During the month of June we celebrate a lot of people. This week we celebrated many young adults as they graduated from High School, and in a few weeks we will celebrate our Dad’s on Father’s Day. June is also a month when we celebrate a lot of couples because June used to be THE month to get married. My parents were married in June 66 years ago and for anyone who has been married more than 60 years, or even 6 years, you know there is a lot of work that goes into relationships. This month we are going to look at how to strengthen relationships in our families, at work, among our friends, as well as in the church and our community by looking at how God is in relationship with us. The thing about relationships is that they are vital to our well-being. Relationships are fundamental to who we are because we were created for relationships.
In the creation story it says that we were created in God’s image and if we think about God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we see that at God’s core there is a relationship, and so to be created in God’s image means that at our core, we were created for relationships. First and foremost we were created to be in a relationship with God. God created us to walk in the garden with Him and to share in all the fullness and joy of life with Him, but we were also created to live in relationship with other people.
Again, in the creation story, after God created Adam, He looked at him and said, it’s not good for man to be alone, so God created a partner for Adam. We were created for love and companionship. We were created for family and community. We were created for relationships and this is true for everyone. Whether you are married, have never been married, are divorced or widowed, young or old, each of us need healthy relationships with other people to experience the fullness and joy of life, so let’s look at how to strengthen these relationships.
If 2020 has taught us anything, it is that the most powerful and important part of any relationship is to be present with others. While zoom and facetime and phone calls are good, and we have learned to livestream everything from weddings to funerals to birthday parties, nothing can replace the power of in-person relationships. Not only do we need to be held and hugged for our physical and emotional well-being, actually, we need that physical touch to survive, we also learn so much about others through facial expressions and body language. All of our relationships will be stronger if we will be fully present with others, and we see the importance and power of presence when we look at God’s relationship with us.
All through history God has been present with His people. God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden. God was present when He spoke to Abraham and called him to leave his home and walk with Him into a new land. When God led the people of Israel out of slavery in Egypt and into that Promised Land, God was with them. God used a pillar of fire at night and a cloud by day to not only guide the people but to be a physical reminder that God was with them. One of the promises that God makes over and over again in scripture is that He will always be with us.
Psalm 139:7-12 says,
Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.
God is always with us. There is no place we can go where God does not go with us. God is present with us at all times and in all places, and even if we don’t feel God close by, or experience His presence, God is there. As we look at the different ways God has been present with his people, we see God with us in 3 distinct ways: God over us, God with us, and God in us.
God over us is the God we see in the creation story. This is God the Father who not only created the world but then watched over the world to protect it and provide for it. God over us is the God who saw His people hungry so He gave them food. He saw them thirsty so brought forth water from a rock. God over us is the God who fought for His people in battles but also settled them into the Promised Land. God is over us as a father and mother are over their children, God is there to provide for us and protect us, but for God, just being over His children was not enough. God wanted a deeper and more personal relationship so He came to be with us.
God with us is what we celebrate in jesus. In Matthew 1:23, Joseph was told that Mary was going to give birth to the son of God and His name was to be Emmanuel, which means God is with us. God was no longer going to simply watch over His children and provide for them, God was now going to actually come in human form and walk with them. In Jesus, God walked with people, and all of the relationships that Jesus had with people were defined by a love that wasn't expressed in words alone but in service and sacrifice.
Jesus never kept his distance from people but was willing to literally be present with them. Children had little to no status in Jesus’ day and no one spent time with them, but Jesus called them to come and sit with Him. Jesus went to the places where the sinners and outcasts lived to show His love for them. In face to face conversations, Jesus forgave people and called them to a better life. Jesus loved people in ways that gave their life new meaning and it was His touch that helped the lame to walk and the blind to see. Jesus served the people of His day and His love gave them new life, but then Jesus sacrificed Himself for all people by taking the sin of the world to the cross.
In Jesus, God not only walked with us but God took upon Himself the penalty and consequence of our sin so that we could be forgiven. It’s that forgiveness that not only set us into a right relationship with God, but it helps strengthen our relationships with one another. God’s presence with us in Jesus changed our lives and it changed our relationship with God and others forever.
When God’s presence over us wasn’t enough, God came to be with us. God’s presence with us changed everything, but there was still more to come, God in us. Before Jesus ascended into heaven, He said, I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. John 14:16-17
Did you hear that? God doesn’t just live with us but IN us and God dwells in us through the gift of the Holy Spirit. Now I’ll be honest, most of the time I don’t feel like the God who created the world and raised Jesus from the dead is at work in me, but God is. When I find the strength to do more than I ever thought I could, that’s the power of God in me. When I find comfort in times of deep pain or loss - that is God at work in me. When I feel convicted to stand up for what is right against all odds - that is God in me. And when I feel convicted of my own sin to the point of brokenness and tears and then confess that sin to God - that is also God in me. God is at work in us to do all that needs to be done so that we can be all God wants us to be.
God’s presence is over us and it is with us and it is in us and this is a model of how we can be present with others. At times we need to be present to watch over and care for others. Young children, older parents, and those who are the most vulnerable in our community need us to watch over them and care for them. And let’s be honest, there are times we need others to watch over and care for us.
We also need to be present with people and literally walk with others in service and maybe even sacrifice. Children and youth need the physical presence of parents, which is why the foster parent program is so important. When biological parents aren’t there or can’t be there, we need to walk with children and love them. But it’s not just children, it’s all of us, we need the presence of others in our lives if we are going to be healthy and whole. Studies continue to show that social isolation leads to physical and emotional decline and again 2020 has shown us that we really do need and want others present with us.
We need to be present over others and with others, but what about in others. OK, there is no way someone can be physically present in us, but there are other ways their presence can be an ongoing part of our lives. Have you ever had a coach, teacher, or youth leader who inspired you growing up and you can still hear their words of encouragement? Maybe you had a parent or grandparent that you could always count on and you can still hear their voice? These were the people who told you that you could do more than you thought you could. They were the ones who said, I believe in you and that voice still motivates you. I had youth leaders in my church who believed in me and they were the ones who told me I was a leader who needed to stand firm when I wanted to run away. I still hear their voices at times and it encourages me, it literally it gives me courage, to keep going. They live in me and their love and support is still at work in me.
It might seem odd, but I often use part of 1 Corinthians 13 at funerals. While we typically think of the Love Chapter being read at weddings, there are a few verses that need to be heard when someone we love dies. It says, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. When love has been present in our lives in powerful ways, it doesn’t end, it remains in us. It’s the voice we hear, the encouragement we need, and the comfort that heals. The love of others is their presence in us that never ends.
Again, God’s presence with us can be a model for all of our relationships. We can be present and watch over others. We can be present with people and walk with them in love. We can be present in people by making sure our words and love will empower them not only today but in all the days to come, but being present in any and all of these ways means more than simply being in the same room with them, it means being available and intentional.
Just as 2020 taught us the power of being present with others, it has also given us lots of opportunities to learn how to be present without really being present. If you have used zoom, or any other virtual platform for a meeting, then you know what I’m talking about. We can be present in a meeting but with our microphone off, we don’t have to be listening at all, in fact we can be doing 100 other things at the same time. We have learned how to look like we are present without being present at all. And you have all probably been at a family gathering where at some point you looked around and saw everyone either watching TV or looking at their phones and tablets. We are in the same space with others but we are not fully present.
Last week, Justin talked about how much attention we give to others when we are dating. We not only spend a lot of time getting ready for a date but when we are together we actually listen to what is being said. A recent study found that couples who are engaged spend about 15 hours a week talking. They make it a priority. They are not only learning about each other but they are sharing their hopes and dreams. They make plans together, they set goals together, and they work on their relationship together. Any idea how much time married couples spend talking to one another? 2 hours a week. You can’t be fully present with others in 2 hours a week. We need to be more available and intentional if our relationships are going to be healthy.
So it’s time we look to God and learn how to be more present and less distant so that all of our relationships can be stronger. Let me give you 3 quick suggestions on how to be more present and less distant in your marriage, with your family, and even among your friends.
1. Every day have one meal together without screens. No TV, no phones, no tablets. Just face to face conversation.
2. Every week spend one evening with no netflix, no sports, and no TV. Instead, engage in an activity together like a game, or a walk, or making s’mores at the fire pit. Spend time laughing, sharing, and talking to one another.
3. Every month set aside one day to do something together (and going to a movie doesn’t count, a movie is just a giant screen that you look at together). Serve together, help a neighbor together, take a hike, go on a picnic, but do something together.
God did not create the world and then remove Himself from it, God is not distant from His children but present with us. God’s presence with us is a model for how we should be in relationship with others. When we are fully present with others, those relationships will be stronger and healthier.
Next Steps
More Present - Less Distant
How did the covid shutdowns and limitations of 2020 impact your relationship with others? How did virtual meeting platforms like zoom help or hurt your ability to be present?
God has promised to be present with us: Deuteronomy 31:6, Joshua 1:9, Psalm 23:4, Psalm 139, Isaiah 41:10, Zephaniah 3:17. Matthew 1:23 & 28:20, John 14:16-17, Romans 8:38-39, I Corinthians 3:16
Through history God has been present in 3 main ways
● To watch over us
● To walk with us
● To live in us
How have you experienced God’s presence in these ways? Where would you like to experience more of God’s presence?
God’s presence with us is a model for how we can be present with others. How can you be present:
● To watch over others (to provide and protect them)
● To walk with others (to serve and sacrifice for them)
● To live in others (to encourage)
How has the presence of others helped you in these ways?
Which relationship in your life needs the healing touch of God’s presence and the focus of your presence?
3 Ways to be more present
1. Daily - Commit to one meal with NO SCREENS
2. Weekly - Set aside one evening with NO SCREENS
3. Month - schedule one day for a “day date”. Engage in an activity together with family or friends that encourages personal interaction.
