Last week we learned about Decision Fatigue. This is the reality that there are just more choices we have today than we had just 10 years ago. All these good choices often keep us from making any choice at all. Another challenge to making decisions is called The Illusion of Perfection. Social media platforms, like Facebook and Instagram, give us a snapshot into other people’s lives, and since most people share all their beautiful moments, we begin to think that perfection is out there. When we see people who have perfect weddings, perfect marriages, perfect children, pets, clothes, jobs, cars, vacations, and even meals we begin to think that this kind of perfection is attainable, if we would just make the right decisions. But if we make the wrong decision, everything ends in disaster. So many times people make no decision at all.
Where people often struggle with this Illusion of Perfection, is in marriage. We often hear the romantic idea that there is the perfect person out there for each one of us. If we marry that right person, everything will be great, but if we marry the wrong person, it will end in disaster. Many people today simply don’t marry anyone for fear of marrying the wrong person.
The illusion of perfection is not being overwhelmed by all the good choices, but living in fear of making the wrong choice. So just like with decision fatigue, we make no choice at all. What is tragic about all of this is that the perfection we think is attainable is really just an illusion. No one’s life is perfect, but our lives can be really good, and meaningful, and filled with faith, and love, and peace if we will take risks, make decisions, and move forward.
So how can we learn to make good decisions and be confident that we are moving in a truly divine direction? Last week we laid a foundation for making divine decisions on these two principles: WHO before DO, and WHY before WHAT. WHO we are, and what motivates us in life, or the WHY in our lives, are more important than what we do in any given situation. God is always more interested in our character, and motivations (our heart), than in our specific actions. So the first step in receiving God’s divine direction is for us to start in the right place, and we do that by first asking WHO before DO and WHY before WHAT.
Today we are going to consider this principle: God doesn’t always show us what to do, he gives us the wisdom to discern. While we might prefer God sending us a postcard in the mail, giving us specific direction on what to do, God usually doesn’t work that way. God loves us, and God created us to be his children, so God is more interested in a relationship where God can share his heart and mind with us than in giving us detailed direction. God would much rather give us wisdom to use in different situations than giving us commandments to follow. The person in the Bible who is most often connected to this idea of wisdom is Solomon.
Solomon was one of the sons of King David, and after David died, Solomon became king. Solomon loved God very much, and when he became king, God said to him, I will give you anything that you want. Instead of asking for wealth, power, long life, victory in battle, or anything else that would elevate him in this world, Solomon asked for wisdom. 1 Kings 3:9.
So God gave Solomon wisdom, and much of that wisdom is recorded in the book of Proverbs. Proverbs is not only a book of wise sayings, it also tells us to get wisdom. Proverbs 4 says in two different places, get wisdom, and get insight. If we are told to get these things, then there must be a way for us to do that. There must be some kind of plan or pathway that will help us get wisdom, and there is. We get wisdom by taking these three steps: Walk, Ask, Decide.
WALK – Proverbs 13:20
The author Craig Groeschel said that he grew up hearing this saying, Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future? The people that we hang around with often set us on a path in life; our friends do have a big say in our future. Others have said that it is impossible to live the right way, and make the right decisions, if we are running with the wrong crowd. While we need to reach out and be kind and gracious to all the people, we need to be very cautious about who we allow into the inner circle of our lives, because those will be the people who will keep us moving in the right direction or lead us in the wrong direction.
This is one of the reasons we encourage people to be part of a small group in the life of the church. It’s not that everyone in a small group is perfect, or even wise, but they are people who want to grow in faith, and wisdom. If we want to learn how to make decisions that are in line with the will of God, then we need to surround ourselves with people who are striving for the same thing. If we want our lives to look a certain way as we get older, then we need to find people who are living those lives now, and ask them to walk with us, or allow us to walk with them, so they can show us how to live.
When I first became a pastor, I realized that I had no idea how to actually be a pastor. I quickly found myself in situations that were difficult and awkward, so I looked for pastors who were doing a good job, and I asked them for help. I asked one to be my unofficial mentor, and through the years he taught me a great deal about faith, and leadership.
Another pastor I turned to for help when I was asked to leave a parishioner’s front porch because he was upset with me. I showed up at John’s office unannounced, and poured out my heart and frustration. That day, and many other days, John gave me advice, and counsel, and encouragement. I owe a lot to these two people. I wouldn’t be the pastor I am today without the support of those who allowed me to walk with them.
I want to encourage you to look around and find people who are living the kind of life you want to be living. Maybe their marriage is what you want yours to be like, maybe you see how their family interacts and you want that kind of life for your family, maybe it’s in how they work in business or how the express their faith – but look around and find the people who inspire you, and simply ask them to be part of your life. In our world and culture, this might sound a little weird, but don’t be afraid to ask, think about what an honor it would be for you to be asked by someone else to be a mentor. Don’t be afraid to ask.
And that is our second step - ASK – James 1:5
God loves us. God created us to be in a relationship where he could share with us his life and his heart, but also his mind and his will, so if we ask God for wisdom – God will give us wisdom.
A had a friend who was very strong in his faith. He always seemed to know what God wanted him to do, and he always seemed to have a lot of peace. He was sought after by many people for his wisdom and I got to spend some time with him during a very uncertain time in my life. I asked him once if he thought God still spoke to people today, because I really needed God to speak to me. I needed some divine direction. He told me, yes, I believe God still speaks. So I asked him how I could get God to speak to me, and his answer was simple. He said, Ask him.
So I did. Diligently, daily, consistently, I asked God to speak to me and give me direction. I wanted to hear God’s voice, and know God’s will, and while it took several months for that to happen, God did speak to me, and gave me a very clear direction for my life. It sounds too simple, but the truth is that if we want wisdom, we need to ask for it.
Jesus tells us that if we ask God for good things, God will give them to us. Luke 11:11-13. So if we sincerely ask God for wisdom, God will give us wisdom. In fact, God delights in giving us wisdom. Psalm 32:8. This is who God wants to be, and this is what God wants to do, and God can do this if we will ask.
So we need to ask, but we also need to be prepared when we ask because we may not get that wisdom the day we ask. Jesus said many times that we need to persist in prayer. The direction I needed in my life didn’t come for months, but God did provide. We not only need to be persistent and wait, but we also have to put ourselves in a place where we can hear God’s wisdom when it comes. If we ask God to speak, and share his will and plan for us, but then never read God’s word, spend time with God in prayer, or learn about God as we walk with others, then God can’t share that wisdom with us. So we can ask God, but we have then be willing to take the time to listen and learn so God can teach us, and give us the direction we need.
So we need to WALK with the wise, ASK for wisdom and then finally there comes a time when we have to DECIDE. While last week I said that we need to focus on WHO before DO, at some point we have to DO. At some point we need to make a decision and do something. A friend of mine in college had a saying that I have never forgotten, and I found to be true many times in my life. It is easier for God to steer a moving car than a parked car.
Actually, God can’t steer a parked car because it is not moving. For God to steer us or guide us, we have to make some decisions and get moving.
You would think that if there was anyone who knew the perfect will of God it would be the Apostle Paul, but he didn’t. He was just like us in wondering about, praying for, and seeking God’s guidance, and one of the ways he found that divine direction was to simply start moving. He made some choices and then allowed God to lead him. 1 Thessalonians 3:1. Notice what it says here, we thought it best. We weren’t sure, we didn’t know if this was God’s perfect will and plan, we trusted that it was, and we moved forward.
Here is another great example: 1 Corinthians 16:5-10. Did you hear all the uncertainty in Paul’s plans? He wasn’t sure of every detail moving forward but that did not stop him from moving forward. Many times God provides direction as we make decisions, and if we make the wrong decision, actually, let me rephrase that, WHEN we make the wrong decision, it’s ok because every mistake we make is an opportunity for us to learn, and grow, and gain wisdom to help us in the future.
We learn God’s divine direction for our lives when we get wisdom and gain understanding, and this is something we can do when we WALK with the wise, ASK for wisdom, and then finally DECIDE.
Next Steps
Wisdom to Discern
1. List the top three places you turn for help when you have a difficult decision to make. When have these sources been helpful? When have they not given you what you wanted?
2. The Illusion of Perfection leads us to believe that if we just make the right decision, our life will be perfect.
• How can this keep you from making a decision?
• Where have you struggled to make a decision for fear of making the wrong one?
3. We get wisdom when we WALK with the wise.
• Read Proverbs 13:20
• What one area of your life do you want to grow in wisdom? (Personal Finances, Relationships, Business, Faith, Humility, Service…)
• Find someone who is already excelling in this area and walk with them. Ask them to be your mentor.
4. We get wisdom when we ASK God for it.
• Read James 1:5
• Pray each day and ask God to give you wisdom.
• Listen for God’s response and intentionally put yourself in a place where you can learn from God.
5. We get wisdom when we DECIDE to act.
• Read 1 Thessalonians 3:1-3.
• Think about a decision you face, what one step can you take this week to move yourself forward?
• Act.
