.  It wasn’t that they held different opinions on a topic or had different solutions to a problem, they each genuinely believed that the truth they held was not the truth that the other held.  In a good-natured way, they said, and this is the problem we have as a nation. 

 If we have strong personal, political, social, economic, and theological beliefs, then deep down we believe, with certainty, that we are right and if others don’t see it our way, then they are wrong.  There is no problem with this kind of certainty.  Having confidence in what we believe is a good thing, but is the most important thing in life being right?  Is our highest priority in life to be right? 

 Jesus was surrounded by a lot of people who believed they were right about everything, and for the most part, they were.  They were called Pharisees.  These were religious leaders who really did know everything about the law, and they knew which of the 600+ laws you needed to follow and when.  They believed they were smarter, more faithful, and just better than those around them.  Because of how they saw themselves, it was easy for them to look down on those who believed, lived, and acted differently.  One day, when Jesus was surrounded by people who had this kind of confidence and knew they were right, He told them this parable. 

 Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”  Luke 18:10-14

 The Pharisee in Jesus' story would have been a visibly righteous man.  He would have made a show of following all of God's law and made sure that people knew that he not only knew all the laws to follow but that he was faithful and obedient in following them.  The Pharisee says to God, thank you that I know what is right and that I do what is right and that I am not like those around me who are sinners.   

 The tax collector would have been a visible sinner.  Everyone knew who the tax collector was in town, and they were despised because they were seen as traitors to God’s people.  Tax collectors worked with the Roman government, the enemy of Israel, and they often cheated their own family and friends to get what they needed to give to Rome and then have what they wanted for themselves.  They were known to everyone, and everyone knew them as sinners.  In Jesus' parable, when it came time to pray, the tax collector begged for mercy because of his sin. 

 The Pharisee said, I’m righteous and he’s a sinner.  The tax collector said, I’m a sinner and I know it.  I need God’s grace.  Jesus said to those who were always interested in being right that it was the tax collector who was justified.  It was the tax collector who God honored.  It was the tax collector who was right. 

 In telling this parable, Jesus is telling us that life and faith is not just about what’s right and wrong, it’s also pride and humility.  God isn’t just concerned about whether we know what is right and wrong, and always do what is right, He is also concerned about how we love and care for others.  He is concerned about whether we are trusting in ourselves for salvation or if we are trusting in Him. He is concerned about how we see ourselves and how we see others.  Being right may not be as important as the attitude of our heart. 

 This isn’t to diminish what we believe is right and wrong or how we believe God calls us to live.  As followers of Jesus, we do believe that the way Jesus lived is important and that the truth Jesus taught is absolute truth.  Jesus even said, I am the way and the truth and the life.  So, believing and sharing and teaching the truth is important.  Knowing what is right and wrong is important.  What we need to be careful of is slipping into an attitude of feeling like we are always right, which allows us to look down on those who for whatever reason might disagree. 

 When we are constantly offended by the views of others because we believe our views to be right and they are wrong, it’s easy to grow in our contempt for them.  If you see a friend share all kinds of political messages on social media that you don’t agree with, or that offend you, it’s easy to begin to not just hate what they post but to hate them.  How can they believe those things?  How can they be so wrong?  We might start out by thinking that they are just misinformed but then we might shift to thinking that they are bad. 

 Let me bring this home to the church and what we need to guard against.  In the church, we are guardians of the way, truth and life of Jesus so part of what we do is assess situations and teachings and movements.  We ask ourselves if what we hear is true and in line with Jesus?  Is the way of others truly the way of Jesus?  It’s important to evaluate and assess what we see going on, but it can be easy for us to slip from assessing things to judging things.  It’s very easy to go from assessing people to judging them and then looking down on them. 

 This is what the Pharisees were doing at the time of Jesus.  They knew what was right about all things in the law.  They knew all the ways people had to follow the law.  They judged what was acceptable and not acceptable for people under the law.  The problem was that in time they started to care more about the law than the people.  They looked with contempt at anyone who they knew was wrong and it can be easy for us to do the same thing. 

 One reason it is so easy for us to go from assessing truth to having contempt for others is because we are all sinners, and our hearts are easily deceived.   The Bible says the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Jeremiah 17:9.  As right as we think we are, we might actually be wrong.  If our views aren’t wrong, then maybe our approach in dealing with the situation is wrong.  Are we as loving and gracious and kind as we need to be?  Are we more concerned about being right and being seen by others as being right or are we more focused on loving others in a way that makes a difference? 

 Jesus wasn’t just concerned about what was right and wrong, He was also concerned about pride and humility.  Don’t be so sure of being right that you end up being wrong.  Let me say that again, don’t be so sure of being right that you end up being wrong.  People were not drawn to Jesus because of how right He was but because of how loving and gracious He was.  Sinners were drawn to Jesus not because He told them what was right and wrong and how they had to live their lives but because He showed them how much He loved them. 

 Look at some of the examples of Jesus’ life where if He had only been concerned about what was right, things would have looked very different. 

 Jesus was known for going to parties at the homes of sinners where there was a lot of eating and drinking.  This kind of association for a righteous person was wrong and if Jesus had gone to these homes and told everyone they were wrong and that they needed to change how they were living, He never would have been invited back.  But He was invited back and in time His love for people began to make a difference. 

At one dinner, a prostitute crashed the meal and poured oil all over Jesus' head and then wiped His feet with her tears.  The homeowner had contempt for the woman and even questioned what kind of man Jesus was because He allowed this well-known sinner to do this.  What Jesus did was wrong, but His love and acceptance of this woman and her gift made a difference. 

 On His way to Jerusalem, Jesus passed through a town and saw a tax collector that everyone knew.  Jesus said, I want to eat at your house today, and so He went and ate with Zacchaeus.  This wasn’t the right thing to do, and yet because He did it, it made a difference in the tax collector’s life.  He changed his ways and honored God.

 On a hot afternoon, Jesus stopped to rest at a well and saw a woman gathering water.  She was there at noon because none of the righteous women in town wanted to associate with her.  Her lifestyle was wrong.  She had had too many husbands and had given up on marriage all together so was now just living with a man.  Jesus shouldn’t have spoken to her, but He did.  He wasn’t worried about being right, He wanted to love her and see if that love would make a difference, and it did. 

 People weren’t drawn to Jesus because He was right and told them how wrong they were and that that needed to change, they were drawn to Him because of how His love made them feel. They felt honored, valued, cared for and included by Jesus and that unconditional love made the difference.  As followers of Jesus, we need to remember that the world isn’t going to be drawn to Jesus because of how right we are.  They are drawn to Jesus because of how our love for them makes them feel. 

 One of the final words Jesus gave his disciples was this,

My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come.

 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.  John 13:33-35

 Jesus shared this with His disciples after the Last Supper.  He only had a few more hours with them and He was speaking with incredible love and compassion.  When Jesus said, my children, the word for children is an intimate word a father would use to talk to his children.  It is the only time Jesus used this word.  He is speaking to them as God the Father saying, my children, the world will know you are my disciples if you will love one another.  It’s not about being right or wrong, it's also about pride and humility.  It’s about showing love. 

 If our priority and posture is to always be right, this is what happens:

  I’m right! 

 

It’s a vicious circle. 

 Jesus was the only truly right person who ever lived.  He was absolute truth and righteousness  He is the only one who can be morally superior and judge people's actions and attitudes and He is the only one who could have chosen to be angry and offended, but Jesus chose not to live that way.  We have to choose a different way. 

 Instead of a priority and posture of being right, what if we chose a priority and posture of gratitude.

I’m forgiven!

Jesus didn’t draw people to himself, or into a relationship with God, because of how right He was.  If Jesus, who was always right, didn’t do that, how can we possibly think we can draw people to Him by how right we are when we aren’t always going to be right.  We change people by loving them, not by judging them. 

 The first part of 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter, goes like this,

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  1 Corinthians 13:1-2

 If I have all knowledge and speak all that is true but do not have love, I am nothing.  Love is what makes the difference.  Truth and wisdom are needed, but without love they are nothing.  As the church, we need to lead with love.  We need to prioritize love.  We don’t give up on the truth.  We don’t let go of our faith and the way of Jesus; we just choose to begin from a place of love knowing that it was love that changed our lives. 

 What helps me grow in faith is not hearing people tell me what is right and wrong but by experiencing the love of Jesus in them.  When love draws us closer to Jesus, then His love has the power to make a difference.  So, let’s prioritize love and allow the love of God flowing through us to change our world. 

 

Next Steps

No Offense - Week 3

 

Read Luke 18:10-14

●     Where do you feel right and justified in pointing out what is wrong? 

●     How does Jesus show us that pride and humility are equally important?

●     Where might pride be an issue in your life?

●     Where is humility needed?

 Read Jeremiah 17:9. 

●     Why do we need to be careful about feeling so “right” about things? 

●     When have you been right about something but then either been wrong or done the wrong thing?

 Look at these examples of Jesus prioritizing love.

●     Matthew 9:10-17 - Jesus eats and drinks with sinners.

●     Luke 7:35-50 - Jesus anointed by a sinful woman. 

●     Luke 19:1-10 - Jesus eats with a tax collector.

●     John 4:4-42 - Jesus and the woman at the well.

How does each story show Jesus' priority of love?

How can these examples shape our attitudes and actions?

 How can you prioritize forgiveness and grace? 

No Offense - Week 2

 I want you all to know how glad I am that you are here today.  Seriously.  Last week we started a message series on how to deal with being offended and some of what I said might have offended you, but if you were offended, you came back and that means a lot to me.  It means that together we understand that we are all sinners and that all of us are nothing without the grace of God.  It also means that we love God and each other enough to stay connected and united in the body of Christ. 

 This week I have worked hard at being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry knowing that these 3 things can help keep me from being offended and holding on to anger.  Today we are going to learn how to best deal with “those people.”  You know who I’m talking about…  They are young and think they know everything AND they are old and because they have been around so long, they think they know everything.  They are the ones who know they are right and will tell you that they know they are right and will be quick to point out all the ways that you are wrong. They have an opinion on everything and always know more than you.  

 We find “those people” on every side of political issues, social issues, theological issues and in every family.  We find them at work, in schools, in our neighborhoods and community organizations and yes, we find them in the church.  We all know one of “those people” and if you can’t think of anyone like that right now, you might be one of them. 

 The Bible is clear about how we are to handle “those people”, we are to love them.  We are to love our neighbor, love our enemies, and love “those people”. God knew we would have to love “those people” so He gave us some clear instructions on how to do it. 

 In your anger do not sin.  Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold… 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Ephesians 4:26-27, 29, 31-32

 The first thing we hear in this passage is that getting angry is not a sin.  Anger itself is not a sin which is good because there are a lot of things in this world that get us angry.  Getting angry isn’t a sin, but holding on to it is.  Last week we heard that holding on to anger does not produce the righteousness God wants from us.  Being angry never brings us closer to God.  There is no victory for us in being angry, so we have to learn how to let it go.

 Being offended is inevitable in this world, but living offended day after day is a choice.  We are going to get offended and run into those people that will get us angry and frustrated and irritated and we can hold on to that anger or learn to let it go.  If we choose to hold on to our anger, Paul says we are giving the devil a foothold.

 I don’t know what you think about when you think of a foothold.  You might think of it as the devil sticking his foot in the door so he can try and enter, but the Greek word for foothold is topos which means a place or a room.  When we choose to hold on to anger, we are making a place for the devil to live in our lives.  We are setting up a guest room for the father of all lies to live in us and from this room he will go everywhere we go and work to destroy everything. 

 There are three significant ways that the devil seeks to destroy us. 

Division.  The devil takes delight when he can divide a family, a group of friends, a community, a nation, and a church.  To be honest, it seems like he is having a pretty easy time with this today.  All around us we see division and people setting up their camps.  I don’t mean the encampments we see on college campuses right now, although those are a great image of what we all tend to do.  We set up our tents around our issues and then don’t want to associate with anyone else.  We don’t want to listen to others or associate with others.  We are divided. 

In our families, it seems easier to walk away from those who think differently than we do than to have to associate with them. At work we just avoid “those people” and divide into our own little cliques.  Our nation is divided, and it is hurting us in all kinds of ways.  It is making us weaker and less able to work on the bigger problems we need to fix.  And yes, churches are dividing.  Jesus prayed that we would all be one, but we are no longer one and at times we are no longer interested in trying to be one body in Christ.  Being constantly offended and angry makes it easier for us to divide and when we do this, the devil wins. 

 Distraction.  The devil also works to distract us from our mission.  When we are offended and angry, it means we are focused on things that aren’t as important as our mission to love God and love others.  Jesus told us the greatest commandment was to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and our neighbor as ourselves.  As long as we are looking at the sins of others, the offenses we have experienced, and the anger we feel, we are not focused on the larger work God has called us to. 

 Discredit.  If the devil can keep us angry, then we aren’t living in righteousness and we aren’t showing the world to see the love and grace of Jesus.  Our witness is discredited.  No one will see us as a follower of Jesus if we remain critical and judgmental. Jesus was clear that we show the world that we are His disciples by our love for one another. 

 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.  John 13:34-35

 The world doesn’t see us as followers of Jesus because we are right but because we love.  If the world can’t see us love one another then they can’t see Jesus in us.  If we are only interested in holding on to anger and being offended, or showing how right we are and wrong everyone else is, people will never see Jesus in us.

Remaining offended means that we have exchanged love for a critical spirit and that only leads to more division and more distraction from our mission.  This is why Paul said,

Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. 

 The day of our hurt should be the day of our healing.  In a marriage or family, the same day you are offended should be the day you begin to seek reconciliation, forgiveness, and peace.  At work, on a team, in the church, the same day of our hurt should be the same day we work to forgive and heal.  Paul tells us one way to do this is to watch what we say to others. 

 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

 As we work for healing in a relationship, we need to make sure that our words lift people up and don't tear them down.  Here are some good principles to help strengthen and heal any relationship.

 Never call people names. There really is no place for this in a marriage or family or at work.  There is no love for others in name calling and it is never a pathway for peace. 

 Never raise your voice.  It’s not always easy to keep our emotions in check, but the less we raise our voice and show our irritation and anger we might feel, the more we can work on healing.

 Never get historical.  Don’t bring up past hurts and problems.  Keep focused on the present and how to move forward into the future. 

 Never say “never” or “always”.  First of all, it’s never true… Ok, maybe I shouldn’t say that, but saying that someone always does or says something, or never does or says something usually isn’t accurate nor helpful. 

 Never give an ultimatum.  Threatening a divorce, or to quit your job, or to walk away never allows room for healing and new life.  We need to allow for love and grace to work in our relationships and not slam the door shut too early by giving an ultimatum. 

 There are more ways our words can tear people down and it seems like we intuitively know what these are and that’s often where we go first.  What is harder is to not allow any unwholesome talk to come from our mouths but only what is useful in building others up.  Not just those we like and agree with, but all people, even “those people.”

 There will also be times when we will be tempted to hold on to our anger because we feel it is justified and righteous.  We know we are right, and others are wrong, and we want to defend all the ways we know we are right or point out all the ways that others have hurt and offended us.  We hold on to the anger and call it righteous anger, but holding onto anger in any form can be dangerous. 

 In the early church they set up a list of some of the most destructive attitudes and behaviors found in scripture and called them the seven deadly sins.  While this list is not found in the Bible, each of these sins gets a lot of time and attention because of how they destroy us. 

Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Sloth, Wrath (Anger)

 In different ways, all of us deal with these things in life.  We will all wrestle with pride, or greed, or lust and having that feeling itself isn’t sin, but holding on to it and acting on it, is.  It’s interesting that we will talk about righteous anger as a way for us to justify, defend and hold on to anger or viewpoint, but we never talk about righteous envy, or righteous lust, or righteous pride.  We aren’t willing to hold on to any of those sins, but somehow, we feel it is ok for us to hold on to our anger - but it’s not.  Anger will slowly destroy us and others which is why Paul said,

 Get rid of ALL bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 

All anger has to go.  All bitterness and rage has to go.  We can’t hold on to any of it no matter how righteous we may think it is.  There is no room for feeling morally superior to others, or critical of others, or harsh with others.  It all has to go and in the place of our anger Paul says we need to love. 

 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 

 To be kind and compassionate with others we have to be willing to get close to them.  We can’t be kind with people from a distance.  We can’t show compassion when we aren’t willing to be in the same room with one another or be willing to associate with one another.  Compassion requires relationships.  Kindness requires us to walk with one another.  If we get offended and leave, then we shut the door for God’s grace and love to be shared. We can’t be kind and compassionate with people if we aren’t willing to stay close to them. 

 We often say that we have compassion for those who think, believe, and live differently than we do, but if we aren't willing to be close to them, to be in relationship with them, to be friends with them, we can’t truly love them.  We have become so divided as a world that we have separated ourselves from everyone who thinks differently than we do and when that happens, we can’t really show them compassion or kindness. 

 Local churches tend to be places where we all look, act, think, and believe the same way, but I’m not sure this is what God intended.  It is comforting to have a place where we feel accepted and where we belong, but if we only welcome those who look and act and think like we do, what have we really done?  The kingdom of God is so much bigger, and the church needs to learn how to be so much bigger - but it can be hard and messy and uncomfortable. 

 When Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, he was trying to hold together people who had very different views on sin and grace.  One group said everyone needed to follow the law and they wanted to outline what was and wasn’t sin.  The other group said there was freedom in Christ, and we don’t need to follow the law.  They both had valid points to make.  Both sides needed to listen to the other. 

 Paul worked hard to try and hold very different people together as one body of Christ.  I wonder if we have chosen to give up on that ideal.  It’s too hard, too difficult, too messy to stay together and love each other.  It’s just easier to be with people who look and think and act and believe the way I do.  It’s easier to walk away than to stay close, but if we are going to show kindness and compassion, we have to stay close and not be offended and hold on to anger but allow God to lead us into paths of love and grace. 

 I want to share with you a prayer that can help us do just that, stay close to one another and learn to live with “those people.”  It’s found in Psalm 139:23-24

 Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

 God, show me how and when and where I am one of those people who offend others by my pride and arrogance and critical spirit.  And when I am confronted by those people, don’t let me hold on to it and give the devil a place to live in my life.  Don’t allow me to be the one who is dividing and distracting the world and discrediting my witness to your love and grace. 

 Remind me God that I will be offended in life, it is inevitable, but living offended is a choice.  Search  me and see if this is a choice I am making today, and if I am, lead me in a way of love and grace that leads to life and life everlasting. 

 

Next Steps

No Offense - Dealing with “Those People”

 We all have “those people” we struggle with.  Who are “those people” in your life?  Why is it difficult for you to deal with them?  How might you be one of “those people” to others?

 Read Ephesians 4:26-27, 29, 31-32

What offense and anger are you holding on to?

How is this creating space for the devil to operate in your life? 

 The devil seeks to destroy us through:

Division  

Where do you see division taking place in your family?  At work? Among friends?  In the community?

What anger and offense might be causing this division?

What can you do to heal this division and work for unity?

 Distraction

What is distracting you from the larger purposes God has for you?  Is any of this coming from unresolved anger? 

What priorities do you need to set for your faith, your family, your work? 

What can you do to help keep others focused on what is ultimately important.

 Discrediting your witness to Jesus

Read John 13:34-35.  Jesus said the world will know we belong to Him because we love God and others. 

Is your love for God and others pointing people to Jesus? 

 Use this prayer from Psalm 239:23-24 to keep you from being one of “those people.”

Search me, God, and know my heart; 

test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.