Last week we started a series called “Ever wonder why?” and asked the very difficult question that people have been asking for centuries, why did God let it happen. Today we are going to consider another difficult question that people have wrestled with for centuries, why didn’t God answer my prayer?
Prayer can be very confusing at times because while we believe in its prayer and see all kinds of prayers answered in the Bible, we often question why God doesn’t answer our prayers.
In the book of Joshua, when the people of God were in battle, Joshua prayed for the sun to stand still, and it did.
The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the Lord listened to a human being. Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel! Joshua 10:13-14
God answered that prayer, but when we pray for flood waters to recede to ease the suffering of people, or storms to weaken so they don’t devastate communities, it doesn’t happen. God didn’t answer those prayer.
We read about Elijah asking God to send down fire from heaven to show His power and glory, and God does, but when we pray for God to show His power and glory by healing someone with cancer, it doesn’t happen. Why does God answer one person’s prayer and not others?
In the story of Daniel, Daniel prayed for the mouths of the lions to be shut, and they were, but when we pray for a door to open for employment, it doesn’t come. All of this can cause us to question why God didn’t answer our prayers. Did God not hear us? Did we pray the wrong way? Does God not love or care about us?
Like last week, let me be clear at the beginning and tell you that I am not going to be able to give you a clear answer about why God may not have answered your prayer.
What I can do, and want to do, is share some thoughts on prayer that can help guide us when we ask the question why and some teaching about prayer that can help our prayers be more effective. If you hear nothing else today, I hope you will hear this:
The purpose of prayer is not to get God to do our will.
The purpose of prayer is to know God so we can do His will.
Believe it or not, God does not exist to answer our prayers. We are not the main character in the story - God is. While God created us in love and loves us unconditionally, God does not exist to do our will and fulfill all our desires, we exist to honor and glorify God. So, prayer isn’t about getting what we want or telling God what He needs to do in our lives and in the world, prayer is about surrendering to God so we can learn more about what He wants and how we can serve, honor and glorify Him.
While the purpose of prayer is about growing in our relationship with God and surrendering ourselves to God’s will, Jesus does say that whatever we ask for in God’s name, we will receive.
I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. John 14:13-14
This seems to say that God will answer all our prayers. Ask for anything in my name and you will receive it. Jesus makes prayer sound like we have a genie in a bottle who will grant all our wishes, but this isn’t all Jesus said about prayer or all that the Bible says about prayer. The Bible says many things about prayer, and we need to take them all into consideration when we ask why God didn’t answer our prayers. God’s willingness to answer our prayer doesn’t just depend on our asking, it depends on many things.
We are going to look at 4 things that lead to effective prayer and the first one comes from Jesus.
Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:24-25
1. Effective prayer needs healthy relationships with God and others. Jesus said that how we treat others, our relationships with others, will impact how God hears and responds to our prayer. If you stop and think about it, this makes sense. If your kids are yelling and fighting with each other all day, how likely are you going to be to let them have friends over for the night? How likely are you going to be to give them anything they want? As parents, how your children treat each other, and how they treat you, impacts how you respond to them.
If we are being unkind toward one another, if we are putting others down, if being negative and critical of others at home and at work, if we aren’t lifting others up as the Bible tells us to but tearing each other down, and if we aren’t willing to forgive as God has forgiven us, why would God look graciously at our prayers? We may not like hearing this, but how we treat one another has a direct impact on how God hears and responds to our prayers. It’s not the ONLY thing God takes into consideration, but it is one thing, and it is one thing we can control.
If you don’t think there is a direct link between our relationships with one another and our prayer life, then consider this verse. It is written to husbands, but I would say it is true for husbands and wives, children and parents, siblings, friends, and neighbors.
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect… so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7
How we treat one another impacts our prayers. If God doesn’t seem to answer our prayers, maybe our relationships are broken, and we need to start treating one another with respect and grace.
2. Effective prayer needs the right motives. Not only does effective prayer need right relationships, it needs right motives.
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. James 4:3
If we ask God to bless us financially so we can spend more money on ourselves, why would God answer that? If we aren’t willing to tithe, or give or be generous towards with what God has already given us, why would God answer our prayers for more? If we ask God for gifts and abilities but all we want is to use them for recognition and fame, why would God answer our prayer? If our motive in prayer isn't to give glory to God and serve God and others, why would God answer our prayer?
We always need to check our motives because even if we think our hearts are good and right and pure, they may not be. Jeremiah said, The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Jeremiah 17:9
It’s important for us to examine our motives when we pray because we can be easily deceived. More than once God has pointed out that my motives may not have been as right as I thought they were. Motives matter. Relationships matter. And faith matters.
3. Effect prayer needs faith. When we pray, do we believe that God can do what we are asking Him to do? Do we have faith, even the size of a mustard seed, when we ask God for help? Faith matters. Jesus linked people’s faith to His ability to answer prayers. Jesus said, if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. Matthew 21:22
A few weeks ago, we heard the story of the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years. She went to Jesus and believed that if she could touch the hem of His garment that she would be healed. She reached out in faith. We might say she prayed in faith and Jesus said, daughter, your faith has made you well.
Another time Jesus was approached by two blind men who cried out to Him for healing. Jesus asked, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?” “Yes, Lord,” they replied. Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you”; and their sight was restored. Matthew 9:28-30
Their faith had a direct effect on Jesus’ ability to answer their prayer. Now let me be clear and say that faith is not the ONLY thing that God takes into consideration when He answers our prayers. If God doesn’t answer our prayer, it is not always due to a lack of faith, but we do need to have faith when we pray. And if our faith is weak, we need to ask God to strengthen it.
A man came to Jesus asking him to heal his son from a spirit that threw him on the ground and into fires, but his faith was weak.
Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”
“From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:22-24
I love Jesus' response to the father, If I can? You're asking me to do something but aren’t sure that I can do it? All things are possible if you believe. The father is passionate about wanting his son healed, but he is also honest, I do believe but help my unbelief.
I don’t know about you, but this is often where I find myself in prayer. I believe God can answer prayers and move in miraculous ways, and I believe God wants to do these powerful things, but there are doubts that creep up in the shadows. So, I cry to God, I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief. God, wipe away the darkness of doubt that too often creeps into my faith because I know that my faith matters when I pray. I believe, help my unbelief.
Relationships matter. Motives matter. And faith matters if our prayers are going to be effective, but even when all these are spot on, when all our relationships with God and others are as good as we can make them, and our motives are pure and humble, and our faith is strong and powerful, there are still times God may not answer our prayers the way we want Him too. One final thing needed for effective prayer is for us to surrender to the will of God.
4. Effective prayer needs to yield to God’s will.
This takes us back to the beginning when I said that we aren’t the main characters of the story and God isn’t here to do all that we want Him to do. We pray to know God and to obey His will. Sometimes we pray so that our hearts can surrender to God’s purpose and plan. As much as we might think we know what God’s will is, we might not know it fully. As much as we think we know what is right, what we think is right might not be what is best in the short term or the long term.
And no matter what we think is right for us and best for us, God might have a different plan. Notice I didn’t say a better plan, God’s plan is not always better in our eyes, it just might be different. A great example of this is seen in the life of the Apostle Paul.
Paul was the major leader of the Jesus movement after Jesus ascended into heaven. He helped spread the gospel of Jesus across the Roman Empire and his wisdom and faith accounts for much of the teaching we find in the New Testament. He was a man of faith and passion who always tried to align himself with God’s will. We might think that God always answered Paul’s prayers, but He didn’t. Paul prayed diligently for something that God did not provide
I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
We don’t know what this thorn in the flesh was. Some think it was a person who always seemed to work against Paul. Others thought it may have been a physical ailment that held him back. We do know Paul suffered from some type of eye problem so it could have been that Paul prayed for this healing, but it never came. What God told Paul was that He had a different plan for him.
Instead of bringing Paul healing and removing the thorn, God was going to teach Paul how to lean on His grace and strength. Clearly, for Paul, a better plan would have been to be healed, but God’s plan was different. Our prayers always have to yield to God’s will and God’s will is not always our will
Now you might be asking, if God is going to do whatever He wants to do anyway, why should I pray? If God is going to follow His plan regardless of how healthy our relationships are, how pure our motives are, and how strong our faith is, why should we pray? It’s a valid question and it takes us back to the purpose of prayer.
We pray not to just get what we want; we pray to know God more. We pray to align our hearts with God’s heart. We pray so that our will surrender to God’s will.
The purpose of prayer is not to get God to do our will.
The purpose of prayer is to know God so we can do His will.
Next Steps
Why doesn’t God answer my prayer?
When have you struggled because God didn’t answer your prayer the way you thought God should? (Some of these situations can be deeply painful. Ask God for light to understand and grace to ease the pain.)
Jesus said, I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. John 14:13-14
Does this mean we will get everything we ask for in prayer?
What other teachings on prayer help you understand what Jesus is saying?
4 teachings on what makes prayer effective.
1. Effective prayer needs healthy relationships with God and others. Mark 11:24-25.
● Why does God care about our relationships?
● What relationships do you need to work on before you go to God in prayer?
● How can prayer help strengthen your relationship with God?
2. Effective prayer needs the right motives. James 4:3 and Jeremiah 17:9.
● When have your motives not always been right when you prayed?
● What motives need to be set right before you prayers?
3. Effective prayer needs faith. Matthew 22:21, Matthew 9:28-30, and Mark 9:22-24
● When have you prayed for a stronger faith?
● How can you strengthen your faith so that you fully believe in what you are asking for in prayer?
4. Effective prayer needs to yield to God’s will. 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
● How does Jesus show us this during His prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane? Matthew 26:36-46
Keep the purpose of prayer always before you.
The purpose of prayer is not to get God to do our will.
The purpose of prayer is to know God so we can do His will.
