Jesus is gathered together with his disciples in the upper room where he has just set them an example of love and service by washing their feet and sharing with them the Passover meal. It is the night Jesus will be betrayed and arrested, and the night before he will carry and then die on a cross, so Jesus knows this will be his last chance to speak with his disciples. In these last few moments, this is what Jesus says, John 13:33-35.
Jesus takes this final moment to share with his disciples the most important teaching of all. It’s as if Jesus saying, look, if you don’t remember anything else – remember this, love one another. If you can’t do anything else – do this, love one another. A new command I give you, love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. Last week we saw that the first relationship principle is to simply see the value of relationships in our lives. If we want to improve any relationship we have to first value that relationship so that we will want to invest the time and energy needed to make it better. Jesus shows us that relationships are ultimately the most important thing in our lives by saying that the first and greatest commandment is to focus on relationships, or to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves. So the first relationship principle, the most important thing is to value our relationships above everything else.
The second relationship principle builds on this because it helps define what it means to love. Jesus says, a new command I give you, love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. The first thing to notice is that loving one another is not an option. Jesus doesn’t say think about loving one another, he doesn’t even say you should love one another. It’s a command – you MUST love one another. We will not grow in our relationships if we are not willing to love. Love is the essential ingredient into strong relationships and this may not seem like anything new, but look at what Jesus says, a new command I give you, love one another. What does Jesus mean here? Hasn’t God always been calling us to love one another? Isn’t the entire teaching of the Old Testament based on loving God and loving others?
The law we find in the OT was given so that God’s people would act in loving ways toward others. If we look at the 10 commandments we see that they are really boundaries given to protect relationships. The reason we don’t murder, steal, or covet our neighbor’s things is because we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. The reason we do not commit adultery is to protect the love relationship of marriage, and the reason we don’t’ worship idols or any other god is to protect our relationship of love with God. Many of the commandments and laws found in the OT were given in order to protect relationships and they help define what love looks like. So if the command to love is not new, what is new here? We know there is something new here because Jesus says, a new command I give you and this is the only place in the entire gospel of John where Jesus uses this word new. It’s as if Jesus wants people to stop and hear what is being said. So what’s new?
What’s new is that Jesus doesn’t give a list of rules to follow. Unlike the OT which outlined in great detail what love was to look like in every situation and every relationship – Jesus just holds himself up as an example. As I have loved you – you must love another. In other words Jesus says do what I do, love like I love. Instead of a list of laws, we now have a living savior to follow. We don’t need to interpret the rules written on stone, we just need to walk and talk with the one who is love himself. So to figure out how to love one another as Jesus loves us we need to ask ourselves what does the love of Jesus look like?
What I usually think about when I think about the love of Jesus is the cross – the ultimate reflection of Jesus’ love for us is seen in the ultimate sacrifice of his life given on the cross. Jesus himself said, greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. There a saying that goes: I asked Jesus how much he loved me and he spread out his arms and said “this much”, and then he died. When I think about the example of love Jesus gives us I immediately think about the selflessness and the sacrificial example of Jesus dying on the cross and while that is the ultimate sacrifice and the ultimate expression of love, it is not the only example of love Jesus gives us, and I would say it is not the place to start. Jesus gives lots of example of how we need to love one another and we need to start with some of those other examples and build up to the ultimate gift of love seen in the cross. So let’s look at some of the other ways Jesus loves us and learn some relationships principles there.
The first place the love of Jesus is seen is in the first decision Jesus makes. A couple weeks ago we looked at the first recorded choice of Jesus and saw that at 12 years old Jesus chose to have fellowship with others in the Temple. While his family left Jerusalem to head home, Jesus stayed in the Temple and was part of a small group where he learned from others and shared with others the truth and the love of God. Jesus chose to have fellowship with one another and part of what it means to love as Jesus loves means choosing to have fellowship with one another.
Now when I talk about fellowship, I’m not talking about a cup coffee after worship. Fellowship isn’t small talk once a week after the last hymn. Fellowship is making the choice to be in relationship with one another. It means sharing our hopes and dreams with one another as well as our doubts and fears. It means growing in faith together through small groups and serving in the world together through mission teams. Fellowship means spending not only quality time together, but also a certain quantity of time as well. I’m not sure we can have real fellowship with one another in just a few minutes a week. It takes time to build relationships which is why Jesus called people to leave behind their businesses, families and communities to follow him. Jesus knew the disciples needed to spend time with him so they could listen and learn, so he called them to leave behind their lives so they could enter into a new life and a new fellowship with him.
When we look at the early church we see that they were also committed to this kind of fellowship. In Acts 2 & 4 it says the first followers of Jesus, the first church, met together, they ate together, they prayed together, they worshipped together, they served together, they shared what they had with one another, they gave to each other. The fellowship Jesus created and the fellowship we see in the church was a commitment to live in community with other believers and to grow together in love. To love like Jesus means to develop strong relationships with one another right here in the church. What’s interesting about this new command of Jesus is that Jesus says love one another. Jesus is only talking to his disciples here, he’s not talking to the crowds and he doesn’t say love your neighbor or love the stranger, or even love everyone. Jesus says love one another, in other words, let love start right here in this group, for Jesus it meant around that table with his disciples, and for us it means in the life of the church. We need to learn how to love here first. The church can be the best training ground for learning how to develop and strengthen relationships because this can be a place to learn about grace and forgiveness and speaking the truth in love. This is the place where we can learn about how God calls us to treat one another and so we need to commit ourselves to the fellowship of believers and learn how to love one another here first, but we can’t let your love here end. To love as Jesus loves means to choose to build relationships with one another in the church but then to reach out to those around us. So let’s forget about dying for one another right now and just ask ourselves if we are willing to meet with and have fellowship with one another and learn together how to relate better to those around us.
Jesus not only chose fellowship, but he also chose forgiveness, so to love as Jesus loves means we have to choose to forgive. In Ephesians 4:32-5:2 it says…
While this passage ends by talking about loving others enough to be willing to sacrifice for them, that’s not where love starts, love starts by being willing to be kind and forgive one another. Paul says that we are to forgive one another because God in Christ has forgiven us and the reason God has forgiven us is because God loves us. So if we are going to love as Jesus loves, we must be willing to forgive. Forgiveness is vital to all relationships because forgiveness brings healing and restoration when relationships are broken. Every relationship will go through difficult times. Because we are human we will all say or do things that will strain and maybe even break a relationship and the only way to bring healing and wholeness is to forgive, but too many times we aren’t willing to forgive. Marriages break apart because people aren’t willing to forgive. Business partnerships and ministry teams dissolve because people aren’t willing to forgive. Friendships end because people aren’t willing to forgive. Where there is no forgiveness there is no love and where there is no love there is no relationship, so to strengthen and grow in relationships we have to be willing to forgive. To love as Jesus loves means being willing to forgive.
Now when we talk about forgiveness let’s be clear about a few things: to forgive does not mean that we will forget. The reality is that we may never forget the pain and hurt of betrayal – I’m not sure our minds even work that way, but just because we can’t forget a painful situation doesn’t mean we can’t forgive. Forgiveness means being willing to let go of bitterness and a desire for revenge. A number of years ago I was hurt by a friend and found it very difficult to forgive him. For the longest time I said I had forgiven him, but I was still holding on to bitterness and I hoped that my anger would in some way hurt him. The sad truth was that my reluctance to forgive and to let go of the anger wasn’t hurting him at all, he didn’t even know I was angry, the only person I was hurting was me because the bitterness I was holding on to was eating me alive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we forget, it means we let go of the anger and our desire to see someone hurt because they have hurt us.
Forgiveness also doesn’t mean we suddenly trust someone who has hurt us. Rebuilding trust and rebuilding relationships takes time and while forgiveness can open the door to healing and restoration, it will take time for relationships to become strong again. We need to give ourselves and our relationships and God the time to bring healing. So to love as Jesus loves doesn’t mean we talk about laying down our lives for someone first, it means laying aside our own self interests enough to forgive, and not just once or twice, but again and again and again. Loving as Jesus loves means dying to our selves enough to let go of our pain and our need for revenge.
Forgiveness was a choice Jesus made. He forgave his disciples when they failed him. He forgave the crowds when they mocked and crucified him (what does Jesus say from the cross), and he forgives us when we turn away to follow our own selfish and sinful ways. And Jesus forgives us because he loves us and values the relationship he has with us above everything else. Is there a relationship in your life where God is calling you to offer some forgiveness and love? Is there a hurt that you need to let go of? Bitterness and anger you need to give over to God? Take the first step in restoring a relationship by simply saying to God, help me to forgive – it’s the first step and choice we have to make if we want to love like Jesus loves.
Forgiveness was a choice Jesus made. Fellowship was a choice Jesus made and accepting people was a choice Jesus made. Jesus reached out in love to people that no one else would accept. He ate and drank with prostitutes, tax collectors and lepers who were all considered the unacceptable people of his day. Jesus offered everyone the grace and love of God and if we are going to love as Jesus loves then we also need to accept everyone. In Romans 15:7 Paul says, Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you. Accepting one another means welcoming people who are different than we are into our church, our homes and our lives, and let me be clear that accepting one another doesn’t means waiting for people to come to us, it means going out to build relationships with them. Do we seek to build relationships with people from different ethnic and racial backgrounds? Do we seek to build relationships with people who come from a different economic class? Are we open to loving people who think very different than we do either socially, politically or theologically?
One of the sad things about were we are as a nation today is that we have deep political, social and racial divides that we don’t seem willing to cross. I’m not even sure we want to cross them. We are comfortable where we are and with our circle of friends and since building relationships with people who are different than we are is hard work, we don’t really work at it, but God calls us to work at it. To love as Jesus loves means working to accept others just as Christ Jesus has accepted us and think about what Jesus had to do to accept us. Jesus left heaven and even went to hell to establish a relationship with us. Being willing to accept people who are different than we are helps us in all of our relationships because accepting people teaches us to offer grace and grow in patience and understanding. This will help us in all of our relationships.
Our relationships with others will grow when we learn to love as Jesus loves and this means choosing to fellowship, choosing to forgive and choosing to accept all people and while these are all places Jesus shows that we can start learning how to love, they are not places to end. To love as Jesus loves means that we have to go deeper and grow to that place where we care so much for others that we willing give all that we have and all that we are. To love as Jesus loves means growing to the place where we willing and joyfully lay down our lives for others. 1 John 3:16
While we must love one another enough to be willing to die for them, I would say this is not the beginning of love, it’s the goal of love and it’s a goal we will reach only if we are willing to commit ourselves to fellowship, forgiveness and acceptance first. But just choosing fellowship, forgiveness and acceptance will not bring us to a place where we can love as completely and fully as Jesus loves, that will only come when we are willing to trust in the power of God to help us. As we think about loving as Jesus loves and as we strive to live out this principle in all of our relationships, we have to be clear that we will never be able to live this way and love this way on our own, we can only do it with the strength that God gives us.
Do you remember the story of Peter walking on the water? Jesus tells Peter to get out of the boat and come to him on the water. Now on his own, Peter can’t walk on water, no one can, but in faith and trust Peter gets out of the boat and begins to walk toward Jesus on the water. Peter’s walking on water – he’s doing the impossible, but it says that when Peter noticed the wind and the waves, he started to sink. In other words when Peter took his eyes off Jesus, when he started to trust in himself and in his own strength, he failed. The only way we can love as Jesus loves, the only way we can love in selfless and sacrificial ways is to trust in the power and love of God to be working in us.
Loving others as Jesus loves us is not a matter of trying harder – it’s a matter of trusting Jesus. Loving as Jesus loves only happens when we allow God’s love to strengthen and equip us. It’s being willing to say, God on my own I don’t have the strength or the ability to love as Jesus did, but I’m not trusting in myself, I’m trusting in You to help me I’m trusting in Your power to help me love others.. If we will look to Jesus for the strength to love, the power to love will be there and our relationships will experience healing, vitality, direction and life. So let us look to Jesus and find in him the strength and power to love.
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