This month we are talking about how the small things in our lives can lead to the big differences we want to see. Whether it is a stronger marriage, better grades, getting out of debt, moving into a healthier lifestyle, or a stronger faith, all the big things we want to happen come when we are willing to focus on the small things. And when we get discouraged because we don’t see a lot of quick changes with those small things, we need to remember that God said, do not despise the small things. Those small things, done over time, will lead to the big difference we want.
Last week we looked at our thoughts, and our thoughts are small things that no one sees, but our thoughts actually shape and direct everything. Our lives always move in the direction of our strongest thoughts. If we don’t think we will ever amount to anything, we won’t ever step out and try anything. If we don’t think we can be used by God, we won’t see the God given opportunities all around us.
On the other hand, if we believe that God is with us, and that God is for us, and that God has a plan for our lives, then we will be looking for opportunities and blessings in everything. When we see God moving all around us, we will be more likely to step out with boldness, courage, and faith to live life to the fullest. Our lives always move in the direction of our strongest thoughts.
Our thoughts also are important because they influence our words. Our words might seem small and insignificant, but our words can literally change the direction of our lives. James 3:3-5
When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
Our tongue, or our words, are small things, but they can make a big difference in our lives, and in the lives of others. James said that with our words we can praise God, or curse God. With our words we can lift others up, or tear others down. Our words can lift us up, or tear ourselves down. Solomon said it this way: Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death.
Our words can literally bring life to ourselves and others, or they can tear down and destroy ourselves and others. Just as a single spark can set an entire forest on fire, so one word can destroy a life. My guess is that at some point in time we have all experienced the destructive power of words.
Maybe you had a teacher who told you that you would never amount to anything, or you would never get into college because you weren’t good enough in math or science. Maybe you had a coach who didn’t encourage you to keep going but instead told you that if you stayed on the team all you would ever do is warm the bench. Or maybe you had a job where you were told over and over again that your work was never good enough.
After my first year of college, I got a job as a custodian at a local hotel and restaurant. Now if you know me, you might think that this would be a great job for me. I have even said that when I retire I might like a job as a custodian of a small church. I like things neat and clean, and I like to clean. Now I’m not bragging here, but I was a good custodian. The restrooms were clean, the offices were clean, all the public spaces and reception rooms were clean, even the parking lot was clean. I did a good job, but my boss was critical of everything I did.
He didn’t like the order I did things. He didn’t like how I did things. He would tell me to go do something without even asking if I had already done it. He constantly put down my work and I was miserable. His words broke me down and after a few weeks I quit. Constant negative and critical words are life taking, they tear down our confidence, our self-esteem, and our sense of value and worth.
My guess is that we have all experienced this at work, at school, or among friends, and unfortunately far too many children experience this at home. Words are powerful. They have the power to bring life or death. Again, from Proverbs we hear this.
Proverbs 12:18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 15:4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.
If we want to change our lives, one of the best places to start is by changing our words, both the words we speak to others and the words we speak to ourselves. Last week we did a thought audit where we thought about what we think about. This week let’s do a word audit and think about the words we speak.
On a scale of 1 - 10, are our words life taking or life giving?
When you talk to others, are your words life taking or life giving?
If we are always critical, always pointing out people’s faults or problems, or if we are always pointing out how they don’t do things the way we do them, we might be a 1 or 2. Now this doesn’t mean there is not a place for helpful and constructive criticism. We all need good feedback so we can learn and grow and improve, but if we are always critical, or we find ourselves only pointing out the problems we see, then our words might be tearing people down instead of building them up.
On the other hand, if we are always quick to give praise, always willing to send a note of thanks and appreciation, always willing to point out the blessings we see in others, we might be an 8-9. This past week I heard many life giving words of thanks and praise for our online worship. Due to the weather last Sunday, we had about 15 people here at 8:15 for worship, and 10 of them were here as volunteers, but we had over 250 people online. When notes and words of thanks and appreciation came in, it lifted me up. I was able to share those words with others and it lifted us all up. We all know what those life giving words mean to us. Are your words to others more life taking or life giving? What kind of number would you give yourself?
Now let’s talk about when we talk to ourselves. I don't know about you, but it is easier to say positive things about others than it is about ourselves. And while most of the time we may not literally say to ourselves all that we are thinking about ourselves - those words are just as powerful. When you talk to yourself, are your words life taking or life giving?
Think about those times you might actually say something to yourself out loud. Does it tend to be more life taking or life giving? For many of us, we just speak life taking words. We make a mistake and say, I always make the same mistake. I’ll never amount to anything. I've been a screw up my entire life. I’ve never been very good at that. Chances are that when we literally talk to ourselves, it is with negative, life taking words.
When was the last time you said out loud to yourself, good job! I knew you could do it. What a blessing you are to your family. I add so much to my family. I make a difference at work and I know people appreciate what I do. God is so happy with me right now.
I know what you're thinking, we don’t say those things to ourselves because it would sound like we are boasting and prideful. While it might sound that way, it might also be that we need to say those things to ourselves because we need to hear them. It’s ok to say positive things about ourselves. It’s ok to tell ourselves that we are loved, valuable, important, and gifted. It’s ok to tell ourselves that our lives make a difference and that we matter to God. So are your words about yourself life taking or life giving? What number would you give yourself?
Now once again, add your two numbers together. You don’t have to tell anyone, but if your score isn’t 20, then the rest of this message is for you. My guess is that we all have some room to grow in our words, so let’s look at 2 small things that can not only change our words but maybe change our lives.
The first small thing is a principle I’m sure you heard growing up:
If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
If you can’t say something positive, helpful, and life giving either to yourself or to others, then don’t say anything. Stay quiet. Ephesians 4:29, do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Let’s be honest, this is a principle we all need to live by. If we can’t say things that will give life and build others up, then we need to stay quiet. This is not an easy thing to do when all around us, from politics to sports to social media, all we see are people jumping in to tear others down. When all we hear is negative criticism, we will be more likely to criticize others.
As a culture we love to tear people down. We love to point out the problems we see in others and while this might be the norm for the world, it can’t be the norm for the followers of Jesus. We have a different set of values and a different example in Jesus. Sacrificial love means that our words need to lift others up, and if we don’t have anything helpful or positive to say, then we need to say nothing. If you can’t say something nice, stay quiet.
The second principle is this, if you think something good - say it! If you think something good about someone, if you see something positive in someone - say it. If our words give life, why would we withhold this blessing from others? Proverbs 16:2, Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. It’s not our thoughts that are sweet and bring healing, it’s our words. We can think all kinds of wonderful things about others but they don’t bring life until we speak.
In Genesis 1, when God created the world it doesn’t say that God thought about the world and it came to be, God spoke, and the world came to be. God said, let there be light, and there was light. It is words that bring life. So if we think of something helpful, good, and life giving to say to someone - we need to say it.
If you want a better marriage, start saying life giving words to your spouse. If you want stronger and healthier children, start saying life giving words to them. If you want better friends, a healthier work environment, or a stronger community, start saying life giving words to the people around you. This is more important than we can possibly imagine because studies have shown that it takes 5 positive words to balance out 1 negative word.
If your child comes home from school having heard just one critical or negative word from a friend, or teacher, it will take 5 positive words from you to get them back on level ground. This means you might need to speak another 5 positive, life giving words to help them move forward. The same is true at work. If you hear a co-worker get criticized by the boss, another employee, a customer, or a client, it will take 5 positive words to get them back to where they were before.
If you think of something good to say to someone - say it. If you see something good in someone - share it with them. If you want to improve any and all relationships in your life - speak life giving words to others, and then don’t be afraid to say them to yourself.
There was a low point in King David’s life when everything seemed to be going against him. After a difficult defeat in battle, David’s own men began to turn against him and the only way David made it through was by encouraging himself.
David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God. ! Samuel 30:6
David found strength in the Lord. Other translations say that David encouraged himself in the Lord. I wonder what David said to himself to turn things around. What small words did David say out loud that made a big difference in life? We know David said things out loud because what he said to himself he wrote down in the psalms. Writing is a way of speaking to ourselves and so David’s psalms are his words to himself. It was how he encouraged himself and helped strengthen his life and faith.
Our words are the small things that can make a big difference in our life and the life of someone else. One kind word, one supportive word, one uplifting word can turn someone’s life around. In the process, it will make a big difference in our own lives as we become more like Jesus. And life giving words spoken to ourselves, written down in journals, and even spoken out loud during times of need, can be exactly what we need to hear. So talk to yourself. It’s really ok to do that.
In fact, let me close by encouraging you to find one statement that you can say to yourself over and over again this week. Maybe you need to turn your one thought from last week into your one statement and say it out loud each day. Maybe there is another statement you need to say to yourself to remind you of who you are in God’s eyes. What one small statement can help move you closer to your one word? Write it down. Say it out loud each day this week. It is these small things that can make a big difference.
Next Steps
Small Things, Big Difference - Our Words
Our words are small things that can make a big difference in our lives and in the lives of others. Read: Genesis 1, James 3:3-5, Proverbs 12:18, 15:4, 16:2, 18:21, Ephesians 4:29
When have words (yours or others) given you life and lifted you up? When have they torn you down?
Take a word audit.
My words to others are more:
Life-taking 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 Life-giving
My words to myself are more:
Life-taking 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 Life-giving
2 Small things we can do to improve our words
1. If you can’t say anything nice - say nothing!
In what relationships and situations do you need to guard your tongue?
2. If you think something good - say it!
In what relationships and situations do you need to share more life giving words?
It takes 5 positive words to balance out 1 negative word.
● When have you experienced this principle in your life?
● Who spoke positive, life giving words to you?
● Who do you know that needs to hear life giving words? Say it to them this week!
● How can you speak these words to yourself?
What one statement do you need to hear this week from yourself?
Write it down and read it out loud every day!
My One Statement: __________________________________________
