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Let me start by saying that the new message series we are starting today is not in response to any of the changes made by our denomination. We set up a year's worth of series at the end of the year for the new year and this was a topic that seemed relevant to our lives. We are living in a world where we all seem to be more and more offended by everything. It doesn’t take much for people to get offended and go off on a tirade about something. We get offended by what we see in the news and some people get offended by the news channel itself. Entering a presidential election, we will be offended by a political candidate and what they say or how they live. We get offended by jokes on TV, memes we see on social media, or friends who post things contrary to our views.
Maybe the offenses were more personal, and we found out that we weren’t invited to the party, weren’t included in an email chain that talked about an upcoming event, or were overlooked or even excluded from some activity. Maybe you have been offended by what a friend said to you, or what a friend didn’t say to you, or what a friend said about you. I think it’s pretty safe to say that we have all been offended recently, and it is also pretty safe to say that some of that has probably taken place in the church.
Believe it or not, people get offended in and by the church. People get offended because of something I said, or didn’t say. They get offended when we don’t do what they want or follow through on their idea. People get offended when they aren’t personally asked to be part of an event or included in some ministry. I have probably just offended some people right now.
We are living in a culture where we are all easily offended, and it seems like it is getting worse. If we are honest, sometimes feeling offended feels good. When we feel offended, we get to feel morally superior because we know that we are right and they are wrong. We know that our views, our positions, and our way of doing things are good and right and pure and if people don’t agree with us then it’s because they are either wrong or misinformed. It can feel good to feel offended, but is it pleasing to God?
Does the anger that comes when we are offended bring glory to God? Does it honor God? Does letting people know that we have been offended help point people to Jesus? Does it draw people closer to God and fill them with joy?
Our new message series is called No Offense and it will help us look at what happens when we are easily offended and what to do with the feelings of irritation, frustration and anger that come when we are offended. If we want to know what God has to say about our being so easily offended these days, the best place to look is the New Testament book of James.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20
One of the reasons we are so easily offended is because we don’t listen to one another, we are quick to share our view and often speak over others so that our point gets made, and we are easily angered by what others say and believe and do. That is where we are as a culture, and yet what God tells us is that we need to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.
The reason we are told to live this way is because our anger does not bring about the righteousness, or the right living, that God desires. Our anger is not pleasing to God and it does not honor God. Living a life of being constantly offended is not how God wants us to live so it’s time for us to stop being offended, let go of our anger, and learn how to listen well and speak with love.
Being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry is how Jesus lived. While Jesus did talk a lot, He actually listened more than He spoke. Jesus was asked 183 questions and He answered only 3. This tells us that making a point, being heard, and being right was not the priority for Jesus. The priority for Jesus was relationship and love, that’s why He asked 307 questions.
Jesus asked these questions to draw people into conversations and dialogue. He wanted to get to know people and love people and allow that love to make a difference in their lives. Jesus didn’t care about being right all the time. If He did, He would not have eaten with sinners or touched lepers. Those things weren’t right. Jesus didn’t care about being right, He cared about loving others. We see this in one of the questions that Jesus did answer directly.
A religious leader who knew the law inside and out asked Jesus what was the greatest commandment. Jesus replied:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40
Jesus didn’t point out specific laws and commandments and say, these are the rules you have to follow. This is the right way and the wrong way to live. He told the man, and us, to love. Love God with all that you have and all that you are, and then show the world that you love God by loving your neighbor as well.
When we get offended and angry, are we more interested in showing people that we are right or that we love God? Are we more interested in winning an argument or winning people for Jesus? Does being offended help us look more like Jesus and live the life He wants us to live? Is it producing righteousness in our lives, a righteousness where people can see that God loves them?
We need to stop being offended and angry and start learning how to listen well and love others. Now I want to be clear that this doesn’t mean we have to let go of our personal views and beliefs. It doesn’t mean we have to compromise on what we believe to be God’s will and desire for us and the world, but is our highest priority and desire to be right or to love? God said the greatest commandment isn’t to be right but to love.
My hope is that this series will help us look at different ways we can let go of being offended and learn how to live more like Jesus. Today let’s look at 2 things that can help us let go of the anger that comes with being offended.
#1 Lower your expectation of others.
We shouldn’t be surprised or shocked when we are offended by people, or when we are disappointed or hurt by someone. They may not have meant to do it, but they aren’t perfect. We are all broken and sinful people. Unless you are Jesus, you aren’t perfect and so you will offend, disappoint or hurt someone at some point. Sinful people sin - and that’s all of us. We are all sinners. We need to lower our expectations of others and remember that we are all sinners in need of love, grace and forgiveness.
Jesus was never shocked or offended by the people He met. When Jesus met a woman at a well, He knew that she had had 5 husbands and that the man she was currently living with wasn’t her husband. He knew this, but He wasn’t offended by it, and He didn’t judge her, avoid her, or condemn her. He asked her for a drink of water and then offered her living water.
Jesus then told her to go and get the man she was living with and bring him back so that He could share some good news with him and offer him living water. Jesus wasn’t shocked at her living situation and He didn’t point out all the ways she was wrong and tell her to clean up her act and change her life. He offered her love and grace. He just loved her and that love changed everything.
When the disciples argued among themselves about who was the greatest and who was going to get positions of power and prestige in the kingdom that Jesus said He was building, Jesus didn’t get offended and drop them as His disciples, He kept loving them. Jesus knew this was how they would behave because He knew they were sinful people working to be more like Him.
In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus invited His disciples, actually He begged them to stay awake with Him and pray, but when they kept falling asleep, Jesus didn't get offended and storm off without them. He loved them and kept on going.
There are times we need to lower our expectations of others and remember that just like us, they are sinful people who will do sinful things. We will all fail and make mistakes and say or do something offensive. We can’t expect sinful broken people to live perfect lives, but we can learn to love and forgive one another.
#2 Raise your gratitude for God’s grace.
Since we are all sinners, we all need God’s grace and mercy. We are nothing without the grace and love of God working in our lives. The more we give thanks for God’s grace at work in our lives, the more we will patiently allow God’s grace to work in the lives of others. The truth is that the only way any of us are right with God is because God makes it possible, we are saved by grace alone.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
We are all sinners who in different ways offend God. We are only forgiven and made right with God because He has chosen to forgive us through Jesus Christ. It is by grace alone that we are saved so we can’t boast about being right or morally superior to anyone, which means that we really can’t be offended by what others have said or done. We are all sinners saved by grace and the more we remember that and focus on that grace, the more grace we can extend to others.
In the gospel of John, we hear about a group of people who were offended by the way a woman was living her life. They brought her to Jesus and told Him that the scriptures said sinful people like her should be stoned, and they all had stones ready to throw.
Jesus wasn’t surprised or shocked by the woman’s lifestyle. He wasn’t angry and upset and ready to tell her what was right and wrong. He also wasn’t shocked by the anger of the crowd who wanted to condemn her. He didn’t berate them for their lack of love and grace. Instead Jesus bent down and started to write in the dirt.
We don’t know what Jesus wrote, but many people think Jesus started to write down different sins. It wouldn’t have taken long for Jesus to hit upon the sin of each person standing there. In time, they all saw their own sin and offense toward God and others. Jesus then calmly said, Are you angry? Are you offended? Do you want to be right and show everyone that you are right? Then whoever is without sin can cast the first stone.
There are so many injustices in this world. There is so much sin and brokenness and betrayal and unfaithfulness in this world. It’s easy to feel righteous anger about it all, but angry people don’t make a difference. Angry people don’t draw people to Jesus.
Jesus didn’t call us to be right, He called us to love. It has always been my goal as a pastor to not prove a point, or declare all that is right and wrong, but to make a difference by loving God and showing the world that I love God by doing my best to love others. I honestly don’t believe it is my job to convince you to see things my way or to believe everything the way I do. My goal as a pastor, and I believe that our job as the church, is to love people enough that they can see and know for themselves the One who made a difference in my life. His name is Jesus.
In my own life, Jesus has been quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Actually, He hasn’t gotten angry at all, He has shown me nothing but love and grace and mercy and I need a lot of it every day.. I want you to know this same unconditional love of God who sees all our sin and isn’t offended by it but graciously lifts us up out of it and encourages us to go and find new life in Jesus.
If that is how Jesus lived His life, then that is how I want to live my life. I want to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry because anger, even our righteous anger, doesn’t produce the righteousness that honors and glorifies God. What does honor and glorify God, what does make a difference in the lives of others is love. Loving God and loving others.
Next Steps
No Offense - Stop Being Offended
Read James 1:19-20.
Which do you struggle with the most: being quick to listen, slow to speak, or slow to become angry? Why?
What change can you make to help you listen more? Like Jesus, ask more questions to build deeper relationships.
When have you chosen to make a difference instead of making a point? What did you learn about yourself and Jesus through that experience?
What offends you and makes you angry today? How can you drop the anger and love like Jesus in these situations?
2 things to help us be less offended:
Lower your expectations of others.
Remember that sinful people sin - and we are all sinful.
Before you judge others for what they have said or done, reflect on your own sin and failure. Humble yourself.
Reflect on these passages: Psalm 51:1-5, Proverbs 28:13-14, Romans 3:23, 1 John 1:8-10
Raise your gratitude for God’s grace.
In what ways have you experienced God’s love and grace?
Give thanks for the sins God has forgiven in your life.
Reflect on the following passages: John 3:16, Romans 5:8, Romans 6:23, Ephesians 2:8-9