Why did God not answer my prayer?

 Last week we started a series called “Ever wonder why?” and asked the very difficult question that people have been asking for centuries, why did God let it happen.  Today we are going to consider another difficult question that people have wrestled with for centuries, why didn’t God answer my prayer?  

Prayer can be very confusing at times because while we believe in its prayer and see all kinds of prayers answered in the Bible, we often question why God doesn’t answer our prayers.  

In the book of Joshua, when the people of God were in battle, Joshua prayed for the sun to stand still, and it did.  

The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the Lord listened to a human being. Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel!  Joshua 10:13-14

God answered that prayer, but when we pray for flood waters to recede to ease the suffering of people, or storms to weaken so they don’t devastate communities, it doesn’t happen.  God didn’t answer those prayer.

We read about Elijah asking God to send down fire from heaven to show His power and glory, and God does, but when we pray for God to show His power and glory by healing someone with cancer, it doesn’t happen.  Why does God answer one person’s prayer and not others?  

In the story of Daniel, Daniel prayed for the mouths of the lions to be shut, and they were, but when we pray for a door to open for employment, it doesn’t come.  All of this can cause us to question why God didn’t answer our prayers.  Did God not hear us?  Did we pray the wrong way?  Does God not love or care about us?

Like last week, let me be clear at the beginning and tell you that I am not going to be able to give you a clear answer about why God may not have answered your prayer.  

What I can do, and want to do, is share some thoughts on prayer that can help guide us when we ask the question why and some teaching about prayer that can help our prayers be more effective.  If you hear nothing else today, I hope you will hear this:

The purpose of prayer is not to get God to do our will.

The purpose of prayer is to know God so we can do His will. 

 Believe it or not, God does not exist to answer our prayers.  We are not the main character in the story - God is.  While God created us in love and loves us unconditionally, God does not exist to do our will and fulfill all our desires, we exist to honor and glorify God.  So, prayer isn’t about getting what we want or telling God what He needs to do in our lives and in the world, prayer is about surrendering to God so we can learn more about what He wants and how we can serve, honor and glorify Him.  

While the purpose of prayer is about growing in our relationship with God and surrendering ourselves to God’s will, Jesus does say that whatever we ask for in God’s name, we will receive.  

I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.  John 14:13-14

This seems to say that God will answer all our prayers. Ask for anything in my name and you will receive it.  Jesus makes prayer sound like we have a genie in a bottle who will grant all our wishes, but this isn’t all Jesus said about prayer or all that the Bible says about prayer.  The Bible says many things about prayer, and we need to take them all into consideration when we ask why God didn’t answer our prayers.  God’s willingness to answer our prayer doesn’t just depend on our asking, it depends on many things.  

We are going to look at 4 things that lead to effective prayer and the first one comes from Jesus.

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.  Mark 11:24-25

1. Effective prayer needs healthy relationships with God and others.  Jesus said that how we treat others, our relationships with others, will impact how God hears and responds to our prayer.  If you stop and think about it, this makes sense.  If your kids are yelling and fighting with each other all day, how likely are you going to be to let them have friends over for the night?  How likely are you going to be to give them anything they want?  As parents, how your children treat each other, and how they treat you, impacts how you respond to them.  

If we are being unkind toward one another, if we are putting others down, if being negative and critical of others at home and at work, if we aren’t lifting others up as the Bible tells us to but tearing each other down, and if we aren’t willing to forgive as God has forgiven us, why would God look graciously at our prayers?  We may not like hearing this, but how we treat one another has a direct impact on how God hears and responds to our prayers.  It’s not the ONLY thing God takes into consideration, but it is one thing, and it is one thing we can control.  

If you don’t think there is a direct link between our relationships with one another and our prayer life, then consider this verse.  It is written to husbands, but I would say it is true for husbands and wives, children and parents, siblings, friends, and neighbors.  

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect… so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7

How we treat one another impacts our prayers.  If God doesn’t seem to answer our prayers, maybe our relationships are broken, and we need to start treating one another with respect and grace.  

2. Effective prayer needs the right motives.  Not only does effective prayer need right relationships, it needs right motives. 

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.  James 4:3

If we ask God to bless us financially so we can spend more money on ourselves, why would God answer that?  If we aren’t willing to tithe, or give or be generous towards with what God has already given us, why would God answer our prayers for more?  If we ask God for gifts and abilities but all we want is to use them for recognition and fame, why would God answer our prayer?  If our motive in prayer isn't to give glory to God and serve God and others, why would God answer our prayer?  

We always need to check our motives because even if we think our hearts are good and right and pure, they may not be. Jeremiah said, The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Jeremiah 17:9

It’s important for us to examine our motives when we pray because we can be easily deceived.  More than once God has pointed out that my motives may not have been as right as I thought they were.  Motives matter.  Relationships matter.  And faith matters.  

3. Effect prayer needs faith.   When we pray, do we believe that God can do what we are asking Him to do?  Do we have faith, even the size of a mustard seed, when we ask God for help?  Faith matters.  Jesus linked people’s faith to His ability to answer prayers.  Jesus said, if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.  Matthew 21:22

A few weeks ago, we heard the story of the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years.  She went to Jesus and believed that if she could touch the hem of His garment that she would be healed.  She reached out in faith.  We might say she prayed in faith and Jesus said, daughter, your faith has made you well.  

Another time Jesus was approached by two blind men who cried out to Him for healing.  Jesus asked,  "Do you believe that I am able to do this?”  “Yes, Lord,” they replied. Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you”; and their sight was restored.  Matthew 9:28-30

Their faith had a direct effect on Jesus’ ability to answer their prayer.  Now let me be clear and say that faith is not the ONLY thing that God takes into consideration when He answers our prayers.  If God doesn’t answer our prayer, it is not always due to a lack of faith, but we do need to have faith when we pray.  And if our faith is weak, we need to ask God to strengthen it.

A man came to Jesus asking him to heal his son from a spirit that threw him on the ground and into fires, but his faith was weak.  

Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”  Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”  Mark 9:22-24

I love Jesus' response to the father, If I can?  You're asking me to do something but aren’t sure that I can do it?  All things are possible if you believe.  The father is passionate about wanting his son healed, but he is also honest, I do believe but help my unbelief.  

I don’t know about you, but this is often where I find myself in prayer.  I believe God can answer prayers and move in miraculous ways, and I believe God wants to do these powerful things, but there are doubts that creep up in the shadows.  So, I cry to God, I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief.  God, wipe away the darkness of doubt that too often creeps into my faith because I know that my faith matters when I pray.  I believe, help my unbelief.  

Relationships matter.  Motives matter. And faith matters if our prayers are going to be effective, but even when all these are spot on, when all our relationships with God and others are as good as we can make them, and our motives are pure and humble, and our faith is strong and powerful, there are still times God may not answer our prayers the way we want Him too.  One final thing needed for effective prayer is for us to surrender to the will of God.

4. Effective prayer needs to yield to God’s will.  

This takes us back to the beginning when I said that we aren’t the main characters of the story and God isn’t here to do all that we want Him to do.  We pray to know God and to obey His will.  Sometimes we pray so that our hearts can surrender to God’s purpose and plan.  As much as we might think we know what God’s will is, we might not know it fully.  As much as we think we know what is right, what we think is right might not be what is best in the short term or the long term.  

And no matter what we think is right for us and best for us, God might have a different plan.  Notice I didn’t say a better plan, God’s plan is not always better in our eyes, it just might be different.  A great example of this is seen in the life of the Apostle Paul.

Paul was the major leader of the Jesus movement after Jesus ascended into heaven.  He helped spread the gospel of Jesus across the Roman Empire and his wisdom and faith accounts for much of the teaching we find in the New Testament.  He was a man of faith and passion who always tried to align himself with God’s will.  We might think that God always answered Paul’s prayers, but He didn’t.  Paul prayed diligently for something that God did not provide

I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  2 Corinthians 12:7-9

We don’t know what this thorn in the flesh was. Some think it was a person who always seemed to work against Paul.  Others thought it may have been a physical ailment that held him back.  We do know Paul suffered from some type of eye problem so it could have been that Paul prayed for this healing, but it never came.  What God told Paul was that He had a different plan for him.  

Instead of bringing Paul healing and removing the thorn, God was going to teach Paul how to lean on His grace and strength.  Clearly, for Paul, a better plan would have been to be healed, but God’s plan was different.  Our prayers always have to yield to God’s will and God’s will is not always our will  

Now you might be asking, if God is going to do whatever He wants to do anyway, why should I pray?  If God is going to follow His plan regardless of how healthy our relationships are, how pure our motives are, and how strong our faith is, why should we pray?  It’s a valid question and it takes us back to the purpose of prayer.  

We pray not to just get what we want; we pray to know God more.  We pray to align our hearts with God’s heart.  We pray so that our will surrender to God’s will.  

The purpose of prayer is not to get God to do our will.

The purpose of prayer is to know God so we can do His will. 

Next Steps

Why doesn’t God answer my prayer?

When have you struggled because God didn’t answer your prayer the way you thought God should?  (Some of these situations can be deeply painful.  Ask God for light to understand and grace to ease the pain.)

Jesus said, I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.  John 14:13-14

Does this mean we will get everything we ask for in prayer? 

What other teachings on prayer help you understand what Jesus is saying?  

4 teachings on what makes prayer effective.

1. Effective prayer needs healthy relationships with God and others.  Mark 11:24-25.  

● Why does God care about our relationships?

● What relationships do you need to work on before you go to God in prayer?  

● How can prayer help strengthen your relationship with God?  

2. Effective prayer needs the right motives.  James 4:3 and Jeremiah 17:9.  

● When have your motives not always been right when you prayed?  

● What motives need to be set right before you prayers?  

3. Effective prayer needs faith.  Matthew 22:21, Matthew 9:28-30, and Mark 9:22-24

● When have you prayed for a stronger faith?

● How can you strengthen your faith so that you fully believe in what you are asking for in prayer?  

4. Effective prayer needs to yield to God’s will.  2 Corinthians 12:7-9

● How does Jesus show us this during His prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane?  Matthew 26:36-46

Keep the purpose of prayer always before you.

The purpose of prayer is not to get God to do our will.

The purpose of prayer is to know God so we can do His will. 

Why Did God Let It Happen?

 

As you know, we open our worship with the response:

God is good…  and all the time….

Have you ever wondered if this is true?  When things aren’t going well and things in your life seem unfair or unjust, do you still believe that God is good?  When you see good and innocent people suffer through the devastation of storms or the destruction of war, do you still think that God is good all the time?  If you are experiencing financial setbacks, job loss, or the fear of losing your marriage and family even though you are working hard in all these areas and striving to be faithful, can you still say God is good?  If you have ever questioned the goodness of God, then I pray this message, and this new series will speak to you.

We are starting a series called Ever Wonder Why?, and today we are going to reflect on one of the most difficult questions we all ask at times.  Why did God let it happen?  Why did God let the rains of Hurricane Helene wipe out whole communities in Western NC?  Why does God allow ongoing war in a land that is so important to Him?  Why does God allow those we love to battle cancer?  Why do children suffer abuse and abandonment?  Why does God still allow hunger and starvation?  Why?  

This is not a new question.  300 years before Jesus, the Greek philosopher Epicurius asked similar questions, and these were some of his observations:

If God is not able to prevent evil, then God is not all powerful.

If God is not willing to prevent evil, then God is not all good. 

If God is both willing and able to prevent evil, then why does evil exist?  

Epicurius asked the same question we do.  If we believe God is all powerful and always good, then why does evil exist and why do bad things happen to people.  The presence of evil does not mean there is no God or that God is not good and powerful, we know this because the story of God, the Biblical narrative, is full of evil and suffering.  

In the Old Testament, King David, who was known as a man after God’s own heart, asked God where He was in the presence of the injustice and suffering he was facing.  The prophet Jeremiah cried out to God when evil was all around him, and in the New Testament, John the Baptist, whose mission and purpose was to point people to Jesus, was unjustly arrested and then beheaded.  John was in prison with Jesus not far away and Jesus knew the bad situation John was in.   I have to imagine that John asked God why He was allowing this to happen?  Where are you God?  Where are you Jesus?  Why are you letting this happen?

Another person in the Old Testament who asked this question was a man named Asaph.  Asaph was a poet and prophet who led the choir in the Tabernacle.  There are 12 psalms that we believe he wrote, and this is from one of them.  Psalm 73:11-14

What does God know? they ask. Does the Most High even know what’s happening?  Look at these wicked people—enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply. Did I keep my heart pure for nothing?  Did I keep myself innocent for no reason? I get nothing but trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain.

Does God know what’s happening?  Does God know that evil people are prospering?  Does He know that good people are suffering?  And if He does, why does He allow it?  Why is evil getting the upper hand?  Why is there so much injustice and suffering if God is so good and loving?

As we wrestle with this issue, let be clear, I am not going to have a good or precise answer to this ancient and ongoing question.  What I hope to provide are some reflections and thoughts that can carry us through our questions and pain to a place of hope and faith.  

So again, the question we ask is:

If God is love, why is there suffering and pain and evil?  

One way to answer this is to say that there is suffering and pain because God is love.  It’s not that God chooses to have some suffer, but if love is a choice then suffering is a possibility.  Since God gives each of us the choice to love Him and others in response to His love, when we choose not to love, it opens the door for pain and suffering.  When we choose hate or indifference over love, when we choose to do what is wrong over what is right, we bring suffering into the world.  

It’s not that all suffering and pain in the world is caused by our choice, but some of it is. God knew this was a possibility when he gave us the freedom to choose love or hate, goodness or evil.  In theological circles this choice we have been given is called freewill.  God gives us the freedom to choose how we will respond to His love.  The reason God gives us this freedom is that didn’t God didn’t want robots adoring Him, He wanted a relationship with His children.  God loves us enough to give us the freedom to respond to His love- or not, and God did this knowing that at times we might choose not to love Him.  Choosing to not love God is called sin and sin is what opens the door for pain and suffering in our lives and in the lives of others.  

God loves us enough to give us freewill knowing that the consequence could bring pain and suffering into the world, but He also gave us this freedom knowing that the only truly good and innocent person who would ever live, His son Jesus, would suffer and die because of it.  While we often ask why bad things happen to good people, the only truly good and innocent person to ever live was Jesus, and Jesus chose to take on all the bad that the world had to offer so we could be counted as good.  Jesus took on our sin, our failure to love God and others, our evil and unfaithful choices, and paid the price for it all.  

Because God is love, He gave us the choice to love Him or not.  God knew that at times we would choose not to love and that our choices would bring evil and suffering into the world and because of that, God knew someone would have to come to set things right.  The only one who could do that was going to be God Himself, so God gave up the glory of heaven to come to earth as a man.  Here on earth, Jesus was rejected by his family and community, He was falsely accused by His own leaders and people, He was arrested, abandoned, imprisoned, flogged, and finally hung on a cross to die.  The only good person to ever live took on all the suffering and pain of the world and cried out with the very question we wrestle with today.  My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  

Jesus was asking God, Where are you?  Why are you allowing this to happen?  God watched all this happen, we might say he allowed it, because He knew it wasn’t the end of the story.  The cross was not the end of the story.  A resurrection was coming.  New life was coming.  Healing and wholeness was coming.  While Jesus felt forsaken, and in a moment when the sin of the world was laid on Him, God did turn away, it was not the end of the story.  God had not forsaken Jesus, in the end God raised Him to a new life.  

Let me be clear and say that God doesn’t allow suffering to happen so something better can come, but I will say that in moments of suffering, good things can still happen because God is at work and God is love.  Too many people want to look at pain and suffering and say there is no God or that God isn’t loving.  I want to say that in those moments of suffering, God is still with us and God still loves us and God is working for something good.  

The resounding message of the Bible is that God loves us and God is with us - always.  In the presence of evil and suffering we see in the Bible; we see that God is right there.  Isaiah 43:2 says

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

God’s love is so powerful that there is nothing that can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. 

Suffering and pain is never the end of the story.  During the darkness of Friday, with Jesus on a cross, God could see the light of Sunday and Jesus walking out of a tomb.  God knew something better was coming.  No matter what suffering we face, we can be assured that something better is coming, here in this life or in the life to come.  The Bible says:

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.  All these things are gone forever.  Revelation 21:4

In every situation of suffering and pain, we need to be reminded that God’s love is still with us and that God is working for something better.  Even in the midst of the destruction and devastation we see in NC and TN, good things are happening.  

It’s been difficult to watch all the devastation caused by Hurricane Helene.  I heard someone say that in most floods the waters rise and then fall and everyone is left mucking out and cleaning up.  This flood rose and swept everything away.  Homes, churches, schools, businesses, hospitals and even cemeteries were completely wiped away.  There is nothing to muck out, nothing to clean up, nothing to restore.  Entire towns have to rebuild or people need to move to new areas.  Why did God let this happen?  

I don’t have a good answer, but here is what I do know.  God is still with these communities and something good is taking place.  During an election when we are so polarized and divided, it is great to see people coming together to help one another, to support and care for one another, and to love one another.  Our political differences don’t seem very important in the face of suffering.  Maybe something good can come out of suffering and pain.  God didn’t cause this destruction to bring about something good, but God can bring something good from it.

While God can bring something good out of suffering and redeem all bad situations, for many of us, we aren’t there yet.  We still see evil in this world and experience loss and hurt and pain.  

While we might not have a good and clear answer for why these things are happening, we can say with confidence is that:

God is still with us. God is with us and He gives us the strength to keep going

God still loves us.  God loves us  and He always will

God is still strong.  In fact, God is strong enough to bring something good out of the pain.  The Bible says, 

God works for the good in all things through Christ Jesus.  Romans 8:28  

Because God is with us and still loves us and is still strong, God is able to bring good into all situations, even situations of suffering and pain. So let’s go back to Asaph who asked God why there was so much pain and why evil seemed to be prospering while the faithful were suffering.  While he didn’t come up with any good answers himself, this is what he said.  Psalm 73:16-17, 23-26

I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you?  I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.  

When we come to God, the problem of evil and suffering don’t disappear, but we still have hope.  So if you are hurting now, if you are living in the “not there yet” of pain and suffering, and if you are wondering where God is to wipe away the tears, know this - God is still with you and something better is coming.  God is still with and He will stay with you.  God still loves you and He always will love you, and because of God’s love and presence and power, even in the midst of suffering and pain He is working for your good.  

That’s why we can still say… 

God is good…. And all the time… 

Next Steps

Why did God let it happen?

What situations of suffering, injustice, and pain cause you to ask, Why did God let it happen?  

How have you wrestled with these questions in the past?  

Some might argue that injustice, suffering, and pain is a sign that God is not present or that God is not love.  

● How does God’s love actually open the door to the possibility of suffering and pain?  

● Why would God choose to love us if this were a possibility?  

● How do our choices to love God, or not to love God, lead to suffering and pain?  

Jesus was the only truly good and innocent person to ever live and bad things happened to him.  

List some of these bad things.

Why did God allow these bad things to happen to Jesus?  

How did these bad things lead to a better future for Jesus and for us?  

How can the injustice, suffering, and pain of Jesus give us hope when we see or experience injustice, suffering and pain today?  

If God can work for the good in all situations (Romans 8:28) how can we look at bad situations and start working for good.

Where can you start working for good and a better future in situations of injustice, suffering or pain you see today?  

How can the storms and floods of Hurricane Helene lead to a better future for us, our church, and our world?  

How can you give right now to create this better future?

(A Hurricane Relief offering is being held this month.)

If you are hurting and wondering where God is in your life, lean on God’s promises and find support among God’s people.  

● Pray.  

● Read God’s word.  

● Join a small group.  

For help with any of these things, contact one of our pastors or reach out to the church office.