When we suddenly start spending a lot of forced time together, in stressful situations, unable to get away, let’s be honest, people start getting on our nerves. Tempers begin to flare, words are said, feelings are hurt, and about now forgiveness is needed all around. The road we are walking today is one very familiar to Jesus and the disciples.
Jesus called people to leave behind their old lives and routines and to walk with him. We heard a few weeks ago that Jesus created a new community. Fishermen left their nets and boats and routines behind and travelled with Jesus. They were joined by others who also left their homes and business and started spending all day, every day, with the same people. We know that the disciples began to get on each other’s nerves. James and John wanted special places of honor at Jesus’ right and left hand. Other disciples talked about wanting their own place close to Jesus. The Bible says they argued among themselves as to who was the greatest. Any of you parents hear your children arguing this week? Too much togetherness is not always a good thing.
If we are going to walk with Jesus, we need to be people who will walk in forgiveness - we need to ask for forgiveness and we need to forgive others. This season of Lent has truly been unprecedented. We had no idea how important this series of messages was going to be for us, but as we walk through this crisis together, we need to think about who we are when we walk with Jesus and how we can be more like him because it’s going to be by loving one another they Jesus did that will help us get through this - together.
Following Jesus means walking together in a new community. A new community means new relationships and new ways of being in relationship with people who might be very different from us. All of this creates tension. We rub up against people and it can be uncomfortable and painful. We will say or do things that will offend others, and others will say and do things that will offend us. For any relationship to survive, for any family to thrive, and for any community to hold together there is one required element - forgiveness.
If it hasn’t happened yet, at some point during our time of social distancing, and during this stressful time with work, family, and finances, we are going to say or do something that will offend or hurt someone. And someday someone will say or do something that will offend or hurt us, so now more than ever, we need to focus on forgiveness as an essential part of our life and faith.
As the disciples walked with each other, and rubbed each other the wrong way, and offended each other at times, it’s not surprising that one of them would go to Jesus and ask him, Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?
Have any of you parents heard that question this week? Mom, how many times do I have to forgive him? Dad, how many times do I have to forgive her? When we live in community, this question is going to come up. Peter asked the question, and wanting to sound good and righteous, he gave this answer. Up to seven times?
For Peter, forgiving someone 7 times was a lot. He was thinking of himself as an upstanding and faithful person, but Jesus' response tells us a lot about forgiveness and what it means for us to walk with Jesus. Jesus said, not 7 times but 70 x 7 times.
Jesus took the number that Peter gave and did two things. He multiplied it, and then he multiplied it again. When it comes to forgiveness, whatever we think might be enough is never enough, we need to multiply it by 10, and then multiply it again.
What Jesus is saying here is that forgiveness isn’t a requirement we fulfill up to the limit, it is an ongoing lifestyle. 70 x 7, (or as some translations say, 70 x 70) was not a limit for Jesus. We don’t forgive some 490 times or even 4,900 times and then stop, this was Jesus’ way of saying we forgive every time. This is how we live the rest of our lives. When we walk with Jesus we are walking in a life of forgiveness and grace and the reason we do this is because we are walking in a way of love.
1 Corinthians 13 is the famous love chapter and this is what it says about love. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Isn't this just another definition of forgiveness? Forgiveness means we don’t keep score. We don’t keep track of how everyone treats us and we don’t hold on to all the hurt and pain that has come when we have been offended.
Now let’s be clear, forgiveness does not mean we allow ourselves to continue to be hurt and offended. Clear boundaries might need to be established in relationships to keep us safe physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Boundaries and limits on relationships can actually be a good thing. We set boundaries with our children. We put them in separate rooms for a while when they are fighting. In the car my mom told me constantly that I had to stay on my side of the back seat. So boundaries in relationships might be needed, but as we are able, we need to let go of the anger that comes with being hurt. We can’t keep any record of the wrongs done to us.
But, you might say, you don’t know what has been done to me. You don’t know the depth of betrayal, pain, and hurt that has taken place in my life. You don’t know the horror that needs to be forgiven. You’re right, I don’t - but God does, and God is ready to heal us when we are ready to forgive. Yes, our ability to forgive others blesses us and heals us.
Forgiveness is often more about setting ourselves free than setting others free. Keeping no record of wrongs means that we aren’t carrying around all the hurt and pain that weighs us down, and so as we learn to forgive - we are set free - which gives us more strength and a new life. As we forgive, the power of God’s grace flows through us, and as it does, it heals us. Forgiveness is vital to healthy relationships in any and all communities, but it is also vital to our own emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing.
I’ve also heard people say that forgiveness isn’t fair. It’s not fair to forgive someone and let them off the hook. We think that they need to pay the price for their offense and the pain they have caused. In some sense, all forgiveness is not fair, and thank God it’s not fair because if we had to pay the price for the times we have offended and hurt both God and others, we would be crushed. If we had to pay the price for our sin before God, we would be destroyed. The Bible says that the wages of sin - the penalty for sin - is death, but we have been forgiven by God, and as we have been forgiven - so we need to forgive.
This is what Jesus taught his followers. In fact, it was important enough that it made it into the model of prayer that Jesus taught his disciples, and a prayer we teach our children, and a prayer we pray often. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. We ask God to forgive us, and God does. In love, God keeps no record of wrong. God is merciful and extends grace to us not 7 times, or 70 times, or even 70 x 70 times, but all the time. Walking with Jesus means receiving God's unlimited grace and mercy and then extending that grace to others.
Jesus didn’t just tell us to forgive, he taught us and showed us how to become more forgiving. If we want to be more forgiving. the first step is to PRAY. We need to pray for those who have hurt us. We need to pray for those who have offended us. We need to pray for those we might even consider our enemies. Jesus said, You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” but I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.
Walking with Jesus means we become people who don’t talk trash about our enemies, but pray for them. Because we are part of a larger community, a true family of faith, we are children of God who are called to pray for our enemies. The first step in our struggle to forgive someone is to pray for them. And I don’t mean we pray for their destruction, or pray that they come to their senses and beg us to forgive them. We pray for their wellbeing. We pray for God to bless them.
Praying for those who have hurt and offended us wasn’t just what Jesus taught, it’s the example he gave us from the cross. Jesus had just gone through an unjust trial. He had been wrongly accused and condemned to die. He had been physically mistreated, humiliated, scorned and laughed at. He was nailed to a cross and even then people continued to insult and mock him. It is in that moment of utter scorn and offence, that Jesus prayed for his enemies. Father forgive them. For they do not know what they are doing.
When we are struggling to forgive, or even have no desire to forgive, we need to pray for our enemies and those who have hurt us. Prayer may not change that person, it may not open their eyes to the error of their ways, it may not bring them to their senses and repent, but it will change us. Praying for our enemies and those who have sinned against us helps us keep no record of wrongs - it helps us forgive.
The second thing we can do when we are struggling to forgive is to be HUMBLE. If we aren’t feeling very gracious and forgiving with others, then we need to do a quick examination of our own lives and think about our own need of forgiveness. Most likely there is someone in our lives that we need to turn to and ask for forgiveness.
When we can humble ourselves and see our own need for God’s grace, and the grace of others, it helps us be willing to reach out and forgive others. The Apostle Paul said, Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32.
Paul also said, As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15.
When we pray for others, our own hearts and attitudes change so we are more willing to forgive. When we humble ourselves and see how much God and others have forgiven us, we are more willing to forgive. At some point in time, however, we need to LET GO. We have to let go of the offense and keep no record of wrongs. And for many of us, this is the difficult step.
If there is some hurt or offense that you are struggling to let go of in your life, if there is a person or a situation that you have been holding on to with a clenched fist, with anger and resentment, then I want to invite you this week to literally write down the person’s name and begin to pray for them. Pray for the person in whatever way you can and ask God for help.
After a few days, I want to invite you to write down some of the ways you have been forgiven in your life. Write these down underneath the name of the person you are struggling to forgive. Are there people that you have had to ask to forgive you - write their names down. Are there situations where you have had to ask God to forgive you again and again - write those situations down. Ask God to humble you as you consider your need to forgive others.
As we begin to see how God and others have forgiven us, it helps us be willing to forgive others. It helps us get that place where we can let go of the paper. Ask God to help you let go, to rip up the paper, or throw it away, so that you are not keeping any record of wrong and truly forgiving. Does that mean you will never wrestle with that person or situation again? Nope. You will. You might need to do it again, and again, and again. Maybe 7 times, or 70 times, or 70 x 70 times, but in time you will be set free.
Who we are when we walk with Jesus are people who forgive. In a world that is growing more fearful, stressed, and anxious, we will need more grace to offer one another. As we live on top of one another at home, and distance ourselves from others in the community, we need to be gentle with one another, pray for one another, and keep no record of wrongs. Today and everyday may our love be seen in our ability and willingness to forgive.
Next Steps
The Walk - Forgiveness
Reflect: Who are the people you are struggling to forgive?
● What offenses and hurt are you struggling to let go?
● Identify these situations and ask God for strength to forgive.
Read:
● Matthew 18:21-35
● Matthew 5:38-48, 6:9-15
● Luke 23:32-34
● Ephesians 4:25-32
● Colossians 3:12-17
Identify what we learn about Jesus from his teaching and example. What other examples of Jesus’ forgiveness can we see in his life? Why is forgiveness so important to Jesus and to the community of faith?
Respond: To help us forgive one another
● Walk in Prayer: Who do you need to pray for this week?
● Walk in Humility: Identify the ways that you have been forgiven. Give thanks to God for His grace.
● Walk in Freedom: Keep no record of wrongs. Let go of the people, hurt, and offenses that you have been holding on to.
● Walk in Community: Ask others to help you forgive.
