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This month we have heard that being offended is inevitable. It is going to happen to us and in our culture today, it will probably happen often. Being offended is inevitable but living offended is a choice. We can choose to be constantly offended by everyone and everything around us that doesn’t line up with our own beliefs and practices, or we can learn how to be quick to listen to others and then slow to speak. We can remind ourselves that we are not always right and even if we are right we often do the wrong thing, so in humility, we need to be kind and compassionate. As we finish up today, we are going to hear that what it really takes for us to live unoffended lives is forgiveness.
There are many passages that talk about forgiveness. We are going to look at one from the NT book of Colossians.
For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14
The word rescued here really means to be snatched from harm’s way. Think of a parent snatching a child from a dangerous or even deadly situation. That is what God has done for us. God’s forgiveness has saved us from the penalty of sin which is death and darkness and separation from God. God’s forgiveness not only saves us, but it brings us into a new kingdom, the kingdom of Jesus, and the kingdom of Jesus, the kingdom of God, is all about forgiveness.
We are forgiven by God and then we are called to forgive others. The vertical and horizontal nature of forgiveness forms a cross which shows us the lengths God is willing to go to forgive us. If God was willing to go to the cross to forgive us, we should be willing to forgive others. Over and over, Jesus said that we are to forgive others, and in the model of prayer He gave to His disciples, that we still use today, it says, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Jesus is clear that forgiveness is the foundation of our faith and if we are not willing to forgive those who sin against us, God is not able to forgive us.
Forgiveness is a key element of our faith, and it is essential if we aren’t going to be continually offended by others, but forgiveness is not easy. It’s not easy to forgive those who have hurt us and those who have deeply offended us. It’s not easy to let go of our anger before the sun goes down so that we don’t hold on to being offended and allow that bitterness to poison our lives. Anger does not produce the righteousness that God wants, so we have to learn to forgive, but it is not easy, and it is really not easy when we find ourselves having to forgive the same person over and over and over.
One day Peter came to Jesus and asked Him how many times he have to forgive someone. Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times? Matthew 18:21
Wouldn’t you love to know the backstory of this question? Who was Peter thinking about when he asked this? Who was he struggling with? Who had offended Peter over and over again that he may have just wanted to walk away? While we don’t know the answer to those questions, we can relate with Peter’s. How many times do we have to forgive those who hurt us, offend us, and make us angry?
The response from Jesus is challenging because He doesn’t say 7 times, or even 70 times, but 70 x 70 times. Even that answer doesn’t mean we can forgive someone 4,900 times and then hold on to the offense, it means we forgive them every time. We are always to forgive those who offend and hurt us and the reason we are to always forgive is because God always forgives us.
What helps us lean into forgiving others is knowing that God has forgiven us. To give us a perspective on God’s forgiveness of us that can help us forgive others, Jesus told this story.
The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denari. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:23-35
The basics of the story are pretty clear. A servant begged his master to forgive a large debt and the master did. That same servant then came across a friend who owed him some money and the friend begged him for forgiveness, but the servant refused. When the master heard about the unforgiving attitude and action of the servant he had forgiven, he was angry and had that servant thrown in jail until he could pay his debt in full.
In the story, we are the servant and God is the master. When we ask God to forgive us and have mercy upon us, God is willing and He forgives ALL our sin. All that we have thought, said, and done that has not lined up with God’s will and desire is forgiven and we are set free. We are snatched from the penalty of our sin which is death and moved into the kingdom of Jesus which is all about forgiveness. In this kingdom we are now expected to forgive others.
The motivation for us to forgive others is made clear when we look at the details of the story and put it into today’s context. First let’s look at the debt owed to the servant. The friend owed the servant 100 denari. One denari was the value of a day's wage and today, in PA, the average daily wage is $235. So, 100 x 235 = $23,500.
$23,500 is a significant debt that many of us would have a hard time forgiving. So the debt is substantial, it is important. We can understand why the servant might not have wanted to just let his friend go without paying, but what was that debt in comparison to the debt the servant had forgiven by his master?
The servant owed his master 10,000 talents One talent equals 6,000 denari so again, using today’s wages in PA:
235 x 6,000 x 10,000 = 14,100,000,000
14 billion, 100 million dollars! How did the servant ever accumulate that much debt? What did he spend it on? What was his life like? How in the world did he think he was ever going to be able to pay it back? Remember, he told the master, just be patient and I’ll pay it all back. There was no way he was ever going to be able to pay off that debt. And this is where we are.
There is no way we can ever repay God for our sin. There is no way we can make things right with God on our own. We can’t pay the debt, so God paid it for us and it didn’t cost God $14 billion, it cost God much more because it cost Him His one and only son. That was the price God paid to cancel our debt.
God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son so that whoever believes in him might not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16
When we couldn’t pay the debt of our sin, Jesus paid it all. The final word of Jesus on the cross was the single word, tetelesti which is translated, it is finished, but would be better translated, paid in full. We are forgiven completely. We are rescued from the kingdom of death and darkness and placed into the kingdom of Jesus which is all about redemption and the forgiveness of sin. We are forgiven and now we are called to forgive. Even when the price of forgiveness is high and the offense is strong and the hurt is deep, we are called to forgive.
One of the attitudes that kills our desire to forgive is pride. When we begin to think that our sin isn’t as bad as what people have done to us, we begin to feel that it’s ok to hold on to our offense and demand an apology. The servant actually thought his debt of $14 billion was less than the $23,000 he was owed. His pride blinded him to his own sin. As significant as $23,500 is, it is nothing compared to $14 Billion. When we keep this perspective, it helps us remain humble and willing to forgive all those who sin against us.
While pride can kill forgiveness, peace comes with forgiveness. First, there is peace that comes when we know that we are forgiven by God. John Wesley said that when he was assured that God had forgiven his sin and that he was fully saved through Jesus Christ, his heart was strangely warmed. He had peace. I have listened to many people who knew they were near death and talked about the peace they had because they trusted God to forgive them. They knew they hadn’t lived perfect lives, they knew they had sinned often and fallen short of God’s glory but they also knew they were forgiven and so had great peace.
Not only is there peace when we know we are forgiven but there is also peace that comes when we forgive others. We often think that not forgiving someone is only hurting them or only causing them harm, but in reality, the only person hurt by not having mercy and offering forgiveness is ourselves.
You may have heard the expression that not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. An unforgiving spirit doesn’t do anything to the person we are holding a grudge against, it only poisons our heart and life. Not being willing to forgive only destroys us. God even says that if we are not willing to forgive others, He cannot forgive us. If we are not willing to forgive others, then we can’t fully live in the kingdom of God, but when we forgive, we experience a peace that passes our understanding.
And finally, the power and love of God are unleashed in this world when we forgive. 43 years ago this month, the world was shocked by the news of an assassination attempt on Pope John Paul II. While pictures of the pope after he was shot spread around the world, it was not those pictures that most people now remember, what people remember is this:
In 1983, two years after he was shot, Pope John Paul II visited the man who tried to take his life and the Pope personally and publicly forgave him. I was in college at the time and growing in my faith and I remember seeing this picture and realizing that this is what forgiveness looks like.
This is Jesus saying, father forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing. This is what forgiving those who have deeply hurt and offended us looks like. This is what the kingdom of God looks like. This image has always been a powerful reminder to me of just how much we are called to forgive all those who have offended, hurt, and harmed us. Yes, it really does go this deep.
23 years later there was another powerful picture of what forgiveness looks like when an Amish community was thrust into the spotlight of the world media when they reached out to the family of the man who shot 10 children in their school, killing 5 of them. The story of the Amish community in Nickel Mines, PA, has been shared around the world as an example of how God calls us to forgive.
In a recording on Story Corp, the mother of the shooter, Terri Roberts, shared that at the private funeral of her son, 30 Amish men slowly appeared in the cemetery and formed a half circle around their family. It was an act of forgiveness and grace that surrounded them and began a process of healing for them all. An Amish farmer in Nickel Mines later said, this forgiveness story made more of a witness for us all over the world than anything else we can ever do.
Every time we forgive someone, it is a powerful witness to the grace, love, and mercy of God. Every time we are willing to let go of anger, stop being offended, and forgive those who have sinned against us, we are shining the light of Jesus into our world and showing the world what the kingdom of God really looks like. When we are willing to stop being offended and offer mercy and grace to others, when we forgive, we allow the light of Christ to change our own lives and change our world.
Next Steps
No Offense - Week 4
A key to living an unoffended life is to forgive.
Read Colossians 1:13-14.
What does this tell us about God’s forgiveness and our need to forgive?
Read Matthew 18:23-35.
● Reflect on all the ways God has forgiven you.
● What offenses and sins have you been unwilling to forgive and why?
● How does Jesus' parable motivate you to forgive others?
● How can you extend grace and mercy to others this week?
What stores of forgiveness have motivated you to forgive?
Check out these amazing stories from storycorp.org.
Their choice to allow life… - Terri Roberts
I just hugged the man who murdered my son - Mary Johnson
Both ends of a gun - Tony Hicks & Azim Khamisa
For more stories check out theforgivenessproject.com
How can your own story of being forgiven and forgiving others be a witness to the transforming power of God’s love and grace?
