We certainly do want to wish all the Dads out there a Happy Father’s Day, and I want to be clear that we did not choose the theme for today’s message with you in mind. This month we are talking about how to improve our relationships because the thing about relationships is that they are important. We were created for a relationship with God, and we were emotionally wired to be in relationship with one another, so it’s important for those relationships to be as healthy as they can be. Today we want to talk about how to be more aware and less oblivious and we didn’t choose this for today because we think that Dads are oblivious to the things and people around them, but…
Dads, have you ever gotten in trouble for not noticing when your wife or children got their hair cut, or were wearing new clothes? Have you ever come home and not noticed that your family has worked hard to clean the house or clean up the yard? Have you been oblivious to the family schedule and missed birthdays or anniversaries? Sometimes we are all oblivious to the details that mean so much to others and it is important to be more aware of what is going on in our homes and with our families. We need to take the time to notice what is going on in others so that they feel valued and important, but that is not the kind of awareness we want to focus on today. What we want to look at is the importance of being self-aware.
We will be better in our relationships with other people, all other people, when we have a better understanding of ourselves. We have all been created in very unique ways and the more aware we are of how we think, and act, and relate with others, the healthier our relationships will be. A great example of this are my parents. My Dad is a classic introvert. It’s not that he is shy or quiet, but he needs time alone to recharge. After working as a chaplain in a large hospital all day, he needed to come home and quietly read the paper or watch TV.
My Mom, on the other hand, is an extrovert. After a long day of teaching 2nd graders you might think she would want some peace and quiet, but she wanted to be around other people and be engaged in activity. Instead of staying home in the evenings, my Mom sang in the choir, played bells in the bell choir, served on different committees at the church, and was the secretary for her teachers association and a beach association. She got recharged by being around others.
You might think that two people like this just wouldn’t be able to stay together, but my parents have been married for 66 years this past week because they were both aware of who they were and what they needed. They were also aware of who the other one was and what they needed. My Dad was fine having my Mom out every evening getting involved in things because he knew she needed that, and my Mom was ok having my Dad stay home because she knew he needed that. They both were aware of how they were created and what they needed to be healthy, and they knew what the other needed as well.
Not only is it important to be aware of how we were created and what we need in life and how all of this impacts our relationship with others, we also need to be aware of our own brokenness and sin. Part of self-awareness is being honest with ourselves when we fail and being willing to confess our sin to God. Without this kind of self-awareness, sin gets a foothold in our life and leads to greater problems and pain. We see this happen in the life of King David.
David was a man chosen by God to be King of Israel and after years of struggle and conflict, David finally was established as the King and began ruling in Jerusalem. Everything was going well for David until he had an affair with the wife of one of his officers. Instead of confessing this sin and being honest about his failure, David tried to cover it up. When several attempts to hide his sin failed, David had the woman’s husband killed and took Bathsheba as his wife. David’s lack of self awareness, his lack of honesty about his failures and his inability to see and confess his sin, led to greater problems. Adultery led to murder.
To help David open his eyes and be aware of all that was going on in his life, God sent the prophet Nathan to speak to David. Nathan told David this story: 2 Samuel 11:1b-9a
There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.
“Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”
David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.”
Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own.
Being aware of our sin and failures so we can confess them to God and rise above them is so important that God sent Nathan to open David’s eyes. When David became aware of his failures, he repented of his sin and gave us one of the most powerful psalms we have, Psalm 51.
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Psalm 51:1-3
David was only able to ask God for mercy and forgiveness because he became aware of his sin and failures. We will never get to the place of asking God for his mercy and forgiveness until we are also able to acknowledge our sin. To be able to see and confess our sin takes self-awareness. We need to look honestly at our lives and own up to our weaknesses and failures so we can turn and ask God for the mercy and strength needed to help us overcome them.
I invite you this week to read those first few verses of Psalm 51 and ask God to open your eyes and the eyes of your heart. May we become aware of our transgressions and sin so that we can confess them to God and ask for His mercy to wash us clean and make us new. Being made new not only puts us in a right relationship with God, but it restores so many of our relationships with others. This forgiveness and new life is the amazing gift we have in Jesus when we are willing to ask God for his mercy and grace.
While being more aware of our brokenness and sin is vital to our lives and relationships, so is being more aware of our gifts and strengths. I am a firm believer that we need to build on our strengths and not just focus on our weaknesses. One way we can be more aware of our strengths and all the ways we live in relationship with God and others is to evaluate our faith.
Several years ago we began to talk about how our faith needs to be lived out in three primary relationships, a relationship with God, the church, and the world. These three relationships are what we see in Jesus. Jesus had a deep and abiding relationship with God, He formed a strong relationship with His followers, the church, and Jesus reached out to bless all those around Him in the world. For us to think about living more like Jesus, these are the 3 relationships we need to focus on.
One way we can be more aware of who we are in these 3 primary relationships is to take the spiritual health assessment. You can find a link to this assessment in the next steps and even if you have taken it before, I encourage you to take it again because it is a great way to help us be more aware of who we are today. What are the strengths that we can build on? What rhythms are fueling our relationship with God and others? How can we expand on these rhythms? Where might we want to grow?
Each of the 3 relationships expands into 5 rhythms that are vital to our faith and the spiritual assessment helps us understand which rhythms we are doing well in and where we might want to focus some attention. Whether we choose to build on our strengths or grow in our areas of weakness, being aware of what is going on in our relationships is the first step. Let me show you how this works.
A few years ago I took the assessment and in my relationship with the church, this is what it looked like:
1. Service 20/20
2. Community 18/20
3. Family 18/20
4. Accountability 13/20
5. Generosity 13/20
The numbers aren’t important, it’s the ranking of the rhythms we want to look at. Service is one of the primary rhythms of my relationship with people in the church which makes sense. Since I am a pastor, much of my time and energy is focused on serving in the body of Christ. I then looked at the lowest two rhythms, accountability and generosity, and reflected on what this meant for me.
Accountability. One of the questions they ask us to reflect on is: Do I earnestly and honestly seek feedback in different areas of my life? To be honest, no, I don’t. Who really wants to hear that? Who wants to be accountable to others? But like King David, would it be good for me to get that kind of feedback so I can be more aware of those blind spots in my life? Yes. More accountability would be good.
I then looked at one of the reflection questions for generosity. Do I intentionally live below my financial means so I can give more to God? While I see myself as a faithful and cheerful giver, I had to ask myself if I really look to live below my means so I can bless others. As I honestly thought through both of these questions, there were moments of self-awareness that have moved me to consider how to be more faithful to God and others in my life.
The 3 Relationships assessment and the information we can get on the important rhythms of our life is a great way to become more aware of who we are, how God has created us and shaped us, and how we can be more faithful in all of our relationships. I would invite you to take the assessment this week, or take it again, and reflect on the rhythms of your life and faith. The more aware we are of what is going on in our lives, the healthier all of our relationships will be.
While the 3 Relationships is a great place to start, there are many great resources out there to help us be more aware of who we are. There are personality tests you can take online like Meyers Briggs and the enneagram which can help us be more aware of how we interact with others. There is also a great book called the 5 Love Languages which might help you be more aware of how you look to give and receive love in your marriage. There is an online assessment you can take for this and you can find links to all this material in the next steps.
Later this year we are also going to provide an opportunity for you to discover your spiritual gifts. The Bible tells us that when we ask the Holy Spirit to enter our hearts and lives, the Spirit brings unique gifts to each of us.
Romans 12:6-8 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
These are just some of the spiritual gifts the Bible talks about and the more aware we become of the specific gifts God has given to us, the more we can use them to serve God and build up others in the church. Once again, the more aware we are of how God has created us and how the Holy Spirit has gifted us, the stronger all of our relationships will be.
We really will be stronger in our relationship with God, our family, the church, our friends, neighbors, and coworkers when we are more aware of who we are and how we live. We need to be aware of our failures and sin and confess those to God so they don’t become stumbling blocks in other areas of our life, but we need to be aware of our strengths, and gifts, and the rhythms of our life and faith so we can use these to their full advantage and be all that God has called us and created us to be. The more self aware we are, the stronger all our relationships will be. And the thing about relationships is that they are important, they are vital to our lives and faith.
Next Steps
More Aware - Less Oblivious
When have you been oblivious or blind to changes that were made around you? Why did you not notice?
Self-awareness: we will be better with others when we have a better understanding of ourselves, both our sins and our strengths.
Read 2 Samuel 11:1-12:15
● How did David’s lack of awareness about his sin lead to more problems?
● Why is it important for us to be aware of our sin and confess it to God?
● What blind spot do you have in your life when it comes to failures, weakness, and sin?
● Where would some “self-awareness” help strengthen your relationship with others?
Read Psalm 51 and ask God to help become more aware of your own sin and brokenness. Confess this sin to God.
To help you become more aware of how God has created you and gifted you, and how you are living in relationship with God, the church, and the world, check out these resources.
