I
want you all to know how glad I am that you are here today. Seriously.
Last week we started a message series on how to deal with being offended
and some of what I said might have offended you, but if you were offended, you
came back and that means a lot to me. It
means that together we understand that we are all sinners and that all of us
are nothing without the grace of God. It
also means that we love God and each other enough to stay connected and united
in the body of Christ.
This
week I have worked hard at being quick
to listen, slow to speak, and slow
to get angry knowing that these 3 things can help keep me from being
offended and holding on to anger. Today
we are going to learn how to best deal with “those people.” You know who I’m talking about… They are young and think they know everything
AND they are old and because they have been around so long, they think they
know everything. They are the ones who
know they are right and will tell you that they know they are right and will be
quick to point out all the ways that you are wrong. They have an opinion on
everything and always know more than you.
We
find “those people” on every side of political issues, social issues,
theological issues and in every family.
We find them at work, in schools, in our neighborhoods and community
organizations and yes, we find them in the church. We all know one of “those people” and if you
can’t think of anyone like that right now, you might be one of them.
The
Bible is clear about how we are to handle “those people”, we are to love
them. We are to love our neighbor, love
our enemies, and love “those people”. God knew we would have to love “those
people” so He gave us some clear instructions on how to do it.
In
your anger do not sin. Do not let the
sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a
foothold…
Do
not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful
for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who
listen…
Get
rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every
form of malice. Be kind and
compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God
forgave you. Ephesians
4:26-27, 29, 31-32
The
first thing we hear in this passage is that getting angry is not a sin. Anger itself is not a sin which is good
because there are a lot of things in this world that get us angry. Getting angry isn’t a sin, but holding on to
it is. Last week we heard that holding
on to anger does not produce the righteousness God wants from us. Being angry never brings us closer to
God. There is no victory for us in being
angry, so we have to learn how to let it go.
Being
offended is inevitable in this world, but living offended day after day is a
choice. We are going to get offended and
run into those people that will get us angry and frustrated and irritated and
we can hold on to that anger or learn to let it go. If we choose to hold on to our anger, Paul
says we are giving the devil a foothold.
I
don’t know what you think about when you think of a foothold. You might think of it as the devil sticking
his foot in the door so he can try and enter, but the Greek word for foothold
is topos
which means a place or a room. When we choose to hold on to anger, we are
making a place for the devil to live in our lives. We are setting up a guest room for the father
of all lies to live in us and from this room he will go everywhere we go and
work to destroy everything.
There
are three significant ways that the devil seeks to destroy us.
Division. The devil takes
delight when he can divide a family, a group of friends, a community, a nation,
and a church. To be honest, it seems
like he is having a pretty easy time with this today. All around us we see division and people
setting up their camps. I don’t mean the
encampments we see on college campuses right now, although those are a great
image of what we all tend to do. We set
up our tents around our issues and then don’t want to associate with anyone
else. We don’t want to listen to others
or associate with others. We are
divided.
In
our families, it seems easier to walk away from those who think differently
than we do than to have to associate with them. At work we just avoid “those
people” and divide into our own little cliques.
Our nation is divided, and it is hurting us in all kinds of ways. It is making us weaker and less able to work
on the bigger problems we need to fix.
And yes, churches are dividing.
Jesus prayed that we would all be one, but we are no longer one and at
times we are no longer interested in trying to be one body in Christ. Being constantly offended and angry makes it
easier for us to divide and when we do this, the devil wins.
Distraction. The devil also works
to distract us from our mission. When we
are offended and angry, it means we are focused on things that aren’t as
important as our mission to love God and love others. Jesus told us the greatest commandment was to
love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and our neighbor as
ourselves. As long as we are looking at
the sins of others, the offenses we have experienced, and the anger we feel, we
are not focused on the larger work God has called us to.
Discredit. If the devil can
keep us angry, then we aren’t living in righteousness and we aren’t showing the
world to see the love and grace of Jesus.
Our witness is discredited. No
one will see us as a follower of Jesus if we remain critical and judgmental.
Jesus was clear that we show the world that we are His disciples by our love
for one another.
A
new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love
one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love
one another. John
13:34-35
The
world doesn’t see us as followers of Jesus because we are right but because we
love. If the world can’t see us love one
another then they can’t see Jesus in us.
If we are only interested in holding on to anger and being offended, or
showing how right we are and wrong everyone else is, people will never see
Jesus in us.
Remaining
offended means that we have exchanged love for a critical spirit and that only
leads to more division and more distraction from our mission. This is why Paul said,
Don’t
let the sun go down on your anger.
The
day of our hurt should be the day of our healing. In a marriage or family, the same day you are
offended should be the day you begin to seek reconciliation, forgiveness, and
peace. At work, on a team, in the
church, the same day of our hurt should be the same day we work to forgive and
heal. Paul tells us one way to do this
is to watch what we say to others.
Do
not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful
for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
As
we work for healing in a relationship, we need to make sure that our words lift
people up and don't tear them down. Here
are some good principles to help strengthen and heal any relationship.
Never call people names. There really is no place for this in a marriage or family or
at work. There is no love for others in
name calling and it is never a pathway for peace.
Never raise your voice. It’s not always
easy to keep our emotions in check, but the less we raise our voice and show
our irritation and anger we might feel, the more we can work on healing.
Never get historical. Don’t bring up past
hurts and problems. Keep focused on the
present and how to move forward into the future.
Never say “never” or “always”. First of all, it’s
never true… Ok, maybe I shouldn’t say that, but saying that someone always does
or says something, or never does or says something usually isn’t accurate nor
helpful.
Never give an ultimatum. Threatening a
divorce, or to quit your job, or to walk away never allows room for healing and
new life. We need to allow for love and
grace to work in our relationships and not slam the door shut too early by
giving an ultimatum.
There
are more ways our words can tear people down and it seems like we intuitively
know what these are and that’s often where we go first. What is harder is to not allow any
unwholesome talk to come from our mouths but only what is useful in building
others up. Not just those we like and
agree with, but all people, even “those people.”
There
will also be times when we will be tempted to hold on to our anger because we
feel it is justified and righteous. We
know we are right, and others are wrong, and we want to defend all the ways we
know we are right or point out all the ways that others have hurt and offended
us. We hold on to the anger and call it
righteous anger, but holding onto anger in any form can be dangerous.
In
the early church they set up a list of some of the most destructive attitudes
and behaviors found in scripture and called them the seven deadly sins. While this list is not found in the Bible,
each of these sins gets a lot of time and attention because of how they destroy
us.
Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony,
Sloth, Wrath (Anger)
In
different ways, all of us deal with these things in life. We will all wrestle with pride, or greed, or
lust and having that feeling itself isn’t sin, but holding on to it and acting
on it, is. It’s interesting that we will
talk about righteous anger as a way for us to justify, defend and hold on to
anger or viewpoint, but we never talk about righteous envy, or righteous lust,
or righteous pride. We aren’t willing to
hold on to any of those sins, but somehow, we feel it is ok for us to hold on
to our anger - but it’s not. Anger will
slowly destroy us and others which is why Paul said,
Get
rid of ALL bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every
form of malice.
All
anger has to go. All bitterness and rage
has to go. We can’t hold on to any of it
no matter how righteous we may think it is.
There is no room for feeling morally superior to others, or critical of
others, or harsh with others. It all has
to go and in the place of our anger Paul says we need to love.
Be
kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ
God forgave you.
To
be kind and compassionate with others we have to be willing to get close to
them. We can’t be kind with people from
a distance. We can’t show compassion
when we aren’t willing to be in the same room with one another or be willing to
associate with one another. Compassion
requires relationships. Kindness
requires us to walk with one another. If
we get offended and leave, then we shut the door for God’s grace and love to be
shared. We can’t be kind and compassionate with people if we aren’t willing to
stay close to them.
We
often say that we have compassion for those who think, believe, and live
differently than we do, but if we aren't willing to be close to them, to be in
relationship with them, to be friends with them, we can’t truly love them. We have become so divided as a world that we
have separated ourselves from everyone who thinks differently than we do and
when that happens, we can’t really show them compassion or kindness.
Local
churches tend to be places where we all look, act, think, and believe the same
way, but I’m not sure this is what God intended. It is comforting to have a place where we
feel accepted and where we belong, but if we only welcome those who look and
act and think like we do, what have we really done? The kingdom of God is so much bigger, and the
church needs to learn how to be so much bigger - but it can be hard and messy and
uncomfortable.
When
Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, he was trying to hold together people who
had very different views on sin and grace.
One group said everyone needed to follow the law and they wanted to
outline what was and wasn’t sin. The
other group said there was freedom in Christ, and we don’t need to follow the
law. They both had valid points to
make. Both sides needed to listen to the
other.
Paul
worked hard to try and hold very different people together as one body of
Christ. I wonder if we have chosen to
give up on that ideal. It’s too hard,
too difficult, too messy to stay together and love each other. It’s just easier to be with people who look
and think and act and believe the way I do.
It’s easier to walk away than to stay close, but if we are going to show
kindness and compassion, we have to stay close and not be offended and hold on
to anger but allow God to lead us into paths of love and grace.
I
want to share with you a prayer that can help us do just that, stay close to
one another and learn to live with “those people.” It’s found in Psalm 139:23-24
Search
me, God, and know my heart;
test
me and know my anxious thoughts.
See
if there is any offensive way in me,
and
lead me in the way everlasting.
God, show me how and when and where
I am one of those people who offend others by my pride and arrogance and
critical spirit. And when I am
confronted by those people, don’t let me hold on to it and give the devil a
place to live in my life. Don’t allow me
to be the one who is dividing and distracting the world and discrediting my
witness to your love and grace.
Remind me God that I will be
offended in life, it is inevitable, but living offended is a choice. Search
me and see if this is a choice I am making today, and if I am, lead me in
a way of love and grace that leads to life and life everlasting.
Next Steps
No
Offense - Dealing with “Those People”
We all have “those people” we struggle with. Who are “those people” in your life? Why is it difficult for you to deal with
them? How might you be one of “those
people” to others?
Read Ephesians 4:26-27, 29,
31-32
What offense and anger are you holding on to?
How is this creating space for the devil to operate in your life?
The devil seeks to destroy us through:
Division
Where do you see division taking place in your family? At work? Among friends? In the community?
What anger and offense might be causing this division?
What can you do to heal this division and work for unity?
Distraction
What is distracting you from the larger purposes God has for you? Is any of this coming from unresolved
anger?
What priorities do you need to set for your faith, your family, your
work?
What can you do to help keep others focused on what is ultimately
important.
Discrediting your witness to
Jesus
Read John 13:34-35. Jesus said the world will know we belong to Him because we love God and
others.
Is your love for God and others pointing people to Jesus?
Use this prayer from Psalm 239:23-24 to keep you from being one of
“those people.”
Search me, God, and know my
heart;
test me and know my anxious
thoughts.
See if there is any offensive
way in me,
and lead me in the way
everlasting.
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